Chuckles for January 2006



January 03
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 04
What did the painter say to the wall?
One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
--lotsofjokes.com

January 05
What would you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers
--lotsofjokes.com

January 06
Elevator Fun...
When at your floor, strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Play the harmonica.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 09
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 10
Office Humor:
Best Things to say if Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...
"Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out You probably got here just in time!"
--lotsofjokes.com

January 11
Office Humor:
Best Things to say if Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...
"Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
--lotsofjokes.com

January 12
You know you are addicted to coffee if ...
You help your dog chase its tail.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 13
Yes, being over 50 does have its advantages...
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 16
Yes, being over 50 does have its advantages...
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You have a party and the neighbours don't even realize it.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 17
Yes, being over 50 does have its advantages...
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 18
Telemarketer Fun
Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 18
Dog's have owners. Cat's have staff.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 19
I explained the facts of life to my teenagers tonight. My insulin keeps me alive; my Prozac keeps them alive.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 20
Signs Of Maturity:
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 23
Pizza Order Fun:
Change your accent every three seconds.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 24
Q. What's pink and fluffy?
A. Pink fluff
--joke-of-the-day.101funjokes.com

January 25
Doctor Notes
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
--joke-of-the-day.101funjokes.com

January 26
Police Quotes
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"
--joke-of-the-day.101funjokes.com

January 27
Animal Thoughts
Dog "They keep putting the lid down on the big water
bowl."
Cat "Why are these people in my house?"
--joke-of-the-day.101funjokes.com

January 27
Animal Thoughts
Dog "They keep putting the lid down on the big water
bowl."
Cat "Why are these people in my house?"
--joke-of-the-day.101funjokes.com

January 27
Animal Thoughts
Dog "They keep putting the lid down on the big water
bowl."
Cat "Why are these people in my house?"
-- lotsofjokes.com/

January 31
Home Remedies:
A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
-- lotsofjokes.com/

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Friday, April 18, the 108th day of 2014. There are 257 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: A new steamer, Keithsburg, now is at our levee taking on board the balance of her fixtures preparatory to assuming her position on the daily Rock Island and Keokuk line.
1889 -- 125 years ago: C.W. Hawes was appointed deputy county clerk by county clerk Donaldson.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Mrs. O.E. child, of Moline, was named president of the Women's Home Missionary Society of the Methodist Church Rock Island District of the Central Illinois conference.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Augustana College is making plans for a drive for funds to erect a field house and make football field improvements.
1964 -- 50 years ago: A expanded election coverage system featuring a 16-foot chalkboard showing up to the minute running totals, attracted a large and enthusiastic crowd to The Argus newsroom last night.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Balloons frame Rock Island attorney Stewart Winstein who was given a surprise party in the rotunda of the Rock Island County Courthouse on Thursday to honor his 50th year of practicing law.




(More History)