Chuckles for February 2006



February 01
Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
-- jokesandhumor.com

February 02
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
-- jokesandhumor.com

February 03
In Mexico we have a word for sushi:
Bait.
(quotationspage.com)

February 06
Now And Then...
THEN: Getting out to a new, hip joint.
NOW: Getting a new hip joint. (quotationspage.com)

February 06
Now And Then...
THEN: Getting out to a new, hip joint.
NOW: Getting a new hip joint. (quotationspage.com)

February 06
Now And Then...
Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint.
Now: Getting a new hip joint. (lotsofjokes.com)

February 07
Now And Then...
Then: Moving to California because it's cool.
Now: Moving to California because it's warm.
(lotsofjokes.com)

February 08
Now And Then...
Then: Acid Rock.
Now: Acid Reflux.
(lotsofjokes.com)

February 09
Now And Then...
Then: Parents begging you to get your hair cut.
Now: Children begging you to get their heads shaved.
(lotsofjokes.com)

February 10
Some reasons why the English language is hard to learn...
The bandage was wound around the wound.
He could lead if he would get the lead out
(lotsofjokes.com)

February 10
Some reasons why the English language is hard to learn...
-The bandage was wound around the wound.
-He could lead if he would get the lead out
(lotsofjokes.com)

February 13
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
Hogs and kisses!
(lotsofjokes.com)

February 14
Q. What did one light bulb say to the other? A."I love you a whole watt!"
(jokesvalentines.htm)

February 15
So ya know, I've been taking these kung-fu classes lately. I must say, they are great. Teach you how to be as powerful as a tiger, as quick as a monkey, as smart as a dragon. Why just the other day, these guys came up to me with a knife and demanded money. So, I turned into a chicken and ran!!!!!!
(kidssportsnet.com)

February 16
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
--lotsofjokes.com

February 17
...order a pizza the fun way...
Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
Rent a pizza.
--lotsofjokes.com

February 20
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
--humormatters.com

February 21
Fun While Driving
Two words: Chicken suit.
--humormatters.com

February 22
The Cynic's Guide to Life:
Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.
--lotsofjokes.com

February 23
Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
--lotsofjokes.com

February 24
You know you're a cat person when...
...you accidentally put your child's dinner plate on the floor.
--lotsofjokes.com

February 27
Good reasons to celebrate the end of the dot-com boom...
Your boss is older than you again.
The dotcom generation will have to retire at 60 after all—not 30
--lotsofjokes.com

February 28
Driving School Exam:
Q. What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A. The color.
--lotsofjokes.com

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Tuesday, July 22, the 203rd day of 2014. There are 162 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Everybody is invited to go on a moonlight excursion next Monday evening on the steamer New Boston. The trip will be from Davenport to Muscatine and back.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The mayor and bridge committee let a contract to the Clinton Bridge company for a $1,125 iron bridge across Sears canal near Milan.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Injunction proceedings to compel the Central Association to keep a baseball team in Rock Island for the remainder of the season were contemplated by some of the Rock Island fans, but they decided to defer action.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The first of the new and more powerful diesel engines built for the Rock Island Lines for the proposed Chicago-Denver run, passed thru the Tri-Cities this morning.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The Rock Island Rescue Mission is negotiating for the purchase of the Prince Hall Masonic Home located at 37th Avenue and 5th Street, Rock Island.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Quad Cities Container Terminal is being lauded as a giant business boon that will save several days and hundreds of dollars on each goods shipment to the coasts. The Quad Cities Container Terminal is the final piece of the puzzle that opens up increase access to world markets, Robert Goldstein said.








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