Chuckles for May 2007

May 01
When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news.
--John B. Bogart (1848 - 1921)

May 03
Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't.
--Pete Seeger

May 04
Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history.
--George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)

May 07
I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.
--Richard Diran

May 08
He who laughs, lasts!
--Mary Pettibone Poole

May 09
Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug.
--John Lithgow

May 10
Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.
--Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

May 16
The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
--George Jessel

May 17
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.
--Unknown

May 21
When I took office, only high energy physicists had ever heard of what is called the Worldwide Web.... Now even my cat has its own page.
--Bill Clinton,

May 22
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
--Rita Rudner

May 24
If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong.
--Mo Udall

May 29
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
--Will Rogers

May 30
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
--Spike Milligan

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