Chuckles for February 2007

February 01
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
--Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

February 02
If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.
--Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884 - 1980)

February 05
You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty.
--Cecil Baxter

February 06
A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.
--Carl Reiner

February 08
Health food makes me sick.
--Calvin Trillin (1935 - )

February 08
Health food makes me sick.
--Calvin Trillin (1935 - )

February 09
'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
--Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)

February 12
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
--Mae West (1892 - 1980)

February 13
What do snowmen eat for lunch? Icebergers!
--theholidayspot.com

February 14
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
--Mark Twain

February 15
I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
--Eddie Izzard

February 19
It is bad luck to be superstitious.
--Andrew W. Mathis

February 20
I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues.
--Duke Ellington (1899 - 1974)

February 21
Never eat more than you can lift.
--Miss Piggy

February 22
Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.
--Dan Rather (1931 - )

February 23
USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.
--David Letterman (1947 - )

February 26
I am in the prime of senility.
--Benjamin Franklin

February 27
It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'
--Sam Levenson

February 28
The only good ideas are the ones I can take credit for.
--R. Stevens

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