Chuckles for December 2013

December 02
There's no future in time travel.

December 04
There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.

December 06
I've got a mind like a.. a.. what's that thing called?

December 09
There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't tell all you know.

December 11
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

December 13
Can you play sole music with a shoe horn?

December 16
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.

December 18
In football, why does the running back run forward?

December 20
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.

December 26
Two fish are in a tank. One says the other, "How do you drive this thing?"

December 30
I've told you a million times not to exaggerate!

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Monday, Sept. 1, the 244th day of 2014. There are 121 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We are informed by J.H. Hull that the reason the street sprinkler was not at work yesterday settling the dust on the streets, was because one of his horses was injured.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Bonnie McGregor, a fleet-footed stallion owned by S.W. Wheelock of this community, covered himself with glory at Lexington, Ky, when he ran a mile in 2:13 1/2. The horse's value was estimated as at least $50,000.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Troops are pouring into Paris to prepare for defense of the city. The German army is reported to be only 60 miles from the capital of France.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The German army has invaded Poland in undeclared warfare. Poland has appealed to Great Britain and France for aid.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Publication of a plant newspaper, the Farmall Works News, has been launched at the Rock Island IHC factory and replaces a managerial newsletter.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Officials predict Monday's Rock Island Labor Parade will be the biggest and best ever. Last minute work continues on floats and costumes for the parade, which steps off a 9:30 a.m.

(More History)