Chuckles for January 2007



January 02
Why can't a bicycle stand up?
Because it is two tired!(too tired)
--jokesbykids.com

January 02
Why can't a bicycle stand up?
Because it is two tired! (too tired)
--jokesbykids.com

January 05
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Fred Allen (1894 - 1956)

January 08
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
--Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

January 09
Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
--Franklin P. Jones

January 10
I don't even butter my bread. I consider that cooking.
--Katherine Cebrian

January 11
To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.
--Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

January 12
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
--Johnny Carson (1925 - 2005)

January 15
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.
--Doug Larson

January 16
People want economy and they will pay any price to get it.
--Lee Iacocca (1924 - )

January 17
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
--Rita Rudner

January 18
Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.
--Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)

January 19
I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.
--Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)

January 22
Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation.
--Kin Hubbard (1868 - 1930)

January 23
The worst thing about Europe is that you can't go out in the middle of the night and get a Slurpee.
--Tellis Frank

January 24
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
--Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

January 25
Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250
--Harper's Index, October 1989

January 26
The first step in blogging is not writing them but reading them.
--Jeff Jarvis, BuzzMachine

January 29
Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vaccuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1.5 tons.
--unknown, Popular Mechanics, March 1949

January 30
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'
--Ronnie Shakes

January 31
The truth is more important than the facts.
--Frank Lloyd Wright (1869 - 1959)

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  Today is Saturday, Aug. 23, the 235th day of 2014. There are 130 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Telegraph reports state that, about 6 o'clock on the evening of the 20th, Quantrill, with about 800 of his thieves and robbers, surrounded Lawrence, Kan., and burned it to the ground.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Newton Beer's production of "Lost in London," which had a successful run for three seasons, was presented at Harper's Theater.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The German army commanded by Fran Duke Albrecht of Wurtemburg defeated the French army at Neufchmtenu.
1939 -- 75 years ago: John Deere Harvester Works in East Moline is starting a four-story, $104,000 addition to the combine assembly building.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Short Hills Country Club held onto its lead yesterday despite a rally by host Davenport Country Club and claimed the team title in the Sunshine Cup golf series.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Quad-Citians can look forward to more excitement and fun at this year's Rock Island Labor Day parade at 9:30 a.m. Sept 4, say organizers. This years theme is "Celebrate Rock Island."






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