Chuckles for May 2013



May 01
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
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May 03
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
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May 06
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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May 09
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
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May 13
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
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May 15
The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
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May 17
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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May 20
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
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May 22
The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it.
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May 24
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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May 28
When life gives me lemons, I make a whiskey sour and go to bed.
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May 29
Think positive. If you fall in the creek, check your pockets for fish.
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May 31
I joined health spa recently. They had a sign that said "free weights." So I took a couple.
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Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Thursday, April 24, the 114th day of 2014. There are 251 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We learn that it is a contemplation to start a paper mill in Rock Island during the summer by a gentleman from the East.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The gates of Oklahoma were swung open at noon today, and a throng of more than 30,000 settlers started over its soil.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The Iowa Coliseum Co. was incorporated with $40,000 capital and planned a building on 4th Street between Warren and Green streets in Davenport.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Plans are being discussed for resurfacing the streets in the entire downtown district of Rock Island.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Some 45 jobs will be created at J.I. Case Co.'s Rock Island plant in a expansion of operations announced yesterday afternoon at the firm's headquarters in Racine, Wis.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Gardeners and farmers cheered, but not all Quad-Citians found joy Saturday as more than an inch of rain fell on the area. Motorists faced dangerous, rain-slick roads as the water activated grease and grime that had built up during dry weather.








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