Chuckles for May 2007



May 01
When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news.
--John B. Bogart (1848 - 1921)

May 03
Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't.
--Pete Seeger

May 04
Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history.
--George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)

May 07
I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.
--Richard Diran

May 08
He who laughs, lasts!
--Mary Pettibone Poole

May 09
Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug.
--John Lithgow

May 10
Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.
--Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

May 16
The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
--George Jessel

May 17
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.
--Unknown

May 21
When I took office, only high energy physicists had ever heard of what is called the Worldwide Web.... Now even my cat has its own page.
--Bill Clinton,

May 22
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
--Rita Rudner

May 24
If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong.
--Mo Udall

May 29
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
--Will Rogers

May 30
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
--Spike Milligan

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Saturday, Aug. 2, the 214th day of 2014. There are 151 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Because of the National Fast, no paper will be issued from this office tomorrow.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Attracting considerable attention is a sunflower stalk 15 feet high and still growing in the yard of Dr. C. Speidel on 23rd Street in Rock Island.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The municipal bathing beach proposition came up again at the city commission's meeting and a proposition passed, provided that a locker room be constructed at the foot of 7th Street for the accommodation of the bathers.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Plans for erecting a $14,000 warehouse to replace the frame structure at the rear of the Augustana Book Concern were announced.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Hours for tours of the new Deere & Co. Administrative Center on John Deere Road will be changed, effective Monday.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Tuesday night at the Great Mississippi Valley Fair in Davenport the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band gave its fans more than they possibly could have expected. The band took the stage at 9:07 p.m. and didn't leave until 10:40.









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