Chuckles for October 2006



October 02
An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it.
--Laurence J. Peter

October 03
Results! Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousand things that won't work.
--Thomas A. Edison

October 09
What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts...

October 10
What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich...

October 13
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
--Wendell Johnson

October 16
The future ain't what it used to be.
--Yogi Berra (1925 - )

October 17
Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath...
--theholidayspot.com

October 18
Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're so wrapped up in themselves.
--theholidayspot.com

October 19
What is a vampire's favorite sport?
Casketball...
--theholidayspot.com

October 23
What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets...
--theholidayspot.com

October 24
How do monsters tell their future?
They read their horrorscope...

October 25
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
--halloween.com

October 26
What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley?
I'm bone to be wild.
corsinet.com

October 27
What is a ghost's favorite oatmeal?
SCREAM of Wheat.
corsinet.com

October 30
What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
"Don't spook until you're spooken to."
--corsinet.com

October 31
What did the skeleton say to the bartender?
I'd like a beer and a mop!
--corsinet.com

Back: Past Chuckles






Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Sept. 1, the 244th day of 2014. There are 121 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We are informed by J.H. Hull that the reason the street sprinkler was not at work yesterday settling the dust on the streets, was because one of his horses was injured.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Bonnie McGregor, a fleet-footed stallion owned by S.W. Wheelock of this community, covered himself with glory at Lexington, Ky, when he ran a mile in 2:13 1/2. The horse's value was estimated as at least $50,000.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Troops are pouring into Paris to prepare for defense of the city. The German army is reported to be only 60 miles from the capital of France.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The German army has invaded Poland in undeclared warfare. Poland has appealed to Great Britain and France for aid.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Publication of a plant newspaper, the Farmall Works News, has been launched at the Rock Island IHC factory and replaces a managerial newsletter.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Officials predict Monday's Rock Island Labor Parade will be the biggest and best ever. Last minute work continues on floats and costumes for the parade, which steps off a 9:30 a.m.




(More History)