Chuckles for January 2006



January 03
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 04
What did the painter say to the wall?
One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
--lotsofjokes.com

January 05
What would you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers
--lotsofjokes.com

January 06
Elevator Fun...
When at your floor, strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Play the harmonica.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 09
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 10
Office Humor:
Best Things to say if Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...
"Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out You probably got here just in time!"
--lotsofjokes.com

January 11
Office Humor:
Best Things to say if Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...
"Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
--lotsofjokes.com

January 12
You know you are addicted to coffee if ...
You help your dog chase its tail.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 13
Yes, being over 50 does have its advantages...
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 16
Yes, being over 50 does have its advantages...
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You have a party and the neighbours don't even realize it.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 17
Yes, being over 50 does have its advantages...
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 18
Telemarketer Fun
Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 18
Dog's have owners. Cat's have staff.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 19
I explained the facts of life to my teenagers tonight. My insulin keeps me alive; my Prozac keeps them alive.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 20
Signs Of Maturity:
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 23
Pizza Order Fun:
Change your accent every three seconds.
--lotsofjokes.com

January 24
Q. What's pink and fluffy?
A. Pink fluff
--joke-of-the-day.101funjokes.com

January 25
Doctor Notes
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
--joke-of-the-day.101funjokes.com

January 26
Police Quotes
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"
--joke-of-the-day.101funjokes.com

January 27
Animal Thoughts
Dog "They keep putting the lid down on the big water
bowl."
Cat "Why are these people in my house?"
--joke-of-the-day.101funjokes.com

January 27
Animal Thoughts
Dog "They keep putting the lid down on the big water
bowl."
Cat "Why are these people in my house?"
--joke-of-the-day.101funjokes.com

January 27
Animal Thoughts
Dog "They keep putting the lid down on the big water
bowl."
Cat "Why are these people in my house?"
-- lotsofjokes.com/

January 31
Home Remedies:
A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
-- lotsofjokes.com/

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Friday, Aug. 1, the 213th day of 2014. There are 152 days left in the year.

1864 — 150 years ago: A mad dog was shot in Davenport after biting several other canines and snapping at several children. The police should abate this nuisance — there are about 500 dogs in this city that ought to be killed at once.
1889 — 125 years ago: Track laying operations on 2nd Avenue, stopped by the Moline-Rock Island company last spring for lack of rail, have been resumed.
1914 — 100 years ago: Bulletins allowed to come through the strong continental censorship of all war news indicated that Germany was advancing with a dash against both Russia and France.
1939 — 75 years ago: Emil J Klein, of Rock Island, was elected commander of Rock Island Post 200, American Legion.
1964 — 50 years ago: Members of the Davenport police department and their families are being invited to the department's family picnic to be held Aug. 27 at the Mississippi Valley Fairgrounds.
1989 — 25 years ago: Beginning this fall, Black Hawk College will offer a continuing education course in horseback riding at the Wright Way Equestrian Center, Moline, located just east of the Deere Administration Center.




(More History)