Chuckles for May 2006

May 01
Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?

May 02
Police Quotes
"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

May 04
Signs Of Maturity
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

May 05
I clean house every other day. Today is the other day.

May 08
Parent Definitions
NDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

May 09
Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

May 10
Signs you sre no longer a kid...
Your ears are hairier than your head.

May 11
Biggest Lies
The check is in the mail.
Drinking? Why, no, Officer.

May 12
Police Quotes
"Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

May 15
Product Wording:
MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.

May 17
Say this tongue twister quickly three times:
Unique New York

May 18
Husband: "Honey, why do you usually answer me back with a question when I ask you?"
Wife: "Is that what I do?"

May 19
I may be Schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.

May 22
The Anderson family just moved into their new home when a neighbor asked 5-year-old Tommy Anderson how he liked it. Its great, Tommy said. I have my very own room and my brother Alex has his own room, and Jamie has her own room too! But poor mom, she is still with dad

May 23
Its amazing how eagles catch their prey, they must be really talonted.

May 24
It doesn't matter whether you win or lose, until you lose.

May 25
Q. What breaks when you say it?
A. Silence!

May 26
Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

May 30
Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?
Mt. Everest was still the highest mountain even before it was discovered.

May 31
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Dishes who?
Dishes the police, open up!!

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Thursday, April 24, the 114th day of 2014. There are 251 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We learn that it is a contemplation to start a paper mill in Rock Island during the summer by a gentleman from the East.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The gates of Oklahoma were swung open at noon today, and a throng of more than 30,000 settlers started over its soil.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The Iowa Coliseum Co. was incorporated with $40,000 capital and planned a building on 4th Street between Warren and Green streets in Davenport.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Plans are being discussed for resurfacing the streets in the entire downtown district of Rock Island.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Some 45 jobs will be created at J.I. Case Co.'s Rock Island plant in a expansion of operations announced yesterday afternoon at the firm's headquarters in Racine, Wis.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Gardeners and farmers cheered, but not all Quad-Citians found joy Saturday as more than an inch of rain fell on the area. Motorists faced dangerous, rain-slick roads as the water activated grease and grime that had built up during dry weather.

(More History)