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John Marx

To the best of my knowledge:

• Everyone should take a day and robocall all the clowns that robocall us every two hours.

• Just because I smile and nod, does not mean I am listening or caring what you have to say.

• Downtown Moline will never be the same now that they have removed the iconic neon sign that adorned the front of the former Temple's Sporting Goods store.

• Never trust a restaurant with sticky salt shakers.

• "It's easier to build up a child than repair an adult,'' said a local high school teacher during a lengthy Labor Day discussion about teenagers.

• We need to stop worrying about whether the arches for the I-74 Bridge are going to connect and pay attention to driving across the I-74 Bridge. I'm tired of waiting for accident traffic to clear.

• I'm pre-confessing. If the speed camera on Davenport's River Drive ever floats to the top of the Mississippi River with six bricks tied to it, you know it was me.

• The Quad-Cities is void of a good Reuben sandwich. Not good.

• Everyone's an expert. At everything. Mostly those who have never done something before. Like coaching.

• When someone says: "Hey, I have to ask you a question,'' your mind races, thinking about everything you have done wrong lately.

• A coffeehouse Phi Beta Kappa (his words) said: "All I want is the same quality of life celebrities provide for their pets.''

• Not even Eddie Murphy can make "Saturday Night Live" funny.

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• Scientists recently completed a study on the effects different music genres has on the aging process of cheese. Where do I sign up for a grant like that?

• I think there are three people left in Davenport who are not running for mayor.

• Apparently starting a conga line in the freezer section at Target is frowned upon.

• I bet in heaven Jim's Rib Haven is open 24-hours.

• Someone needs to invent the riding vacuum cleaner.

• There is no such thing as an advance warning or advance planning. It's redundant. Stop!

• I don't know what looks worse, the big hole in Rock Island's 5th Avenue that has not been fixed or the area surrounding the Abbey Station.

• The Rock Island County Courthouse is a broken-down eyesore. Clear the weeds and then knock it down.

• Every parent should take their children on a tour of the Quad-Cities just in case the poor kid's GPS has a bad day. 

• I'm in my 60s and I still laugh when I hear Kermit The Frog talk.

• There cannot be an all-time record holder. Stop saying it.

• I'd vote for Dabo Swinney for president.

• "Brewed" is the best local show on TV.

Columnist John Marx can be reached at 309-757-8388 or jmarx@qconline.com.

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