Chuckles for June 2014

June 02
Wisdom of Dad...
Brush your teeth before you put on your tie.

June 04
You know you're not a kid anymore when...
You and your teeth donít sleep together.

June 06
Grandpa Says...
Don't judge folks by their relatives.

June 09
What the boss really means in those performance evaluations
A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused.

June 11
Wisdom of Dad:
Buy a plunger before you need a plunger

June 13
Wisdom of Dad:
Never lend anything you canít afford to lose.

June 16
There is no "I" in "Team", but there are four in "Platitude-Quoting Idiot".

June 18
A goldfish walks into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The goldfish says, "Water."

June 20
That girl said she met me at a Vegetarian restaurant, but I never met herbivore.

June 23
Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.

June 25
Never eat prunes when you're hungry.

June 27
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

June 30
Never say, "Sorry, we don't have what you're looking for." Always say, "I just sold the last one the other day."

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Monday, Sept. 1, the 244th day of 2014. There are 121 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We are informed by J.H. Hull that the reason the street sprinkler was not at work yesterday settling the dust on the streets, was because one of his horses was injured.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Bonnie McGregor, a fleet-footed stallion owned by S.W. Wheelock of this community, covered himself with glory at Lexington, Ky, when he ran a mile in 2:13 1/2. The horse's value was estimated as at least $50,000.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Troops are pouring into Paris to prepare for defense of the city. The German army is reported to be only 60 miles from the capital of France.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The German army has invaded Poland in undeclared warfare. Poland has appealed to Great Britain and France for aid.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Publication of a plant newspaper, the Farmall Works News, has been launched at the Rock Island IHC factory and replaces a managerial newsletter.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Officials predict Monday's Rock Island Labor Parade will be the biggest and best ever. Last minute work continues on floats and costumes for the parade, which steps off a 9:30 a.m.

(More History)