Chuckles for January 2014



January 02
Overweight is something that just snacks up on you.
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January 06
Money flies when you're having fun.


January 08
I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
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January 10
I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
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January 13
Drilling for oil is boring.
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January 15
Two parrots sat on a perch. One said to the other, "Do you smell fish?"
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January 17
How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but you should have seen the size of that lightbulb!
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January 20
It's not who you know, it's whom you know.
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January 22
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
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January 24
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
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January 27
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, that's a hardware problem.
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January 29
A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."
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January 31
Time is a great healer, but a terrible beautician.
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Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Wednesday, Oct. 1, the 274th day of 2014. There are 91 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: It is rumored in the streets that the 13 negroes sent to Quincy on the Moline quota were refused. We think this must be a mistake.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Harvey McKenna, of Detroit, billiard player matched to play Wizard Schafer in New York in January for the world championship, was a professional friend and manager, Billy Catton in Rock Island.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Levi Cralle, former Rock Island county sheriff, had come from his farm near Mitchell, S.D. to visit friends in the city.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Work is being rushed on the new high school building in Orion to replace the one destroyed by fire last winter. Classes are being held in churches.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Rehearsals for the 84th season of the Handel Oratorio Society chorus will begin at 7:30 p.m. Monday on the stage of Centennial Hall, Augustana College.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Rock Island City Council's plan announced this week to have the federal government vacate Valley Homes public housing and move residents to Arsenal Courts to reduce density may not be feasible.






(More History)