Chuckles for June 2014

June 02
Wisdom of Dad...
Brush your teeth before you put on your tie.

June 04
You know you're not a kid anymore when...
You and your teeth donít sleep together.

June 06
Grandpa Says...
Don't judge folks by their relatives.

June 09
What the boss really means in those performance evaluations
A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused.

June 11
Wisdom of Dad:
Buy a plunger before you need a plunger

June 13
Wisdom of Dad:
Never lend anything you canít afford to lose.

June 16
There is no "I" in "Team", but there are four in "Platitude-Quoting Idiot".

June 18
A goldfish walks into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The goldfish says, "Water."

June 20
That girl said she met me at a Vegetarian restaurant, but I never met herbivore.

June 23
Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.

June 25
Never eat prunes when you're hungry.

June 27
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

June 30
Never say, "Sorry, we don't have what you're looking for." Always say, "I just sold the last one the other day."

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Wednesday, July 30, the 211th day of 2014. There are 154 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: After Sept. 1, every small box of matches will be required to have a 3 cent duty Lincoln stamp on it, and every large box will be one cent for every 100 matches.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Rock Island residents had contributed a total of $1,293 to the American Red Cross for the Johnstown flood relief fund.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Capt. Clark Means, new darkhorse twirler for the ARGUS staff, was in great form in his initial contest as a mound laborer. The result was that THE ARGUS trimmed the Union 6-5.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Hunter and Humprey Moody, young Decatur, Ill, brothers, lack only a few hours of establishing a new world light plane endurance record.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Gates of the 110th annual Mercer County Fair swing open tonight at Aledo for a full week of day and night activity. More that $36,000 will be paid in premiums and race purses.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The baseball field carved out of the cornfield near Dyersville, Iowa, continues to keep dreams alive for hundreds of visitors. Tourists from 26 state and France have visited Dan Lansing's farm to see the baseball diamond seen in the hit movie "Field of Dreams."

(More History)