Chuckles for May 2006

May 01
Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?

May 02
Police Quotes
"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

May 04
Signs Of Maturity
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

May 05
I clean house every other day. Today is the other day.

May 08
Parent Definitions
NDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

May 09
Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

May 10
Signs you sre no longer a kid...
Your ears are hairier than your head.

May 11
Biggest Lies
The check is in the mail.
Drinking? Why, no, Officer.

May 12
Police Quotes
"Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

May 15
Product Wording:
MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.

May 17
Say this tongue twister quickly three times:
Unique New York

May 18
Husband: "Honey, why do you usually answer me back with a question when I ask you?"
Wife: "Is that what I do?"

May 19
I may be Schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.

May 22
The Anderson family just moved into their new home when a neighbor asked 5-year-old Tommy Anderson how he liked it. Its great, Tommy said. I have my very own room and my brother Alex has his own room, and Jamie has her own room too! But poor mom, she is still with dad

May 23
Its amazing how eagles catch their prey, they must be really talonted.

May 24
It doesn't matter whether you win or lose, until you lose.

May 25
Q. What breaks when you say it?
A. Silence!

May 26
Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

May 30
Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?
Mt. Everest was still the highest mountain even before it was discovered.

May 31
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Dishes who?
Dishes the police, open up!!

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Saturday, Aug. 30, the 242nd day of 2014. There are 123 days left in the year.

1864 — 150 years ago: A large pair of elk, captured in Iowa, were exhibited in Market Square today.
1889 — 125 years ago: The Rock Island Arsenal dam was being constructed under the supervision of Charles Frances, of Lowell, Mass.
1914 — 100 years ago: Mrs. Frank Mixer, of Rock Island, was the winner of the final preliminary for the women's handicap golf cup at Rock Island arsenal links.
1939 — 75 years ago: Sixteen hundred persons — many from war-fearful Europe — arrived in New York aboard the German liner Bremen. For two days on the trip, passengers were cut off from the world with both incoming and outgoing radio messages banned.
1964 — 50 years ago: Police reported five youths have been involved in the theft of about seven cars in recent weeks. Three of the youths were arrested Saturday afternoon, one was in custody as the result of a previous arrest, and the fifth is expected to be arrested today.
1989 — 25 years ago: The Rock Island/Milan School Board is asking the city to tear down Franklin School and allow the school district to pay back the estimated $100,00 cost during 10 years.

(More History)