Chuckles for June 2006



June 01
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Champ.
Champ who?
Champ-who your hair, it's dirty!!
--azkidsnet.com

June 02
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
General Lee.
General Lee who?
Generally I do not tell jokes!
--azkidsnet.com

June 05
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
--lotsofjokes.com

June 06
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
--Mark Twain

June 07
What is a pickle's all time favorite musical?
Hello Dilly!
justriddlesandmore.com

June 09
Q. What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
A. Hi Cliff!
lotsofjokes.com

June 12
Q. What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
A. It's time to go to sweep.
lotsofjokes.com

June 13
Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

--quotationspage.com

June 14
Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't.
-- Pete Seeger

June 15
I'm still an atheist, thank God.
--Luis Bunuel (1900 - 1983)

June 16
The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.
--Robert Frost

June 19
If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
--Bill Lyon

June 20
If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
--Dean Martin

June 21
I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.
--Totie Fields

June 22
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'
--Jay Leno

June 23
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
--George Burns

June 26
Drugs have taught an entire generation of Americans the metric system.
--P. J. O'Rourke

June 27
Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.
--George Ade (1866 - 1944)

June 28
To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep.
--Joan Klempner

June 29
A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.
--Granville Hicks

June 30
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
--Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)

Back: Past Chuckles






Local events heading








  Today is Saturday, Aug. 30, the 242nd day of 2014. There are 123 days left in the year.

1864 — 150 years ago: A large pair of elk, captured in Iowa, were exhibited in Market Square today.
1889 — 125 years ago: The Rock Island Arsenal dam was being constructed under the supervision of Charles Frances, of Lowell, Mass.
1914 — 100 years ago: Mrs. Frank Mixer, of Rock Island, was the winner of the final preliminary for the women's handicap golf cup at Rock Island arsenal links.
1939 — 75 years ago: Sixteen hundred persons — many from war-fearful Europe — arrived in New York aboard the German liner Bremen. For two days on the trip, passengers were cut off from the world with both incoming and outgoing radio messages banned.
1964 — 50 years ago: Police reported five youths have been involved in the theft of about seven cars in recent weeks. Three of the youths were arrested Saturday afternoon, one was in custody as the result of a previous arrest, and the fifth is expected to be arrested today.
1989 — 25 years ago: The Rock Island/Milan School Board is asking the city to tear down Franklin School and allow the school district to pay back the estimated $100,00 cost during 10 years.






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