Chuckles for June 2006



June 01
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Champ.
Champ who?
Champ-who your hair, it's dirty!!
--azkidsnet.com

June 02
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
General Lee.
General Lee who?
Generally I do not tell jokes!
--azkidsnet.com

June 05
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
--lotsofjokes.com

June 06
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
--Mark Twain

June 07
What is a pickle's all time favorite musical?
Hello Dilly!
justriddlesandmore.com

June 09
Q. What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
A. Hi Cliff!
lotsofjokes.com

June 12
Q. What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
A. It's time to go to sweep.
lotsofjokes.com

June 13
Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

--quotationspage.com

June 14
Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't.
-- Pete Seeger

June 15
I'm still an atheist, thank God.
--Luis Bunuel (1900 - 1983)

June 16
The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.
--Robert Frost

June 19
If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
--Bill Lyon

June 20
If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
--Dean Martin

June 21
I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.
--Totie Fields

June 22
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'
--Jay Leno

June 23
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
--George Burns

June 26
Drugs have taught an entire generation of Americans the metric system.
--P. J. O'Rourke

June 27
Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.
--George Ade (1866 - 1944)

June 28
To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep.
--Joan Klempner

June 29
A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.
--Granville Hicks

June 30
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
--Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)

Back: Past Chuckles






Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Sept. 1, the 244th day of 2014. There are 121 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We are informed by J.H. Hull that the reason the street sprinkler was not at work yesterday settling the dust on the streets, was because one of his horses was injured.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Bonnie McGregor, a fleet-footed stallion owned by S.W. Wheelock of this community, covered himself with glory at Lexington, Ky, when he ran a mile in 2:13 1/2. The horse's value was estimated as at least $50,000.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Troops are pouring into Paris to prepare for defense of the city. The German army is reported to be only 60 miles from the capital of France.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The German army has invaded Poland in undeclared warfare. Poland has appealed to Great Britain and France for aid.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Publication of a plant newspaper, the Farmall Works News, has been launched at the Rock Island IHC factory and replaces a managerial newsletter.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Officials predict Monday's Rock Island Labor Parade will be the biggest and best ever. Last minute work continues on floats and costumes for the parade, which steps off a 9:30 a.m.




(More History)