Chuckles for May 2013

May 01
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

May 03
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

May 06
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

May 09
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

May 13
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

May 15
The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

May 17
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

May 20
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

May 22
The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it.

May 24
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

May 28
When life gives me lemons, I make a whiskey sour and go to bed.

May 29
Think positive. If you fall in the creek, check your pockets for fish.

May 31
I joined health spa recently. They had a sign that said "free weights." So I took a couple.

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Saturday, Aug. 2, the 214th day of 2014. There are 151 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Because of the National Fast, no paper will be issued from this office tomorrow.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Attracting considerable attention is a sunflower stalk 15 feet high and still growing in the yard of Dr. C. Speidel on 23rd Street in Rock Island.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The municipal bathing beach proposition came up again at the city commission's meeting and a proposition passed, provided that a locker room be constructed at the foot of 7th Street for the accommodation of the bathers.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Plans for erecting a $14,000 warehouse to replace the frame structure at the rear of the Augustana Book Concern were announced.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Hours for tours of the new Deere & Co. Administrative Center on John Deere Road will be changed, effective Monday.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Tuesday night at the Great Mississippi Valley Fair in Davenport the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band gave its fans more than they possibly could have expected. The band took the stage at 9:07 p.m. and didn't leave until 10:40.

(More History)