Chuckles for July 2006
A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
A boy went to his grandfather's house for a week. On the first night at dinner he found a thick, slimy goo on his plate, so he said to his grandfather "Grandpa is this plate clean?" "As clean as cold water can get them." his grandfather answered. This went on for the rest of the week. On the last day when the boy was leaving the dog wouldn't let him through. So he said "Grandpa your dog won't let me through." His grandfather replied "Cold Water go lie down"
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
--Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
People want economy and they will pay any price to get it.
--Lee Iacocca (1924 - )
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
--Dave Barry (1947 - )
If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
--Mel Brooks (1926 - )
I have only one superstition. I touch all the bases when I hit a home run.
--Babe Ruth (1895 - 1948)
Crime does not pay .....as well as politics.
--Alfred E. Newman
The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity.
--Harlan Ellison (1934 - )
When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.
--Marquis de la Grange (1639 - 1692)
I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change.
--Dan Quayle (1947 - )
Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein.
--Joe Theismann, Former quarterback
I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
What is a runner's favourite subject in school? Jog-raphy!
Democracy means government by discussion, but it is only effective if you can stop people talking.
I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
--Buzz Aldrin (1930 - )
Wisdom doesn't automatically come with old age. Nothing does - except wrinkles. It's true, some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place.
-- Abigail Van Buren (1918 - ), 1978
The secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
--Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884 - 1980)
Hell, there are no rules here-- we're trying to accomplish something.
--Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931)
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