Chuckles for June 2007

June 01
The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires.
--Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)

June 04
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
--Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004)

June 07
Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places.
--E. Joseph Crossman

June 11
At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.
-- P. G. Wodehouse

June 12
If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
--Bill Lyon

June 13
I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true. --Dorothy Parker

June 14
Why is it drug addicts and computer afficionados are both called users?
--Clifford Stoll

June 15
My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's. --Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

June 19
O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
--Saint Augustine (354 AD - 430 AD)

June 21
Howard Hughes was able to afford the luxury of madness, like a man who not only thinks he is Napoleon but hires an army to prove it.
--Ted Morgan

June 22
Never eat more than you can lift.
--Miss Piggy

June 27
When everyone is somebody, then no one's anybody.
--W. S. Gilbert (1836 - 1911)

June 28
For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three.
--Alice Kahn

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