Chuckles for June 2006



June 01
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Champ.
Champ who?
Champ-who your hair, it's dirty!!
--azkidsnet.com

June 02
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
General Lee.
General Lee who?
Generally I do not tell jokes!
--azkidsnet.com

June 05
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
--lotsofjokes.com

June 06
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
--Mark Twain

June 07
What is a pickle's all time favorite musical?
Hello Dilly!
justriddlesandmore.com

June 09
Q. What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
A. Hi Cliff!
lotsofjokes.com

June 12
Q. What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
A. It's time to go to sweep.
lotsofjokes.com

June 13
Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

--quotationspage.com

June 14
Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't.
-- Pete Seeger

June 15
I'm still an atheist, thank God.
--Luis Bunuel (1900 - 1983)

June 16
The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.
--Robert Frost

June 19
If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
--Bill Lyon

June 20
If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
--Dean Martin

June 21
I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.
--Totie Fields

June 22
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'
--Jay Leno

June 23
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
--George Burns

June 26
Drugs have taught an entire generation of Americans the metric system.
--P. J. O'Rourke

June 27
Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.
--George Ade (1866 - 1944)

June 28
To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep.
--Joan Klempner

June 29
A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.
--Granville Hicks

June 30
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
--Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Wednesday, July 30, the 211th day of 2014. There are 154 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: After Sept. 1, every small box of matches will be required to have a 3 cent duty Lincoln stamp on it, and every large box will be one cent for every 100 matches.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Rock Island residents had contributed a total of $1,293 to the American Red Cross for the Johnstown flood relief fund.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Capt. Clark Means, new darkhorse twirler for the ARGUS staff, was in great form in his initial contest as a mound laborer. The result was that THE ARGUS trimmed the Union 6-5.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Hunter and Humprey Moody, young Decatur, Ill, brothers, lack only a few hours of establishing a new world light plane endurance record.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Gates of the 110th annual Mercer County Fair swing open tonight at Aledo for a full week of day and night activity. More that $36,000 will be paid in premiums and race purses.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The baseball field carved out of the cornfield near Dyersville, Iowa, continues to keep dreams alive for hundreds of visitors. Tourists from 26 state and France have visited Dan Lansing's farm to see the baseball diamond seen in the hit movie "Field of Dreams."






(More History)