Chuckles for April 2006



April 03
Signs that you are no longer a kid (or even close)...
You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
--jokesgalore.com

April 04
Q. What gets bigger and bigger as you take more away from it?
A hole!
--jokesgalore.com

April 05
Fast Food Fun

When they ask if that will be all tell them to hold on, your dog won't make up his mind.
--jokesgalore.com

April 05
Fast Food Fun
When they ask if that will be all tell them to hold on, your dog won't make up his mind.
--jokesgalore.com

April 05
Fast Food Fun (Drive-up)
When they ask if that will be all tell them to hold on, your dog won't make up his mind.
--jokesgalore.com

April 06
Bored Beyond Belief
Fill out your tax form using Roman Numerals.
--jokesgalore.com

April 07
Lessons In Logic
Practice makes perfect. But nobody's perfect so why practice?
--jokesgalore.com

April 10
Bad Day When...
Your income tax check bounces.
--jokesgalore.com

April 12
Things I learned from the movies
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
--jokesgalore.com

April 13
Things I learned from the movies
One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them than 20 men firing at 1 man.
--aaaugh.com

April 14
Things I learned from the movies...
An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.
--aaaugh.com

April 17
Things I learned from the movies...
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
--aaaugh.com

April 17
Things I learned from the movies...
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
--aaaugh.com

April 17
Q. Why was the broom late?
A. It over swept!
--lotsofjokes.com

April 18
Take a sock puppet to dinner with you. When the waiter comes to ask you what you want, consult the sock. When the check comes argue with the sock loud enough so everyone can hear you about who will pay the bill, throw him down and say "Fine you pay!" then leave.
--lotsofjokes.com

April 18
Good Comebacks...
Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
--lotsofjokes.com

April 19
Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?
--lotsofjokes.com

April 20
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."
--lotsofjokes.com

April 21
Why is it that when someone tells you that there's billions of stars in the universe, you believe them. But if they tell you there's wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?
--lotsofjokes.com

April 24
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
--lotsofjokes.com

April 25
Ain't Young When...
People call at 9 pm. And ask, "Did I wake you?"
--lotsofjokes.com

April 26
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
--lotsofjokes.com

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Monday, July 28, the 209th day of 2014. There are 156 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Port Byron passengers and mails will be transported by the Sterling and Rock Island railroad.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The congregation of the First Methodist church worshiped in Harper's theater, where construction work is being done at the church site.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Three-eye baseball for Moline was assured the Danville Franchise will be transferred to the Plow city.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Roseville Methodist Church is observing its 100th anniversary.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The last remaining unfinished portion of Interstate 80 between the Quad-Cities and Joliet will be opened to traffic by Aug 12.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Of all the highlights of the last 12 years, this is the greatest of all, said Dennis Hitchcock, producer director of Circa '21 Dinner Playhouse, as he torched the mortgage, clearing a $220,000 loan financing the downtown Rock Island theater's beginnings in 1977.




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