Chuckles for July 2013

July 01
Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh.

July 03
A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.

July 08
I wouldn't touch the metric system with a 3.048m pole!

July 10
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

July 12
Karaoke is Japanese for "tone deaf".

July 15
What do you call a pig thief?
A hamburglar!

July 17
A good pun is its own reword.
A hamburglar!

July 19
There is no "I" in "Team", but there are four in "Platitude-Quoting Idiot".

July 22
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

July 24
Karaoke is Japanese for "tone deaf".

July 26
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

July 29
A guy says to a dentist, "$90 to pull a tooth? That's only about one minute's work!" The dentist says, "I can make it last longer if you'd like."

July 31
"I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do" is the longest sentence?

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Monday, Sept. 1, the 244th day of 2014. There are 121 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We are informed by J.H. Hull that the reason the street sprinkler was not at work yesterday settling the dust on the streets, was because one of his horses was injured.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Bonnie McGregor, a fleet-footed stallion owned by S.W. Wheelock of this community, covered himself with glory at Lexington, Ky, when he ran a mile in 2:13 1/2. The horse's value was estimated as at least $50,000.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Troops are pouring into Paris to prepare for defense of the city. The German army is reported to be only 60 miles from the capital of France.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The German army has invaded Poland in undeclared warfare. Poland has appealed to Great Britain and France for aid.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Publication of a plant newspaper, the Farmall Works News, has been launched at the Rock Island IHC factory and replaces a managerial newsletter.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Officials predict Monday's Rock Island Labor Parade will be the biggest and best ever. Last minute work continues on floats and costumes for the parade, which steps off a 9:30 a.m.

(More History)