Chuckles for May 2013

May 01
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

May 03
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

May 06
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

May 09
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

May 13
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

May 15
The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

May 17
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

May 20
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

May 22
The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it.

May 24
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

May 28
When life gives me lemons, I make a whiskey sour and go to bed.

May 29
Think positive. If you fall in the creek, check your pockets for fish.

May 31
I joined health spa recently. They had a sign that said "free weights." So I took a couple.

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Wednesday, April 16, the 106th day of 2014. There are 259 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: Yesterday some bold thief stole a full bolt of calico from a box in front of Wadsworth's store, where it was on exhibition.
1889 -- 125 years ago: A team belonging to Peter Priese got away from its driver and made a mad run across the Rock Island Bridge. The driver was thrown from his seat but not hurt.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Carlton Taylor was appointed district deputy grand master for the 14th
Masonic District of Illinois.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Moline's million dollar municipal airport was dedicated to air transportation and the national defense by Lt. Gov. John Stelle.
1964 -- 50 years ago: THE ARGUS will be election headquarters for Rock Island County tomorrow night, and the public is invited to watch the operation. The closing of the polls at 6 p.m. will mark the start of open house in the newsroom. Visitors will see staff members receiving, tabulating and posting returns.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Few bricks actually tumbled, but no one seemed to mind as about 1,000 people gathered to celebrate the formal start of demolition at the site of a downtown civic center.

(More History)