Chuckles for May 2013

May 01
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

May 03
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

May 06
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

May 09
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

May 13
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

May 15
The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

May 17
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

May 20
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

May 22
The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it.

May 24
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

May 28
When life gives me lemons, I make a whiskey sour and go to bed.

May 29
Think positive. If you fall in the creek, check your pockets for fish.

May 31
I joined health spa recently. They had a sign that said "free weights." So I took a couple.

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Thursday, April 24, the 114th day of 2014. There are 251 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We learn that it is a contemplation to start a paper mill in Rock Island during the summer by a gentleman from the East.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The gates of Oklahoma were swung open at noon today, and a throng of more than 30,000 settlers started over its soil.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The Iowa Coliseum Co. was incorporated with $40,000 capital and planned a building on 4th Street between Warren and Green streets in Davenport.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Plans are being discussed for resurfacing the streets in the entire downtown district of Rock Island.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Some 45 jobs will be created at J.I. Case Co.'s Rock Island plant in a expansion of operations announced yesterday afternoon at the firm's headquarters in Racine, Wis.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Gardeners and farmers cheered, but not all Quad-Citians found joy Saturday as more than an inch of rain fell on the area. Motorists faced dangerous, rain-slick roads as the water activated grease and grime that had built up during dry weather.

(More History)