Chuckles for March 2007

March 01
Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.
--Charles Kuralt

March 02
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
--Mary Wilson Little

March 05
Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
--Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914)

March 06
The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it.
--Doris Day (1924 - )

March 07
Men who never get carried away should be.
--Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990)

March 08
It is better to hide ignorance, but it is hard to do this when we relax over wine.
--Heraclitus (540 BC - 480 BC)

March 09
It's not the voting that's democracy, it's the counting.
--Tom Stoppard (1937 - ),

March 12
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
--Ellen DeGeneres

March 14
I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something.
--Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)

March 15
Q: What do you get if Batman and Robin get smashed by a steam roller?
A: Flatman and ribbon.

March 16
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
--Jean Cocteau (1889 - 1963)

March 19
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
--Woody Allen (1935 - )

March 21
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!

March 22
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
--Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

March 26
Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.
--Philip K. Dick (1928 - 1982)

March 29
"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."

March 30
I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens.
---Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890 - 1969)

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Sunday, Aug. 31, the 243rd day of 2014. There are 122 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The Chicago and Rock Island Railroad will carry all who wish to attend the Chicago convention for half fare — that is, full fare to Chicago and return free.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Hardy Hetter, for several years yardmaster in the Burlington Railroad yards in Rock Island and Moline, was transferred to Beardstown. He was succeeded here by J.E. Albrecht.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Corn was estimated at 50 percent of the normal crop in Rock Island County by Crop Correspondent Thomas Campbell.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Robert Carroll, 12-year-old son of Mr. and Mrs. Farr Carroll, of near Aledo, won the grand championship of the Mercer County baby beef show with "Fat Stuff."
1964 -- 50 years ago: About 250 persons attended the first in a series of horse shows at the Hillandale Stables off Knoxville Road near Milan on Saturday afternoon and evening.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Ground was broken this morning for the $4.5 million Rock Valley Business Park near Rock Valley Plaza, Rock Island. The first building is 17,000 square feet for offices and a warehouse and should be completed by Dec. 1.

(More History)