Chuckles for February 2006



February 01
Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
-- jokesandhumor.com

February 02
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
-- jokesandhumor.com

February 03
In Mexico we have a word for sushi:
Bait.
(quotationspage.com)

February 06
Now And Then...
THEN: Getting out to a new, hip joint.
NOW: Getting a new hip joint. (quotationspage.com)

February 06
Now And Then...
THEN: Getting out to a new, hip joint.
NOW: Getting a new hip joint. (quotationspage.com)

February 06
Now And Then...
Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint.
Now: Getting a new hip joint. (lotsofjokes.com)

February 07
Now And Then...
Then: Moving to California because it's cool.
Now: Moving to California because it's warm.
(lotsofjokes.com)

February 08
Now And Then...
Then: Acid Rock.
Now: Acid Reflux.
(lotsofjokes.com)

February 09
Now And Then...
Then: Parents begging you to get your hair cut.
Now: Children begging you to get their heads shaved.
(lotsofjokes.com)

February 10
Some reasons why the English language is hard to learn...
The bandage was wound around the wound.
He could lead if he would get the lead out
(lotsofjokes.com)

February 10
Some reasons why the English language is hard to learn...
-The bandage was wound around the wound.
-He could lead if he would get the lead out
(lotsofjokes.com)

February 13
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
Hogs and kisses!
(lotsofjokes.com)

February 14
Q. What did one light bulb say to the other? A."I love you a whole watt!"
(jokesvalentines.htm)

February 15
So ya know, I've been taking these kung-fu classes lately. I must say, they are great. Teach you how to be as powerful as a tiger, as quick as a monkey, as smart as a dragon. Why just the other day, these guys came up to me with a knife and demanded money. So, I turned into a chicken and ran!!!!!!
(kidssportsnet.com)

February 16
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
--lotsofjokes.com

February 17
...order a pizza the fun way...
Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
Rent a pizza.
--lotsofjokes.com

February 20
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
--humormatters.com

February 21
Fun While Driving
Two words: Chicken suit.
--humormatters.com

February 22
The Cynic's Guide to Life:
Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.
--lotsofjokes.com

February 23
Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
--lotsofjokes.com

February 24
You know you're a cat person when...
...you accidentally put your child's dinner plate on the floor.
--lotsofjokes.com

February 27
Good reasons to celebrate the end of the dot-com boom...
Your boss is older than you again.
The dotcom generation will have to retire at 60 after all—not 30
--lotsofjokes.com

February 28
Driving School Exam:
Q. What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A. The color.
--lotsofjokes.com

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Saturday, Aug. 23, the 235th day of 2014. There are 130 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Telegraph reports state that, about 6 o'clock on the evening of the 20th, Quantrill, with about 800 of his thieves and robbers, surrounded Lawrence, Kan., and burned it to the ground.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Newton Beer's production of "Lost in London," which had a successful run for three seasons, was presented at Harper's Theater.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The German army commanded by Fran Duke Albrecht of Wurtemburg defeated the French army at Neufchmtenu.
1939 -- 75 years ago: John Deere Harvester Works in East Moline is starting a four-story, $104,000 addition to the combine assembly building.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Short Hills Country Club held onto its lead yesterday despite a rally by host Davenport Country Club and claimed the team title in the Sunshine Cup golf series.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Quad-Citians can look forward to more excitement and fun at this year's Rock Island Labor Day parade at 9:30 a.m. Sept 4, say organizers. This years theme is "Celebrate Rock Island."






(More History)