Chuckles for June 2007



June 01
The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires.
--Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)

June 04
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
--Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004)

June 07
Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places.
--E. Joseph Crossman

June 11
At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.
-- P. G. Wodehouse

June 12
If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
--Bill Lyon

June 13
I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true. --Dorothy Parker

June 14
Why is it drug addicts and computer afficionados are both called users?
--Clifford Stoll

June 15
My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's. --Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

June 19
O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
--Saint Augustine (354 AD - 430 AD)

June 21
Howard Hughes was able to afford the luxury of madness, like a man who not only thinks he is Napoleon but hires an army to prove it.
--Ted Morgan

June 22
Never eat more than you can lift.
--Miss Piggy

June 27
When everyone is somebody, then no one's anybody.
--W. S. Gilbert (1836 - 1911)

June 28
For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three.
--Alice Kahn

Back: Past Chuckles






Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Sept. 1, the 244th day of 2014. There are 121 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We are informed by J.H. Hull that the reason the street sprinkler was not at work yesterday settling the dust on the streets, was because one of his horses was injured.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Bonnie McGregor, a fleet-footed stallion owned by S.W. Wheelock of this community, covered himself with glory at Lexington, Ky, when he ran a mile in 2:13 1/2. The horse's value was estimated as at least $50,000.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Troops are pouring into Paris to prepare for defense of the city. The German army is reported to be only 60 miles from the capital of France.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The German army has invaded Poland in undeclared warfare. Poland has appealed to Great Britain and France for aid.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Publication of a plant newspaper, the Farmall Works News, has been launched at the Rock Island IHC factory and replaces a managerial newsletter.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Officials predict Monday's Rock Island Labor Parade will be the biggest and best ever. Last minute work continues on floats and costumes for the parade, which steps off a 9:30 a.m.




(More History)