Chuckles for October 2005



October 03
The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused. "Need some help?" a secretary, walking by, asked. "Yes," he replied, "how does this thing work?" "Simple," she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder. "Thanks, but where do the copies come out?"
--lotsofjokes.com

October 04
Q. What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
A. Don't spook until your spooken to.
--lotsofjokes.com

October 05
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture... of handcuffs.
--lotsofjokes.com

October 06
A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."
--lotsofjokes.com

October 06
A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."

October 10
You know you are addicted to coffee if ...
You help your dog chase its tail.
--lotsofjokes.com

October 11
What do you call a fat Jack-O-Lantern?
A plumpkin!
--lotsofjokes.com

October 12
Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?
Because he's a pain in the neck!
--lotsofjokes.com

October 13
What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
Boo boos
--lotsofjokes.com

October 13
What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
Boo boos
--lotsofjokes.com

October 14
Why did the ghost go to the doctor?
To get his boo-ster shot?
--lotsofjokes.com

October 17
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
--lotsofjokes.com

October 18
Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
They're afraid of flying off the handle!
--lotsofjokes.com

October 19
Where does Dracula water ski?
On Lake Erie
--lotsofjokes.com

October 20
What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
Don't spook until your spooken to.
--lotsofjokes.com

October 21
What type of coffee do vampires prefer?
Decoffinated!
--lotsofjokes.com

October 24
What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving...
--theholidayspot.com

October 25
What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts...
--theholidayspot.com

October 26
What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?
Lemon-slime...
--theholidayspot.com

October 28
How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray...
--theholidayspot.com

October 31
What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets!
--theholidayspot.com

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Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Sept. 1, the 244th day of 2014. There are 121 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We are informed by J.H. Hull that the reason the street sprinkler was not at work yesterday settling the dust on the streets, was because one of his horses was injured.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Bonnie McGregor, a fleet-footed stallion owned by S.W. Wheelock of this community, covered himself with glory at Lexington, Ky, when he ran a mile in 2:13 1/2. The horse's value was estimated as at least $50,000.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Troops are pouring into Paris to prepare for defense of the city. The German army is reported to be only 60 miles from the capital of France.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The German army has invaded Poland in undeclared warfare. Poland has appealed to Great Britain and France for aid.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Publication of a plant newspaper, the Farmall Works News, has been launched at the Rock Island IHC factory and replaces a managerial newsletter.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Officials predict Monday's Rock Island Labor Parade will be the biggest and best ever. Last minute work continues on floats and costumes for the parade, which steps off a 9:30 a.m.




(More History)