Chuckles for December 2005



December 01
Q: What has fins, a tail, and is mailed to you at Christmas?
A: A Christmas Cod!
--kidsdomain.com

December 02
Q. Why did the little boy put lipstick on his head?
A. He wanted to make up his mind!
--kidsdomain.com

December 05
Q. Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
A. Because they dropped out of school!
--kidsdomain.com

December 06
Q. What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
A. A little horse
--kidsdomain.com

December 07
Q. Why don't they serve chocolate in prison?
A. Because it makes you break out!
--kidsdomain.com

December 08
Q. What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
A. Hi Cliff!
--lotsofjokes.com

December 09
Q. What do you get when you put a fish and an elephant together?
A. Swimming trunks.
--lotsofjokes.com

December 12
Q. What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A. Stick with me and we will go places!
--lotsofjokes.com

December 13
Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In snow banks.
--lotsofjokes.com

December 14
Q. Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?
A. They wear snow caps.
--lotsofjokes.com

December 15
Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In snow banks.
--lotsofjokes.com

December 16
Final Exam Fun
As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
--lotsofjokes.com

December 16
Final Exam Fun
As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
--lotsofjokes.com

December 19
When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
--lotsofjokes.com

December 20
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
--lotsofjokes.com

December 21
Q. How's your job at the balloon factory?
A. We can't keep up with inflation.
--lotsofjokes.com

December 22
Boring Party Fun:
Speak in a strange foreign accent. when someone asks where you are from, name a country only you can pronounce.
Use a different accent every time you talk to someone new.
--lotsofjokes.com

December 27
You know you're really broke when...
American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"
Your rob Peter...and then rob Paul.
--lotsofjokes.com

December 27
You know you're really broke when...
American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"
You rob Peter...and then rob Paul.
--lotsofjokes.com

December 28
Q. Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A. He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
--lotsofjokes.com

December 29
You know you are addicted to coffee if...
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
--lotsofjokes.com

December 30
Workplace Fun
Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "oh you've got to be faster than that.
--lotsofjokes.com

December 30
Workplace Fun
Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "oh you've got to be faster than that.
--lotsofjokes.com

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Local events heading








  Today is Thursday, April 17, the 107th day of 2014. There are 258 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Journeymen shoemakers of Rock Island struck for higher wages yesterday morning, asking 25 percent increases. Employers have acceded to their demand.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Lighting struck wires of the Merchants Electric Light Co. during a furious storm, and many Rock Island business houses were compelled to resort to gas as a means of illumination.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Members of the First Church of Christ, Scientist, decided to erect a new edifice at a cost of about $60,000.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Willard Anderson, junior forward for the Augustana College basketball team, which won 17 out of 22 contests, was elected captain of the quintet.
1964 -- 50 years ago: John Hoffman, Moline, president of the Sac-Fox Council of Boy Scouts, will be honored for his 50 years in scouting by members of the council at a dinner Thursday evening.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Quad-Cities has what is believed to be the area's first elite-class gymnast. It's the stuff upon which Olympic competitors are made. Tiffany Chapman, of Rock Island, not only has earned the highest possible gymnast ranking, she won the honor at age 11.






(More History)