Chuckles for July 2013

July 01
Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh.

July 03
A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.

July 08
I wouldn't touch the metric system with a 3.048m pole!

July 10
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

July 12
Karaoke is Japanese for "tone deaf".

July 15
What do you call a pig thief?
A hamburglar!

July 17
A good pun is its own reword.
A hamburglar!

July 19
There is no "I" in "Team", but there are four in "Platitude-Quoting Idiot".

July 22
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

July 24
Karaoke is Japanese for "tone deaf".

July 26
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

July 29
A guy says to a dentist, "$90 to pull a tooth? That's only about one minute's work!" The dentist says, "I can make it last longer if you'd like."

July 31
"I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do" is the longest sentence?

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Wednesday, Sept. 17, the 260th day of 2014. There are 105 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: We are told league merchants have paid no attention to the prohibition on selling ammunition, but continue to sell just as before the order was issued.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The Rev. R.F. Sweet, rector of Trinity Episcopal Parish, left for the East to visit his boyhood home in Boston before attending the general convention of the Episcopal Church in New York.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Dr. E.A. Anderson was named to succeed Dr. E.L. Kerns as head physician of the Modern Woodmen of America, and moved to Rock Island from Holdingford, Minn.
1939 -- 75 years ago: One week late, because of the outbreak of war, Dr. E.L. Beyer resumed his work as professor of romance languages at Augustana College. Dr. and Mrs. Beyer left Germany on the last train to the Belgian border.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Employees in Turnstyle stores in Moline and Davenport will vote Oct. 2 in an election set up by the Chicago regional office of the National Labor Relations Board. Employees will vote either for the Retail Clerk International or for no union.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Rock Island High School is considering a step to help teen moms stay in school and get their diploma. The school board is expected to vote tonight on instituting an on-site child care center.

(More History)