Chuckles for June 2007



June 01
The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires.
--Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)

June 04
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
--Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004)

June 07
Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places.
--E. Joseph Crossman

June 11
At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.
-- P. G. Wodehouse

June 12
If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
--Bill Lyon

June 13
I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true. --Dorothy Parker

June 14
Why is it drug addicts and computer afficionados are both called users?
--Clifford Stoll

June 15
My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's. --Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

June 19
O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
--Saint Augustine (354 AD - 430 AD)

June 21
Howard Hughes was able to afford the luxury of madness, like a man who not only thinks he is Napoleon but hires an army to prove it.
--Ted Morgan

June 22
Never eat more than you can lift.
--Miss Piggy

June 27
When everyone is somebody, then no one's anybody.
--W. S. Gilbert (1836 - 1911)

June 28
For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three.
--Alice Kahn

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Oct. 20, the 293rd day of 2014. There are 72 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The store of Devoe and Crampton was entered and robbed of about $500 worth of gold pens and pocket cutlery last night.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Michael Malloy was named president of the Tri-City Stone Cutters Union.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Dewitte C. Poole, former Moline newspaperman serving as vice consul general for the United States government in Paris, declared in a letter to friends that the once gay Paris is a city of sadness and desolation.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Plans for the construction of an $80,000 wholesale bakery at 2011 4th Ave. were announced by Harry and Nick Coin, of Rock Island. It is to be known as the Banquet Bakery.
1964 -- 50 years ago: An application has been filed for a state permit to organize a savings and loan association in Moline, it was announced. The applicants are Ben Butterworth, A.B. Lundahl, C. Richard Evans, John Harris, George Crampton and William Getz, all of Moline, Charles Roberts, Rock Island, and Charles Johnson, of Hampton.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Indian summer is quickly disappearing as temperatures slide into the 40s and 50s this week. Last week, highs were in the 80s.


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