Chuckles for September 2013

September 03
In football, why does the running back run forward?

September 04
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

September 06
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

September 09
You never know what real happiness is until you get married, and then it is too late.

September 11
It's not who you know, it's whom you know.

September 16
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

September 18
How do they get the "Keep off the grass" sign on the grass?

September 23
What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?

September 25
When I was young, I just wanted a BMW. Now that I'm older, I don't need the W.

September 27
I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

September 30
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Wednesday, Sept. 17, the 260th day of 2014. There are 105 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: We are told league merchants have paid no attention to the prohibition on selling ammunition, but continue to sell just as before the order was issued.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The Rev. R.F. Sweet, rector of Trinity Episcopal Parish, left for the East to visit his boyhood home in Boston before attending the general convention of the Episcopal Church in New York.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Dr. E.A. Anderson was named to succeed Dr. E.L. Kerns as head physician of the Modern Woodmen of America, and moved to Rock Island from Holdingford, Minn.
1939 -- 75 years ago: One week late, because of the outbreak of war, Dr. E.L. Beyer resumed his work as professor of romance languages at Augustana College. Dr. and Mrs. Beyer left Germany on the last train to the Belgian border.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Employees in Turnstyle stores in Moline and Davenport will vote Oct. 2 in an election set up by the Chicago regional office of the National Labor Relations Board. Employees will vote either for the Retail Clerk International or for no union.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Rock Island High School is considering a step to help teen moms stay in school and get their diploma. The school board is expected to vote tonight on instituting an on-site child care center.

(More History)