Chuckles for May 2007



May 01
When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news.
--John B. Bogart (1848 - 1921)

May 03
Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't.
--Pete Seeger

May 04
Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history.
--George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)

May 07
I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.
--Richard Diran

May 08
He who laughs, lasts!
--Mary Pettibone Poole

May 09
Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug.
--John Lithgow

May 10
Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.
--Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

May 16
The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
--George Jessel

May 17
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.
--Unknown

May 21
When I took office, only high energy physicists had ever heard of what is called the Worldwide Web.... Now even my cat has its own page.
--Bill Clinton,

May 22
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
--Rita Rudner

May 24
If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong.
--Mo Udall

May 29
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
--Will Rogers

May 30
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
--Spike Milligan

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Oct. 20, the 293rd day of 2014. There are 72 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The store of Devoe and Crampton was entered and robbed of about $500 worth of gold pens and pocket cutlery last night.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Michael Malloy was named president of the Tri-City Stone Cutters Union.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Dewitte C. Poole, former Moline newspaperman serving as vice consul general for the United States government in Paris, declared in a letter to friends that the once gay Paris is a city of sadness and desolation.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Plans for the construction of an $80,000 wholesale bakery at 2011 4th Ave. were announced by Harry and Nick Coin, of Rock Island. It is to be known as the Banquet Bakery.
1964 -- 50 years ago: An application has been filed for a state permit to organize a savings and loan association in Moline, it was announced. The applicants are Ben Butterworth, A.B. Lundahl, C. Richard Evans, John Harris, George Crampton and William Getz, all of Moline, Charles Roberts, Rock Island, and Charles Johnson, of Hampton.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Indian summer is quickly disappearing as temperatures slide into the 40s and 50s this week. Last week, highs were in the 80s.


(More History)