Chuckles for September 2005



September 01
Q. Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
A. To get a tweetment.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 02
Q. What has four wheels and flies?
A. A garbage truck!
--lotsofjokes.com

September 06
Q. Why did it take the monster ten months to finish a book?
A. Because he wasn't very hungry.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 07
Q. What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?
A. Post Office!
--lotsofjokes.com

September 08
Q. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A. Because 789!
--lotsofjokes.com

September 09
Q. What is the center of gravity?
A. The letter V!
--lotsofjokes.com

September 12
Q. What do cats eat for breakfast?
A. Mice Crispies!
--lotsofjokes.com

September 13
KNOCK KNOCK
Who's There?
Rita
Rita who?
Rita book, you might learn something!
--lotsofjokes.com

September 15
Q. If Mr. and Mrs. Bigger had a baby, who would be the biggest of the three?
A. The baby, because he's a little Bigger!
--lotsofjokes.com

September 16
Q. How do you double the value of a Geo Metro?
A. Fill it with gas.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 19
KNOCK KNOCK
Who's There?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger, I'm hungry!
--lotsofjokes.com

September 20
You know you are addicted to coffee if ...
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 20
You know you are addicted to coffee if ...
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 20
You know you are addicted to coffee if ...
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 20
You know you are addicted to coffee if ...
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 21
Innkeeper: The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed.
Guest: I'll make my own bed.
Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 22
Best Things to say if Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...
"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
"Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
--lotsofjokes.com

September 23
You know you are addicted to coffee if...
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 26
Q. Why do chicken coops have two doors? A. Because if it had four doors it's be a chicken sedan.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 26
Q. Why do chicken coops have two doors?
A. Because if it had four doors it's be a chicken sedan.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 26
Q. Why do chicken coops have two doors?
A. Because if it had four doors it's be a chicken sedan.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 27
Q. Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A. Its easier than walking!
--lotsofjokes.com

September 28
You know you are addicted to coffee if ...
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 29
Why do they give you a watch when you retire when it's the first time in your life you really don't care what time it is?
--lotsofjokes.com

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Monday, April 21, the 111th day of 2014. There are 254 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The female sex seems to have gone crazy on the subject of dry goods. When high prices keep them from increasing their wardrobes, they turn to stealing. Yard goods, hats, shoes and other items are being picked up and carried home.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Members of Everts Commandery No. 18, Knights Templar, under Commander H.C. Cleaveland, marched from the Masonic Temple to Trinity Episcopal Church for their annual Easter services.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Nate Hultgren pitched the Augustana College baseball team to a 10-3 victory over Carthage, striking out 11 men and allowing only four hits.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Marvel Leonhardi, a Rock Island High School senior, was the winner of an essay contest on advertising sponsored by The Argus and Advertising Age, a national advertising publication.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The Augustana College band drew a crowd of 1,200 people for its annual home concert in Centennial Hall. The size of the crowd was indicative of the fact the band is rapidly approaching the stature of the Augustana Choir.
1989 -- 25 years ago: A benefit to raise money for extracurricular activities in the Rock Island Milan School District will be April 27 at the Quad City Downs harness race track. People buying $17.50 tickets to the second annual "Night at the Quad City Downs" will be entitled to an evening of harness racing and dinner.






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