Chuckles for September 2006



September 01
Not being able to sleep is terrible. You have the misery of having partied all night... without the satisfaction.
--Lynn Johnston,

September 05
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
--Publilius Syrus (~100 BC), Maxims

September 05
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
--Phyllis Diller

September 06
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
--Woody Allen (1935 - )

September 07
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
--J. Paul Getty (1892 - 1976)

September 11
The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.
--Joe Ancis

September 12
An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.
--Simon Cameron (1799 - 1889)

September 13
What is a cow's favorite subject in school?
Moooooosic!

September 15
What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to.
--Hansell B. Duckett

September 18
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
--Lily Tomlin (1939 - )

September 19
Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical.
--Yogi Berra (1925 - )

September 20
Employer: “In this job we need someone who is responsible.”
Applicant: “I’m the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

September 21
The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
-- Hubert H. Humphrey (1911 - 1978)

September 25
In politics, absurdity is not a handicap.
--Napoleon Bonaparte (1769 - 1821)

September 26
The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid.
--Art Spander

September 27
If the human mind was simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it.
--Emerson Pugh

September 28
I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.
--George Burns (1896 - 1996)

September 29
Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them.
--Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Friday, Aug. 1, the 213th day of 2014. There are 152 days left in the year.

1864 — 150 years ago: A mad dog was shot in Davenport after biting several other canines and snapping at several children. The police should abate this nuisance — there are about 500 dogs in this city that ought to be killed at once.
1889 — 125 years ago: Track laying operations on 2nd Avenue, stopped by the Moline-Rock Island company last spring for lack of rail, have been resumed.
1914 — 100 years ago: Bulletins allowed to come through the strong continental censorship of all war news indicated that Germany was advancing with a dash against both Russia and France.
1939 — 75 years ago: Emil J Klein, of Rock Island, was elected commander of Rock Island Post 200, American Legion.
1964 — 50 years ago: Members of the Davenport police department and their families are being invited to the department's family picnic to be held Aug. 27 at the Mississippi Valley Fairgrounds.
1989 — 25 years ago: Beginning this fall, Black Hawk College will offer a continuing education course in horseback riding at the Wright Way Equestrian Center, Moline, located just east of the Deere Administration Center.




(More History)