Chuckles for October 2007



October 04
No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut.
--Sam Rayburn (1882 - 1961)

October 08
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
--George Burns

October 09
What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living.
--Doug Larson

October 11
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
--Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998)

October 15
Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.
--Cullen Hightower

October 17
What's the best way to prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
(Don't bite any.)

October 18
What is small, purple, and dangerous? (A grape with a machine gun.)

October 19
Teacher: What's the formula for water? Student: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O Teacher: That's not the formula I gave you. Student: Well you said H to O.

October 19
Teacher: What's the formula for water?
Student: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O
Teacher: That's not the formula I gave you.
Student: Well you said H to O.

October 22
What do you call a sheep that is covered with chocolate?
(A Hershey "baaa") id H to O.

October 22
What do you call a sheep that is covered with chocolate?
(A Hershey "baaa")

October 23
How many beans can you put into an empty bag?
(One. After that the bag isn't empty.)

October 24
Real Estate Agent: Here's a house without any flaws.
Customer: Then what do you walk on?

October 25
What's long and yellow and always points north? (A magnetic banana.)

October 29
Q. What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
A. Wrap!!!!!

October 30
Q. Why did the ghost go into the bar?
A. For the Boos.

October 31
Q. What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae?
A. Whipped scream.

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Tuesday, July 29, the 210th day of 2014. There are 155 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Col. H.F. Sickless informs us that there will be new organization of troops in this state under the call for more men.
1889 -- 125 years ago: James Normoyle arrived home after graduating from West Point with honors in the class of 1889. He was to report to Fort Brady, Mich., as second lieutenant in the 23rd Infantry.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Austria Hungary declared war on Serbia. Germany and Austria refused an invitation of Sir Edward Grey to join Great Britain at a mediation conference.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Dr. William Mayo, the last of the three famous Mayo brother surgeons, died at the age of 78.
1964 -- 50 years ago: One of the biggest horse shows of the season was held yesterday at Hillandale Arena on Knoxville Road under the sponsorship of the Illowa Horsemen's Club.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Davenport is like a gigantic carnival this weekend with the Bix Arts Fest taking over 12 square blocks of the downtown area. A festive atmosphere prevailed Friday as thousands of people turned out to sample what the Arts Fest has to offer.








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