Chuckles for October 2005



October 03
The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused. "Need some help?" a secretary, walking by, asked. "Yes," he replied, "how does this thing work?" "Simple," she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder. "Thanks, but where do the copies come out?"
--lotsofjokes.com

October 04
Q. What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
A. Don't spook until your spooken to.
--lotsofjokes.com

October 05
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture... of handcuffs.
--lotsofjokes.com

October 06
A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."
--lotsofjokes.com

October 06
A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."

October 10
You know you are addicted to coffee if ...
You help your dog chase its tail.
--lotsofjokes.com

October 11
What do you call a fat Jack-O-Lantern?
A plumpkin!
--lotsofjokes.com

October 12
Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?
Because he's a pain in the neck!
--lotsofjokes.com

October 13
What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
Boo boos
--lotsofjokes.com

October 13
What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
Boo boos
--lotsofjokes.com

October 14
Why did the ghost go to the doctor?
To get his boo-ster shot?
--lotsofjokes.com

October 17
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
--lotsofjokes.com

October 18
Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
They're afraid of flying off the handle!
--lotsofjokes.com

October 19
Where does Dracula water ski?
On Lake Erie
--lotsofjokes.com

October 20
What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
Don't spook until your spooken to.
--lotsofjokes.com

October 21
What type of coffee do vampires prefer?
Decoffinated!
--lotsofjokes.com

October 24
What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving...
--theholidayspot.com

October 25
What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts...
--theholidayspot.com

October 26
What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?
Lemon-slime...
--theholidayspot.com

October 28
How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray...
--theholidayspot.com

October 31
What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets!
--theholidayspot.com

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Local events heading








  Today is Monday, April 21, the 111th day of 2014. There are 254 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The female sex seems to have gone crazy on the subject of dry goods. When high prices keep them from increasing their wardrobes, they turn to stealing. Yard goods, hats, shoes and other items are being picked up and carried home.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Members of Everts Commandery No. 18, Knights Templar, under Commander H.C. Cleaveland, marched from the Masonic Temple to Trinity Episcopal Church for their annual Easter services.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Nate Hultgren pitched the Augustana College baseball team to a 10-3 victory over Carthage, striking out 11 men and allowing only four hits.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Marvel Leonhardi, a Rock Island High School senior, was the winner of an essay contest on advertising sponsored by The Argus and Advertising Age, a national advertising publication.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The Augustana College band drew a crowd of 1,200 people for its annual home concert in Centennial Hall. The size of the crowd was indicative of the fact the band is rapidly approaching the stature of the Augustana Choir.
1989 -- 25 years ago: A benefit to raise money for extracurricular activities in the Rock Island Milan School District will be April 27 at the Quad City Downs harness race track. People buying $17.50 tickets to the second annual "Night at the Quad City Downs" will be entitled to an evening of harness racing and dinner.






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