Chuckles for May 2013

May 01
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

May 03
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

May 06
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

May 09
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

May 13
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

May 15
The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

May 17
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

May 20
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

May 22
The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it.

May 24
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

May 28
When life gives me lemons, I make a whiskey sour and go to bed.

May 29
Think positive. If you fall in the creek, check your pockets for fish.

May 31
I joined health spa recently. They had a sign that said "free weights." So I took a couple.

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Friday, July 25, the 206th day of 2014. There are 159 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Walter Jones, of Co, F 23rd Ky, volunteers, lost a satchel on the Camden road, yesterday, containing his papers of discharge from the army.
1889 -- 125 years ago: E. W. Robinson purchased from Mrs. J.T. Miller the livery stable on the triangle south of Market square.
1914 -- 100 years ago: A municipal; bathing beach was advocated at the weekly meeting of the city commission by commissioner Rudgren, who suggested the foot of Seventh Street as an excellent location.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Floyd Shetter, Rock Island county superintendent schools, announced teachers hired for nearly all of the 95 rural and village grade schools in the county.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The mercury officially reached the season's previous high of 95 about noon today and continued upward toward an expected mark of 97.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Fort Armstrong hotel once the wining and dining chambers of Rock Island's elite is under repair. Progress is being made though at a seeming snail's pace to return the building to a semblance of its past glory for senior citizen's homes.

(More History)