Chuckles for January 2007



January 02
Why can't a bicycle stand up?
Because it is two tired!(too tired)
--jokesbykids.com

January 02
Why can't a bicycle stand up?
Because it is two tired! (too tired)
--jokesbykids.com

January 05
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Fred Allen (1894 - 1956)

January 08
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
--Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

January 09
Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
--Franklin P. Jones

January 10
I don't even butter my bread. I consider that cooking.
--Katherine Cebrian

January 11
To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.
--Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

January 12
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
--Johnny Carson (1925 - 2005)

January 15
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.
--Doug Larson

January 16
People want economy and they will pay any price to get it.
--Lee Iacocca (1924 - )

January 17
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
--Rita Rudner

January 18
Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.
--Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)

January 19
I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.
--Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)

January 22
Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation.
--Kin Hubbard (1868 - 1930)

January 23
The worst thing about Europe is that you can't go out in the middle of the night and get a Slurpee.
--Tellis Frank

January 24
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
--Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

January 25
Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250
--Harper's Index, October 1989

January 26
The first step in blogging is not writing them but reading them.
--Jeff Jarvis, BuzzMachine

January 29
Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vaccuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1.5 tons.
--unknown, Popular Mechanics, March 1949

January 30
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'
--Ronnie Shakes

January 31
The truth is more important than the facts.
--Frank Lloyd Wright (1869 - 1959)

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Oct. 20, the 293rd day of 2014. There are 72 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The store of Devoe and Crampton was entered and robbed of about $500 worth of gold pens and pocket cutlery last night.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Michael Malloy was named president of the Tri-City Stone Cutters Union.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Dewitte C. Poole, former Moline newspaperman serving as vice consul general for the United States government in Paris, declared in a letter to friends that the once gay Paris is a city of sadness and desolation.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Plans for the construction of an $80,000 wholesale bakery at 2011 4th Ave. were announced by Harry and Nick Coin, of Rock Island. It is to be known as the Banquet Bakery.
1964 -- 50 years ago: An application has been filed for a state permit to organize a savings and loan association in Moline, it was announced. The applicants are Ben Butterworth, A.B. Lundahl, C. Richard Evans, John Harris, George Crampton and William Getz, all of Moline, Charles Roberts, Rock Island, and Charles Johnson, of Hampton.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Indian summer is quickly disappearing as temperatures slide into the 40s and 50s this week. Last week, highs were in the 80s.


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