Chuckles for May 2013



May 01
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
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May 03
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
onelinerz.net/

May 06
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
onelinerz.net/

May 09
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
onelinerz.net/

May 13
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
onelinerz.net/

May 15
The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
onelinerz.net/

May 17
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
onelinerz.net/

May 20
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
onelinerz.net/

May 22
The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it.
onelinerz.net/

May 24
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
onelinerz.net/

May 28
When life gives me lemons, I make a whiskey sour and go to bed.
onelinerz.net/

May 29
Think positive. If you fall in the creek, check your pockets for fish.
onelinerz.net/

May 31
I joined health spa recently. They had a sign that said "free weights." So I took a couple.
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Back: Past Chuckles






Local events heading








  Today is Wednesday, April 16, the 106th day of 2014. There are 259 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: Yesterday some bold thief stole a full bolt of calico from a box in front of Wadsworth's store, where it was on exhibition.
1889 -- 125 years ago: A team belonging to Peter Priese got away from its driver and made a mad run across the Rock Island Bridge. The driver was thrown from his seat but not hurt.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Carlton Taylor was appointed district deputy grand master for the 14th
Masonic District of Illinois.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Moline's million dollar municipal airport was dedicated to air transportation and the national defense by Lt. Gov. John Stelle.
1964 -- 50 years ago: THE ARGUS will be election headquarters for Rock Island County tomorrow night, and the public is invited to watch the operation. The closing of the polls at 6 p.m. will mark the start of open house in the newsroom. Visitors will see staff members receiving, tabulating and posting returns.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Few bricks actually tumbled, but no one seemed to mind as about 1,000 people gathered to celebrate the formal start of demolition at the site of a downtown civic center.




(More History)