Chuckles for March 2014

March 03
Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.

March 05
How many Paul Reveres does it take to screw in a light bulb? One if by hand, two if by feel.

March 07
Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never bathed a dog.

March 10
How many journalists does it take to change a light bulb? "We just report the facts, we don't change them."

March 12
After all is said and done, more is said than done.

March 14
A difficult task will be halted near completion by one tiny, previously insignificant detail.

March 17
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Irish Who?
Irish you a happy St. Patrick's Day.

March 19
What if they held a meeting - and nobody came? Would nothing still get done?

March 21
My friend is dieting. He says weight gain is due to water retention. My weight gain is due to ice cream retention.

March 24
Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.

March 26
One. How many psychics does it take to change a light bulb?

March 28
How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb? One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.

March 28
t's always I before E. Isn't that weird?

March 31
How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb? One, but it takes three bulbs.

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Monday, Sept. 1, the 244th day of 2014. There are 121 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We are informed by J.H. Hull that the reason the street sprinkler was not at work yesterday settling the dust on the streets, was because one of his horses was injured.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Bonnie McGregor, a fleet-footed stallion owned by S.W. Wheelock of this community, covered himself with glory at Lexington, Ky, when he ran a mile in 2:13 1/2. The horse's value was estimated as at least $50,000.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Troops are pouring into Paris to prepare for defense of the city. The German army is reported to be only 60 miles from the capital of France.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The German army has invaded Poland in undeclared warfare. Poland has appealed to Great Britain and France for aid.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Publication of a plant newspaper, the Farmall Works News, has been launched at the Rock Island IHC factory and replaces a managerial newsletter.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Officials predict Monday's Rock Island Labor Parade will be the biggest and best ever. Last minute work continues on floats and costumes for the parade, which steps off a 9:30 a.m.

(More History)