Chuckles for August 2006
Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half.
--Gore Vidal (1925 - )
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.
My toughest fight was with my first wife.
--Muhammad Ali (1942 - )
The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky
I am not young enough to know everything.
--Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
It's never just a game when you're winning.
There is no such thing as "fun for the whole family."
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
--Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977)
I'm as pure as the driven slush.
--Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968)
Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when they are wearing dark glasses and have streamers in their antlers because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.
The trouble with weather forecasting is that it's right too often for us to ignore it and wrong too often for us to rely on it.
The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.
--Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty.
--Leo Rosten (1908 - )
Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest.
--Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992)
Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
--W. C. Fields (1880 - 1946)
The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any.
Health food makes me sick.
--Calvin Trillin (1935 - )
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
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