Chuckles for September 2006



September 01
Not being able to sleep is terrible. You have the misery of having partied all night... without the satisfaction.
--Lynn Johnston,

September 05
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
--Publilius Syrus (~100 BC), Maxims

September 05
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
--Phyllis Diller

September 06
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
--Woody Allen (1935 - )

September 07
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
--J. Paul Getty (1892 - 1976)

September 11
The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.
--Joe Ancis

September 12
An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.
--Simon Cameron (1799 - 1889)

September 13
What is a cow's favorite subject in school?
Moooooosic!

September 15
What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to.
--Hansell B. Duckett

September 18
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
--Lily Tomlin (1939 - )

September 19
Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical.
--Yogi Berra (1925 - )

September 20
Employer: “In this job we need someone who is responsible.”
Applicant: “I’m the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

September 21
The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
-- Hubert H. Humphrey (1911 - 1978)

September 25
In politics, absurdity is not a handicap.
--Napoleon Bonaparte (1769 - 1821)

September 26
The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid.
--Art Spander

September 27
If the human mind was simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it.
--Emerson Pugh

September 28
I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.
--George Burns (1896 - 1996)

September 29
Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them.
--Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)

Back: Past Chuckles






Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Sept. 1, the 244th day of 2014. There are 121 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We are informed by J.H. Hull that the reason the street sprinkler was not at work yesterday settling the dust on the streets, was because one of his horses was injured.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Bonnie McGregor, a fleet-footed stallion owned by S.W. Wheelock of this community, covered himself with glory at Lexington, Ky, when he ran a mile in 2:13 1/2. The horse's value was estimated as at least $50,000.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Troops are pouring into Paris to prepare for defense of the city. The German army is reported to be only 60 miles from the capital of France.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The German army has invaded Poland in undeclared warfare. Poland has appealed to Great Britain and France for aid.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Publication of a plant newspaper, the Farmall Works News, has been launched at the Rock Island IHC factory and replaces a managerial newsletter.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Officials predict Monday's Rock Island Labor Parade will be the biggest and best ever. Last minute work continues on floats and costumes for the parade, which steps off a 9:30 a.m.




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