Chuckles for March 2007
Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
--Mary Wilson Little
Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
--Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914)
The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it.
--Doris Day (1924 - )
Men who never get carried away should be.
--Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990)
It is better to hide ignorance, but it is hard to do this when we relax over wine.
--Heraclitus (540 BC - 480 BC)
It's not the voting that's democracy, it's the counting.
--Tom Stoppard (1937 - ),
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something.
--Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)
Q: What do you get if Batman and Robin get smashed by a steam roller?
A: Flatman and ribbon.
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
--Jean Cocteau (1889 - 1963)
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
--Woody Allen (1935 - )
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
--Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.
--Philip K. Dick (1928 - 1982)
"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."
I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens.
---Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890 - 1969)
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