Chuckles for September 2013

September 03
In football, why does the running back run forward?

September 04
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

September 06
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

September 09
You never know what real happiness is until you get married, and then it is too late.

September 11
It's not who you know, it's whom you know.

September 16
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

September 18
How do they get the "Keep off the grass" sign on the grass?

September 23
What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?

September 25
When I was young, I just wanted a BMW. Now that I'm older, I don't need the W.

September 27
I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

September 30
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Wednesday, Oct. 1, the 274th day of 2014. There are 91 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: It is rumored in the streets that the 13 negroes sent to Quincy on the Moline quota were refused. We think this must be a mistake.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Harvey McKenna, of Detroit, billiard player matched to play Wizard Schafer in New York in January for the world championship, was a professional friend and manager, Billy Catton in Rock Island.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Levi Cralle, former Rock Island county sheriff, had come from his farm near Mitchell, S.D. to visit friends in the city.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Work is being rushed on the new high school building in Orion to replace the one destroyed by fire last winter. Classes are being held in churches.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Rehearsals for the 84th season of the Handel Oratorio Society chorus will begin at 7:30 p.m. Monday on the stage of Centennial Hall, Augustana College.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Rock Island City Council's plan announced this week to have the federal government vacate Valley Homes public housing and move residents to Arsenal Courts to reduce density may not be feasible.

(More History)