Chuckles for March 2007

March 01
Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.
--Charles Kuralt

March 02
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
--Mary Wilson Little

March 05
Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
--Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914)

March 06
The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it.
--Doris Day (1924 - )

March 07
Men who never get carried away should be.
--Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990)

March 08
It is better to hide ignorance, but it is hard to do this when we relax over wine.
--Heraclitus (540 BC - 480 BC)

March 09
It's not the voting that's democracy, it's the counting.
--Tom Stoppard (1937 - ),

March 12
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
--Ellen DeGeneres

March 14
I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something.
--Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)

March 15
Q: What do you get if Batman and Robin get smashed by a steam roller?
A: Flatman and ribbon.

March 16
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
--Jean Cocteau (1889 - 1963)

March 19
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
--Woody Allen (1935 - )

March 21
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!

March 22
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
--Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

March 26
Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.
--Philip K. Dick (1928 - 1982)

March 29
"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."

March 30
I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens.
---Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890 - 1969)

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Monday, April 21, the 111th day of 2014. There are 254 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The female sex seems to have gone crazy on the subject of dry goods. When high prices keep them from increasing their wardrobes, they turn to stealing. Yard goods, hats, shoes and other items are being picked up and carried home.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Members of Everts Commandery No. 18, Knights Templar, under Commander H.C. Cleaveland, marched from the Masonic Temple to Trinity Episcopal Church for their annual Easter services.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Nate Hultgren pitched the Augustana College baseball team to a 10-3 victory over Carthage, striking out 11 men and allowing only four hits.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Marvel Leonhardi, a Rock Island High School senior, was the winner of an essay contest on advertising sponsored by The Argus and Advertising Age, a national advertising publication.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The Augustana College band drew a crowd of 1,200 people for its annual home concert in Centennial Hall. The size of the crowd was indicative of the fact the band is rapidly approaching the stature of the Augustana Choir.
1989 -- 25 years ago: A benefit to raise money for extracurricular activities in the Rock Island Milan School District will be April 27 at the Quad City Downs harness race track. People buying $17.50 tickets to the second annual "Night at the Quad City Downs" will be entitled to an evening of harness racing and dinner.

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