John Marx

To the best of my knowledge:

• North Korea is the only country where Captain Combover, our fearless leader, can go and feel good about his hair.

• Fireworks are a waste of time, energy and money. And when complete, what do you have to show for your time, energy and money? Usually a dozen bug bites.

• I hope certain towns locally — and you know who you are — didn't pay big dollars from an outside source for your city's slogans. Wow!

• Boring cannot be fixed.

• Kudos have to go to the sharp-eyed meat counter person who said, "Grilling tonight?'' while handing me the four ribeye steaks I had just ordered from him.

• Embarrassed is admitting you almost opted for a Wendy's Frosty because the drive-thru line at Whitey's was too long. It must be noted, cooler heads did prevail.

• "The internet is the kid who blurts out the wrong answer in school.'' (Told to me by a guy at the Orion Pizza Hut).

• Kevin Costner remains the coolest dude in Hollywood.

• I wish I were as thin as my patience these days.

• A coffeehouse Phi Beta Kappa said: "I gotta stop saying, "how dumb can you be,'' 'cause people are starting to take it as a challenge.''

• The first rule of any negotiation is "No!''

•  I like how gas station marquees in Illinois have already tossed the governor under the gas-tax bus.

• If it's not already, July should be named national chicken fry, pancake breakfast, fish fry, do-something-nice-for-a-small town month. It seems like there is one of the aforementioned events happening every weekend in July in every small town I have passed through the last two weeks.

• "Asking a dumb question is easier than correcting a dumb mistake.'' (Counter person at Portillo's)

• I've never seen this box I'm supposed to think outside of.

• Though it is one man's opinion — and that opinion is — mine, but I believe Bobby Schilling will run for some kind of office in the state of Iowa. And as an Iowa resident, I'd vote for him. Maybe he should run for stoplight timer in Bettendorf because whoever is in charge is not doing a good job.

• All new construction looks the same. 

• People look at me as if I have a third eye and two noses when I tell them I don't do elevators. You guarantee me they will open every trip up and down for the rest of my life and I'll start riding them.

• I don't care how OK they look, I cannot bring myself to purchase a banana from a convenience store.

• Organized people are simply too lazy to look for stuff.

• I'm going to start eating better just so I won't die before a couple of folks, in particular, I want to annoy them rest of my life.

• There are $100 million-plus charitable reasons through the years that show us the John Deere Classic is something special.

Columnist John Marx can be reached at 309 757 8388 or jmarx@qconline.com



John is a columnist and reporter for Dispatch-Argus-QCOnline.com.

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