Chuckles for March 2007

March 01
Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.
--Charles Kuralt

March 02
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
--Mary Wilson Little

March 05
Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
--Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914)

March 06
The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it.
--Doris Day (1924 - )

March 07
Men who never get carried away should be.
--Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990)

March 08
It is better to hide ignorance, but it is hard to do this when we relax over wine.
--Heraclitus (540 BC - 480 BC)

March 09
It's not the voting that's democracy, it's the counting.
--Tom Stoppard (1937 - ),

March 12
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
--Ellen DeGeneres

March 14
I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something.
--Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)

March 15
Q: What do you get if Batman and Robin get smashed by a steam roller?
A: Flatman and ribbon.

March 16
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
--Jean Cocteau (1889 - 1963)

March 19
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
--Woody Allen (1935 - )

March 21
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!

March 22
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
--Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

March 26
Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.
--Philip K. Dick (1928 - 1982)

March 29
"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."

March 30
I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens.
---Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890 - 1969)

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Wednesday, Oct. 1, the 274th day of 2014. There are 91 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: It is rumored in the streets that the 13 negroes sent to Quincy on the Moline quota were refused. We think this must be a mistake.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Harvey McKenna, of Detroit, billiard player matched to play Wizard Schafer in New York in January for the world championship, was a professional friend and manager, Billy Catton in Rock Island.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Levi Cralle, former Rock Island county sheriff, had come from his farm near Mitchell, S.D. to visit friends in the city.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Work is being rushed on the new high school building in Orion to replace the one destroyed by fire last winter. Classes are being held in churches.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Rehearsals for the 84th season of the Handel Oratorio Society chorus will begin at 7:30 p.m. Monday on the stage of Centennial Hall, Augustana College.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Rock Island City Council's plan announced this week to have the federal government vacate Valley Homes public housing and move residents to Arsenal Courts to reduce density may not be feasible.

(More History)