Chuckles for November 2005



November 01
Q. What two days of the week start with the letter "T"?
A. Today and Tomorrow!
--theholidayspot.com

November 02
A turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!" They all asked the farmer how it tasted. "I don't know" said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!"
--quotesandjokes.com

November 03
Q. Why did the man at the orange juice factory lose his job?
A. He couldn't concentrate!
--lotsofjokes.com

November 04
One night, Tim was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Tim and the thief were began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Tim put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground. The thief then went through Tim's pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Tim was 25 cents. The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Tim why he had bothered to fight so hard for a 25 cents. "Was that all you wanted?" Tim replied, "I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I've got in my shoe!"
--lotsofjokes.com

November 07
Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving," a student wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."
--101thanksgiving.com

November 08
Elevator Fun
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
When at your floor, strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
--otsofjokes.com

November 08
Elevator Fun
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
When at your floor, strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
--lotsofjokes.com

November 09
Q. If Mr. and Mrs. Bigger had a baby, who would be the biggest of the three?
A. The baby, because he's a little Bigger!
--lotsofjokes.com

November 10
Things not to say to a cop when you're pulled over...
Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!
--lotsofjokes.com

November 14
A lady's picking through the frozen turkeys and says to a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" He says, "No, ma'am, they're dead."
--lotsofjokes.com

November 15
Q. Why did the tomato turn red?
A. It saw the salad dressing!
--lotsofjokes.com

November 16
Q. How do you communicate with a fish?
A. Drop him a line!
--lotsofjokes.com

November 17
Signs that you are no longer a kid (or even close)...
You sing along with the elevator music.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
--lotsofjokes.com

November 18
Q. Where do sheep go to get haircuts?
A. To the Baa Baa shop!
--lotsofjokes.com

November 21
Ways To Have Fun in the Workplace...
Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "oh you've got to be faster than that.
--lotsofjokes.com

November 22
Q. Where do cows go on holiday?
A. Moo York
--lotsofjokes.com

November 23
KNOCK KNOCK
Who's There?
Rita
Rita who?
Rita book, you might learn something!
--lotsofjokes.com

November 25
Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney?
Because it soots him !
--ahajokes.com

November 28
What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
I'll have a boo Christmas without you...
--kidsdomain.com

November 29
How to cats greet each other at Christmas?
"A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year!"
--kidsdomain.com

November 30
Q: What would you get if you crossed Santa with a giraffe?
A: St. Neck!
--kidsdomain.com

Back: Past Chuckles






Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Sept. 1, the 244th day of 2014. There are 121 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We are informed by J.H. Hull that the reason the street sprinkler was not at work yesterday settling the dust on the streets, was because one of his horses was injured.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Bonnie McGregor, a fleet-footed stallion owned by S.W. Wheelock of this community, covered himself with glory at Lexington, Ky, when he ran a mile in 2:13 1/2. The horse's value was estimated as at least $50,000.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Troops are pouring into Paris to prepare for defense of the city. The German army is reported to be only 60 miles from the capital of France.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The German army has invaded Poland in undeclared warfare. Poland has appealed to Great Britain and France for aid.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Publication of a plant newspaper, the Farmall Works News, has been launched at the Rock Island IHC factory and replaces a managerial newsletter.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Officials predict Monday's Rock Island Labor Parade will be the biggest and best ever. Last minute work continues on floats and costumes for the parade, which steps off a 9:30 a.m.




(More History)