Chuckles for June 2007



June 01
The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires.
--Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)

June 04
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
--Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004)

June 07
Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places.
--E. Joseph Crossman

June 11
At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.
-- P. G. Wodehouse

June 12
If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
--Bill Lyon

June 13
I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true. --Dorothy Parker

June 14
Why is it drug addicts and computer afficionados are both called users?
--Clifford Stoll

June 15
My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's. --Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

June 19
O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
--Saint Augustine (354 AD - 430 AD)

June 21
Howard Hughes was able to afford the luxury of madness, like a man who not only thinks he is Napoleon but hires an army to prove it.
--Ted Morgan

June 22
Never eat more than you can lift.
--Miss Piggy

June 27
When everyone is somebody, then no one's anybody.
--W. S. Gilbert (1836 - 1911)

June 28
For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three.
--Alice Kahn

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Local events heading








  Today is Friday, Sept. 19, the 262nd day of 2014. There are 103 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: Charles M. Osborn of this city, a lawyer of prominence, who voted for Lincoln in 1860 is now out strong for McClellan and will take the stump for him.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The George Fleming company had begun its dried fruit packing in a branch plant on 16th Street, Rock Island, employing nearly a hundred workers.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The cornerstone of the new Eagles home was laid. Building committee members were John Kobeman, Fred Ehmke and Frank Wich.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Former Kaiser Wilhelm, in exile, is sad as the Nazis march with communists.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Ninety-two members of the acappella choir at Davenport's West High School today accepted an invitation to perform at the New York World's Fair on June 13, 1965.
1989 -- 25 years ago: A Rock Island woman is one of 50 winners of $10,000 in cash in the Illinois State Lottery's "Celebration "89" instant ticket game. Dawn Loeffler was the third winner to be chosen through daily drawings that began Aug. 28 and will run 50 consecutive days.






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