Chuckles for March 2007

March 01
Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.
--Charles Kuralt

March 02
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
--Mary Wilson Little

March 05
Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
--Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914)

March 06
The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it.
--Doris Day (1924 - )

March 07
Men who never get carried away should be.
--Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990)

March 08
It is better to hide ignorance, but it is hard to do this when we relax over wine.
--Heraclitus (540 BC - 480 BC)

March 09
It's not the voting that's democracy, it's the counting.
--Tom Stoppard (1937 - ),

March 12
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
--Ellen DeGeneres

March 14
I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something.
--Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)

March 15
Q: What do you get if Batman and Robin get smashed by a steam roller?
A: Flatman and ribbon.

March 16
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
--Jean Cocteau (1889 - 1963)

March 19
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
--Woody Allen (1935 - )

March 21
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!

March 22
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
--Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

March 26
Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.
--Philip K. Dick (1928 - 1982)

March 29
"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."

March 30
I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens.
---Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890 - 1969)

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Friday, Sept. 19, the 262nd day of 2014. There are 103 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: Charles M. Osborn of this city, a lawyer of prominence, who voted for Lincoln in 1860 is now out strong for McClellan and will take the stump for him.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The George Fleming company had begun its dried fruit packing in a branch plant on 16th Street, Rock Island, employing nearly a hundred workers.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The cornerstone of the new Eagles home was laid. Building committee members were John Kobeman, Fred Ehmke and Frank Wich.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Former Kaiser Wilhelm, in exile, is sad as the Nazis march with communists.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Ninety-two members of the acappella choir at Davenport's West High School today accepted an invitation to perform at the New York World's Fair on June 13, 1965.
1989 -- 25 years ago: A Rock Island woman is one of 50 winners of $10,000 in cash in the Illinois State Lottery's "Celebration "89" instant ticket game. Dawn Loeffler was the third winner to be chosen through daily drawings that began Aug. 28 and will run 50 consecutive days.

(More History)