Chuckles for December 2013

December 02
There's no future in time travel.

December 04
There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.

December 06
I've got a mind like a.. a.. what's that thing called?

December 09
There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't tell all you know.

December 11
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

December 13
Can you play sole music with a shoe horn?

December 16
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.

December 18
In football, why does the running back run forward?

December 20
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.

December 26
Two fish are in a tank. One says the other, "How do you drive this thing?"

December 30
I've told you a million times not to exaggerate!

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Wednesday, Oct. 1, the 274th day of 2014. There are 91 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: It is rumored in the streets that the 13 negroes sent to Quincy on the Moline quota were refused. We think this must be a mistake.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Harvey McKenna, of Detroit, billiard player matched to play Wizard Schafer in New York in January for the world championship, was a professional friend and manager, Billy Catton in Rock Island.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Levi Cralle, former Rock Island county sheriff, had come from his farm near Mitchell, S.D. to visit friends in the city.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Work is being rushed on the new high school building in Orion to replace the one destroyed by fire last winter. Classes are being held in churches.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Rehearsals for the 84th season of the Handel Oratorio Society chorus will begin at 7:30 p.m. Monday on the stage of Centennial Hall, Augustana College.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Rock Island City Council's plan announced this week to have the federal government vacate Valley Homes public housing and move residents to Arsenal Courts to reduce density may not be feasible.

(More History)