Chuckles for September 2013

September 03
In football, why does the running back run forward?

September 04
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

September 06
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

September 09
You never know what real happiness is until you get married, and then it is too late.

September 11
It's not who you know, it's whom you know.

September 16
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

September 18
How do they get the "Keep off the grass" sign on the grass?

September 23
What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?

September 25
When I was young, I just wanted a BMW. Now that I'm older, I don't need the W.

September 27
I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

September 30
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Thursday, July 31, the 212th day of 2014. There are 153 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: A corps of surgeons now occupies the new hospital quarters at the Garrison Hospital on the Rock Island Arsenal. A fence has been installed to enclose the prison hospital.
1889 -- 125 years ago: B. Winter has let a contract to Christ Schreiner for a two story brick building with a double store front on the south side of 3rd Avenue just west of 17th Street. The estimated cost was $4,500.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Germany sent simultaneous ultimatums to Russia and France, demanding that Russia suspend mobilization within 12 hours and demanding that France inform Germany within 18 hours. In the case of war between Germany and Russia, France would remain neutral.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Civil service offices at the post office and the Rock Island Arsenal were swamped as more than 700 youths sought 15 machinist apprenticeships at the Arsenal.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Last night, American Legion Post 246 in Moline figuratively handed over the trousers to a female ex-Marine and petticoat rule began. Olga Swanson, of Moline, was installed as the first woman commander of the post .
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Illinois Quad City Civic Center captured the excitement and interest of a convention of auditorium managers this weekend in Reno, Nev. Bill Adams, civic center authority chairman, said the 10,000-seat arena planned for downtown Moline has caught the eye of construction firms, suppliers, management teams and concession groups.

(More History)