Chuckles for October 2007



October 04
No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut.
--Sam Rayburn (1882 - 1961)

October 08
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
--George Burns

October 09
What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living.
--Doug Larson

October 11
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
--Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998)

October 15
Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.
--Cullen Hightower

October 17
What's the best way to prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
(Don't bite any.)

October 18
What is small, purple, and dangerous? (A grape with a machine gun.)

October 19
Teacher: What's the formula for water? Student: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O Teacher: That's not the formula I gave you. Student: Well you said H to O.

October 19
Teacher: What's the formula for water?
Student: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O
Teacher: That's not the formula I gave you.
Student: Well you said H to O.

October 22
What do you call a sheep that is covered with chocolate?
(A Hershey "baaa") id H to O.

October 22
What do you call a sheep that is covered with chocolate?
(A Hershey "baaa")

October 23
How many beans can you put into an empty bag?
(One. After that the bag isn't empty.)

October 24
Real Estate Agent: Here's a house without any flaws.
Customer: Then what do you walk on?

October 25
What's long and yellow and always points north? (A magnetic banana.)

October 29
Q. What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
A. Wrap!!!!!

October 30
Q. Why did the ghost go into the bar?
A. For the Boos.

October 31
Q. What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae?
A. Whipped scream.

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Saturday, Aug. 23, the 235th day of 2014. There are 130 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Telegraph reports state that, about 6 o'clock on the evening of the 20th, Quantrill, with about 800 of his thieves and robbers, surrounded Lawrence, Kan., and burned it to the ground.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Newton Beer's production of "Lost in London," which had a successful run for three seasons, was presented at Harper's Theater.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The German army commanded by Fran Duke Albrecht of Wurtemburg defeated the French army at Neufchmtenu.
1939 -- 75 years ago: John Deere Harvester Works in East Moline is starting a four-story, $104,000 addition to the combine assembly building.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Short Hills Country Club held onto its lead yesterday despite a rally by host Davenport Country Club and claimed the team title in the Sunshine Cup golf series.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Quad-Citians can look forward to more excitement and fun at this year's Rock Island Labor Day parade at 9:30 a.m. Sept 4, say organizers. This years theme is "Celebrate Rock Island."






(More History)