Chuckles for July 2013

July 01
Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh.

July 03
A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.

July 08
I wouldn't touch the metric system with a 3.048m pole!

July 10
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

July 12
Karaoke is Japanese for "tone deaf".

July 15
What do you call a pig thief?
A hamburglar!

July 17
A good pun is its own reword.
A hamburglar!

July 19
There is no "I" in "Team", but there are four in "Platitude-Quoting Idiot".

July 22
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

July 24
Karaoke is Japanese for "tone deaf".

July 26
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

July 29
A guy says to a dentist, "$90 to pull a tooth? That's only about one minute's work!" The dentist says, "I can make it last longer if you'd like."

July 31
"I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do" is the longest sentence?

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Tuesday, July 29, the 210th day of 2014. There are 155 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Col. H.F. Sickless informs us that there will be new organization of troops in this state under the call for more men.
1889 -- 125 years ago: James Normoyle arrived home after graduating from West Point with honors in the class of 1889. He was to report to Fort Brady, Mich., as second lieutenant in the 23rd Infantry.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Austria Hungary declared war on Serbia. Germany and Austria refused an invitation of Sir Edward Grey to join Great Britain at a mediation conference.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Dr. William Mayo, the last of the three famous Mayo brother surgeons, died at the age of 78.
1964 -- 50 years ago: One of the biggest horse shows of the season was held yesterday at Hillandale Arena on Knoxville Road under the sponsorship of the Illowa Horsemen's Club.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Davenport is like a gigantic carnival this weekend with the Bix Arts Fest taking over 12 square blocks of the downtown area. A festive atmosphere prevailed Friday as thousands of people turned out to sample what the Arts Fest has to offer.

(More History)