Chuckles for October 2007



October 04
No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut.
--Sam Rayburn (1882 - 1961)

October 08
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
--George Burns

October 09
What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living.
--Doug Larson

October 11
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
--Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998)

October 15
Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.
--Cullen Hightower

October 17
What's the best way to prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
(Don't bite any.)

October 18
What is small, purple, and dangerous? (A grape with a machine gun.)

October 19
Teacher: What's the formula for water? Student: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O Teacher: That's not the formula I gave you. Student: Well you said H to O.

October 19
Teacher: What's the formula for water?
Student: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O
Teacher: That's not the formula I gave you.
Student: Well you said H to O.

October 22
What do you call a sheep that is covered with chocolate?
(A Hershey "baaa") id H to O.

October 22
What do you call a sheep that is covered with chocolate?
(A Hershey "baaa")

October 23
How many beans can you put into an empty bag?
(One. After that the bag isn't empty.)

October 24
Real Estate Agent: Here's a house without any flaws.
Customer: Then what do you walk on?

October 25
What's long and yellow and always points north? (A magnetic banana.)

October 29
Q. What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
A. Wrap!!!!!

October 30
Q. Why did the ghost go into the bar?
A. For the Boos.

October 31
Q. What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae?
A. Whipped scream.

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Tuesday, Sept, 30, the 273rd day of 2014. There are 92 days left in the year.

1864 — 150 years ago: The ARGUS Boys are very anxious to attend the great Democratic mass meeting tomorrow and we shall therefore, print no paper on the day.
1889 — 125 years ago: H.J. Lowery resigned from his position as manager at the Harper House.
1914 — 100 years ago: Curtis & Simonson was the name of a new legal partnership formed by two younger members of the Rock Island County Bar. Hugh Cyrtis and Devore Simonson..
1939 — 75 years ago: Harry Grell, deputy county clerk was named county recorder to fill the vacancy caused by a resignation.
1964 — 50 years ago: A new world wide reader insurance service program offering around the clock accident protection for Argus subscribers and their families is announced today.
1989 — 25 years ago: Tomato plant and other sensitive greenery may have had a hard time surviving overnight as temperatures neared the freezing point.




(More History)