Chuckles for April 2006

April 03
Signs that you are no longer a kid (or even close)...
You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

April 04
Q. What gets bigger and bigger as you take more away from it?
A hole!

April 05
Fast Food Fun

When they ask if that will be all tell them to hold on, your dog won't make up his mind.

April 05
Fast Food Fun
When they ask if that will be all tell them to hold on, your dog won't make up his mind.

April 05
Fast Food Fun (Drive-up)
When they ask if that will be all tell them to hold on, your dog won't make up his mind.

April 06
Bored Beyond Belief
Fill out your tax form using Roman Numerals.

April 07
Lessons In Logic
Practice makes perfect. But nobody's perfect so why practice?

April 10
Bad Day When...
Your income tax check bounces.

April 12
Things I learned from the movies
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.

April 13
Things I learned from the movies
One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them than 20 men firing at 1 man.

April 14
Things I learned from the movies...
An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.

April 17
Things I learned from the movies...
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

April 17
Things I learned from the movies...
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

April 17
Q. Why was the broom late?
A. It over swept!

April 18
Take a sock puppet to dinner with you. When the waiter comes to ask you what you want, consult the sock. When the check comes argue with the sock loud enough so everyone can hear you about who will pay the bill, throw him down and say "Fine you pay!" then leave.

April 18
Good Comebacks...
Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

April 19
Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?

April 20
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."

April 21
Why is it that when someone tells you that there's billions of stars in the universe, you believe them. But if they tell you there's wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?

April 24
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

April 25
Ain't Young When...
People call at 9 pm. And ask, "Did I wake you?"

April 26
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Saturday, April 19, the 109th day of 2014. There are 256 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Miss McCorkindale has opened millinery rooms over Gimbel's dry goods store, where she offers a choice lot of millinery goods, which she will manufacture to order.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The little South Park Presbyterian chapel celebrated it first Easter decorated with flowers for an afternoon worship service attended by a large congregation.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The Wennerberg Chorus of Augustana College has returned from a 2,000-mile tour in the Eastern states and Illinois.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Col. Charles Lindbergh has stated that he is convinced that Germany's air force is equal to the combined sky fleets of her potential European foes.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Small gas motors may be permitted on boats in the lake to be built in Loud Thunder Forest Preserve. The prospect was discussed yesterday at a meeting of the Rock Island County Forest Preserve Commission.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The annual Dispatch/Rock Island Argus Spelling Bee continues to be a family tradition. Ed Lee, an eighth-grader at John Deere Junior High School, Moline, is the 1989 spelling bee champion from among 49 top spellers in Rock Island, Henry and Mercer counties. He advances to the competition in Washington, D.C. Runnerup was Ed's sister, Susan.

(More History)