Chuckles for October 2005



October 03
The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused. "Need some help?" a secretary, walking by, asked. "Yes," he replied, "how does this thing work?" "Simple," she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder. "Thanks, but where do the copies come out?"
--lotsofjokes.com

October 04
Q. What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
A. Don't spook until your spooken to.
--lotsofjokes.com

October 05
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture... of handcuffs.
--lotsofjokes.com

October 06
A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."
--lotsofjokes.com

October 06
A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."

October 10
You know you are addicted to coffee if ...
You help your dog chase its tail.
--lotsofjokes.com

October 11
What do you call a fat Jack-O-Lantern?
A plumpkin!
--lotsofjokes.com

October 12
Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?
Because he's a pain in the neck!
--lotsofjokes.com

October 13
What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
Boo boos
--lotsofjokes.com

October 13
What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
Boo boos
--lotsofjokes.com

October 14
Why did the ghost go to the doctor?
To get his boo-ster shot?
--lotsofjokes.com

October 17
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
--lotsofjokes.com

October 18
Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
They're afraid of flying off the handle!
--lotsofjokes.com

October 19
Where does Dracula water ski?
On Lake Erie
--lotsofjokes.com

October 20
What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
Don't spook until your spooken to.
--lotsofjokes.com

October 21
What type of coffee do vampires prefer?
Decoffinated!
--lotsofjokes.com

October 24
What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving...
--theholidayspot.com

October 25
What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts...
--theholidayspot.com

October 26
What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?
Lemon-slime...
--theholidayspot.com

October 28
How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray...
--theholidayspot.com

October 31
What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets!
--theholidayspot.com

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Local events heading








  Today is Thursday, July 31, the 212th day of 2014. There are 153 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: A corps of surgeons now occupies the new hospital quarters at the Garrison Hospital on the Rock Island Arsenal. A fence has been installed to enclose the prison hospital.
1889 -- 125 years ago: B. Winter has let a contract to Christ Schreiner for a two story brick building with a double store front on the south side of 3rd Avenue just west of 17th Street. The estimated cost was $4,500.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Germany sent simultaneous ultimatums to Russia and France, demanding that Russia suspend mobilization within 12 hours and demanding that France inform Germany within 18 hours. In the case of war between Germany and Russia, France would remain neutral.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Civil service offices at the post office and the Rock Island Arsenal were swamped as more than 700 youths sought 15 machinist apprenticeships at the Arsenal.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Last night, American Legion Post 246 in Moline figuratively handed over the trousers to a female ex-Marine and petticoat rule began. Olga Swanson, of Moline, was installed as the first woman commander of the post .
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Illinois Quad City Civic Center captured the excitement and interest of a convention of auditorium managers this weekend in Reno, Nev. Bill Adams, civic center authority chairman, said the 10,000-seat arena planned for downtown Moline has caught the eye of construction firms, suppliers, management teams and concession groups.








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