Chuckles for September 2006

September 01
Not being able to sleep is terrible. You have the misery of having partied all night... without the satisfaction.
--Lynn Johnston,

September 05
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
--Publilius Syrus (~100 BC), Maxims

September 05
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
--Phyllis Diller

September 06
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
--Woody Allen (1935 - )

September 07
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
--J. Paul Getty (1892 - 1976)

September 11
The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.
--Joe Ancis

September 12
An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.
--Simon Cameron (1799 - 1889)

September 13
What is a cow's favorite subject in school?
Moooooosic!

September 15
What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to.
--Hansell B. Duckett

September 18
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
--Lily Tomlin (1939 - )

September 19
Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical.
--Yogi Berra (1925 - )

September 20
Employer: “In this job we need someone who is responsible.”
Applicant: “I’m the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

September 21
The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
-- Hubert H. Humphrey (1911 - 1978)

September 25
In politics, absurdity is not a handicap.
--Napoleon Bonaparte (1769 - 1821)

September 26
The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid.
--Art Spander

September 27
If the human mind was simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it.
--Emerson Pugh

September 28
I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.
--George Burns (1896 - 1996)

September 29
Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them.
--Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)

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