Chuckles for July 2013

July 01
Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh.

July 03
A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.

July 08
I wouldn't touch the metric system with a 3.048m pole!

July 10
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

July 12
Karaoke is Japanese for "tone deaf".

July 15
What do you call a pig thief?
A hamburglar!

July 17
A good pun is its own reword.
A hamburglar!

July 19
There is no "I" in "Team", but there are four in "Platitude-Quoting Idiot".

July 22
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

July 24
Karaoke is Japanese for "tone deaf".

July 26
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

July 29
A guy says to a dentist, "$90 to pull a tooth? That's only about one minute's work!" The dentist says, "I can make it last longer if you'd like."

July 31
"I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do" is the longest sentence?

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Friday, Aug. 22, the 234th day of 2014. There are 131 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: The ferry boat, Rock Island, having been put in good order at the boat yard is now making her regular trips, much to the gratification of those who have to cross the river.
1889 -- 125 years ago: W.J. Gamble, for many years superintendent of the Moline & Rock Island railway, leased the Fourth Avenue Hotel and renovated and refurnished it throughout.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Pending the building of new public schools or additions to the present ones to provide adequate room for all the children, the board of education decided that pupils younger than 6 years old would not be accepted in Rock Island schools.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The fifth annual New Windsor Fair and Horse show, which has been delayed for two days because of unfavorable weather, got off to a new start last night. The parade was held this morning.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The Rock Island County Fair and Rodeo will celebrate its silver anniversary this year. The fair opens Tuesday and will run through Saturday and offers entertainment and activity for young and old.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Earl Hanson School, Rock Island, joins the Program to Assist Latch Key Student, which aids working parents. PALS is a before and after school program for grades 1-6 in certain Rock Island public and private schools.

(More History)