Chuckles for January 2014



January 02
Overweight is something that just snacks up on you.
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January 06
Money flies when you're having fun.


January 08
I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
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January 10
I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
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January 13
Drilling for oil is boring.
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January 15
Two parrots sat on a perch. One said to the other, "Do you smell fish?"
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January 17
How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but you should have seen the size of that lightbulb!
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January 20
It's not who you know, it's whom you know.
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January 22
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
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January 24
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
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January 27
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, that's a hardware problem.
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January 29
A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."
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January 31
Time is a great healer, but a terrible beautician.
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Back: Past Chuckles






Local events heading








  Today is Tuesday, Sept 2, the 245th day of 2014. There are 120 days left in the year.

1864 — 150 years ago: It is estimated that 300,000 people attended the recent Democratic convention in Chicago when Gen. George B. McClellan of New Jersey was nominated as a candidate for president of the United States.
1889 — 125 years ago: Alderman Frank Ill, Winslow Howard and Captain J.M. Montgomery returned from Milwaukee, where they attended the national Grand Army of the Republic encampment.
1914 — 100 years ago: Three members of the Rock Island YMCA accepted positions as physical directors of other associations. Albert Cook went to Kewanee, C.D. Curtis to Canton and Willis Woods to Leavenworth, Kan.
1939 — 75 years ago: Former President Herbert Hoover appealed for national support of President F.D. Roosevelt and Congress in every effort to keep the United States out of war.
1964 — 50 years ago: The Rock Island Junior chamber pf Commerce has received answers to about 65 % of the 600 questionnaires mailed out recently in a "Community Attitude Survey" to analyze sentiments of citizens towards their city's various recreational, educational, and civic service programs.
1989 — 25 years ago: The two thunderstorms passing through the Quad Cities last night and early today left some area residents reaching for their flashlights.






(More History)