Chuckles for January 2014



January 02
Overweight is something that just snacks up on you.
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January 06
Money flies when you're having fun.


January 08
I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
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January 10
I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
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January 13
Drilling for oil is boring.
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January 15
Two parrots sat on a perch. One said to the other, "Do you smell fish?"
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January 17
How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but you should have seen the size of that lightbulb!
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January 20
It's not who you know, it's whom you know.
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January 22
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
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January 24
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
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January 27
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, that's a hardware problem.
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January 29
A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."
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January 31
Time is a great healer, but a terrible beautician.
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Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Oct. 20, the 293rd day of 2014. There are 72 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The store of Devoe and Crampton was entered and robbed of about $500 worth of gold pens and pocket cutlery last night.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Michael Malloy was named president of the Tri-City Stone Cutters Union.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Dewitte C. Poole, former Moline newspaperman serving as vice consul general for the United States government in Paris, declared in a letter to friends that the once gay Paris is a city of sadness and desolation.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Plans for the construction of an $80,000 wholesale bakery at 2011 4th Ave. were announced by Harry and Nick Coin, of Rock Island. It is to be known as the Banquet Bakery.
1964 -- 50 years ago: An application has been filed for a state permit to organize a savings and loan association in Moline, it was announced. The applicants are Ben Butterworth, A.B. Lundahl, C. Richard Evans, John Harris, George Crampton and William Getz, all of Moline, Charles Roberts, Rock Island, and Charles Johnson, of Hampton.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Indian summer is quickly disappearing as temperatures slide into the 40s and 50s this week. Last week, highs were in the 80s.


(More History)