Chuckles for May 2013



May 01
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
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May 03
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
onelinerz.net/

May 06
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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May 09
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
onelinerz.net/

May 13
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
onelinerz.net/

May 15
The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
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May 17
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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May 20
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
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May 22
The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it.
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May 24
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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May 28
When life gives me lemons, I make a whiskey sour and go to bed.
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May 29
Think positive. If you fall in the creek, check your pockets for fish.
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May 31
I joined health spa recently. They had a sign that said "free weights." So I took a couple.
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Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Friday, July 25, the 206th day of 2014. There are 159 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Walter Jones, of Co, F 23rd Ky, volunteers, lost a satchel on the Camden road, yesterday, containing his papers of discharge from the army.
1889 -- 125 years ago: E. W. Robinson purchased from Mrs. J.T. Miller the livery stable on the triangle south of Market square.
1914 -- 100 years ago: A municipal; bathing beach was advocated at the weekly meeting of the city commission by commissioner Rudgren, who suggested the foot of Seventh Street as an excellent location.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Floyd Shetter, Rock Island county superintendent schools, announced teachers hired for nearly all of the 95 rural and village grade schools in the county.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The mercury officially reached the season's previous high of 95 about noon today and continued upward toward an expected mark of 97.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Fort Armstrong hotel once the wining and dining chambers of Rock Island's elite is under repair. Progress is being made though at a seeming snail's pace to return the building to a semblance of its past glory for senior citizen's homes.








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