Chuckles for June 2006



June 01
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Champ.
Champ who?
Champ-who your hair, it's dirty!!
--azkidsnet.com

June 02
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
General Lee.
General Lee who?
Generally I do not tell jokes!
--azkidsnet.com

June 05
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
--lotsofjokes.com

June 06
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
--Mark Twain

June 07
What is a pickle's all time favorite musical?
Hello Dilly!
justriddlesandmore.com

June 09
Q. What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
A. Hi Cliff!
lotsofjokes.com

June 12
Q. What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
A. It's time to go to sweep.
lotsofjokes.com

June 13
Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

--quotationspage.com

June 14
Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't.
-- Pete Seeger

June 15
I'm still an atheist, thank God.
--Luis Bunuel (1900 - 1983)

June 16
The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.
--Robert Frost

June 19
If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
--Bill Lyon

June 20
If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
--Dean Martin

June 21
I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.
--Totie Fields

June 22
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'
--Jay Leno

June 23
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
--George Burns

June 26
Drugs have taught an entire generation of Americans the metric system.
--P. J. O'Rourke

June 27
Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.
--George Ade (1866 - 1944)

June 28
To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep.
--Joan Klempner

June 29
A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.
--Granville Hicks

June 30
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
--Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)

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  Today is Saturday, April 19, the 109th day of 2014. There are 256 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Miss McCorkindale has opened millinery rooms over Gimbel's dry goods store, where she offers a choice lot of millinery goods, which she will manufacture to order.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The little South Park Presbyterian chapel celebrated it first Easter decorated with flowers for an afternoon worship service attended by a large congregation.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The Wennerberg Chorus of Augustana College has returned from a 2,000-mile tour in the Eastern states and Illinois.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Col. Charles Lindbergh has stated that he is convinced that Germany's air force is equal to the combined sky fleets of her potential European foes.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Small gas motors may be permitted on boats in the lake to be built in Loud Thunder Forest Preserve. The prospect was discussed yesterday at a meeting of the Rock Island County Forest Preserve Commission.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The annual Dispatch/Rock Island Argus Spelling Bee continues to be a family tradition. Ed Lee, an eighth-grader at John Deere Junior High School, Moline, is the 1989 spelling bee champion from among 49 top spellers in Rock Island, Henry and Mercer counties. He advances to the competition in Washington, D.C. Runnerup was Ed's sister, Susan.






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