Chuckles for September 2005



September 01
Q. Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
A. To get a tweetment.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 02
Q. What has four wheels and flies?
A. A garbage truck!
--lotsofjokes.com

September 06
Q. Why did it take the monster ten months to finish a book?
A. Because he wasn't very hungry.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 07
Q. What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?
A. Post Office!
--lotsofjokes.com

September 08
Q. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A. Because 789!
--lotsofjokes.com

September 09
Q. What is the center of gravity?
A. The letter V!
--lotsofjokes.com

September 12
Q. What do cats eat for breakfast?
A. Mice Crispies!
--lotsofjokes.com

September 13
KNOCK KNOCK
Who's There?
Rita
Rita who?
Rita book, you might learn something!
--lotsofjokes.com

September 15
Q. If Mr. and Mrs. Bigger had a baby, who would be the biggest of the three?
A. The baby, because he's a little Bigger!
--lotsofjokes.com

September 16
Q. How do you double the value of a Geo Metro?
A. Fill it with gas.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 19
KNOCK KNOCK
Who's There?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger, I'm hungry!
--lotsofjokes.com

September 20
You know you are addicted to coffee if ...
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 20
You know you are addicted to coffee if ...
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 20
You know you are addicted to coffee if ...
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 20
You know you are addicted to coffee if ...
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 21
Innkeeper: The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed.
Guest: I'll make my own bed.
Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 22
Best Things to say if Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...
"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
"Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
--lotsofjokes.com

September 23
You know you are addicted to coffee if...
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 26
Q. Why do chicken coops have two doors? A. Because if it had four doors it's be a chicken sedan.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 26
Q. Why do chicken coops have two doors?
A. Because if it had four doors it's be a chicken sedan.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 26
Q. Why do chicken coops have two doors?
A. Because if it had four doors it's be a chicken sedan.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 27
Q. Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A. Its easier than walking!
--lotsofjokes.com

September 28
You know you are addicted to coffee if ...
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
--lotsofjokes.com

September 29
Why do they give you a watch when you retire when it's the first time in your life you really don't care what time it is?
--lotsofjokes.com

Back: Past Chuckles






Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Sept. 1, the 244th day of 2014. There are 121 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We are informed by J.H. Hull that the reason the street sprinkler was not at work yesterday settling the dust on the streets, was because one of his horses was injured.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Bonnie McGregor, a fleet-footed stallion owned by S.W. Wheelock of this community, covered himself with glory at Lexington, Ky, when he ran a mile in 2:13 1/2. The horse's value was estimated as at least $50,000.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Troops are pouring into Paris to prepare for defense of the city. The German army is reported to be only 60 miles from the capital of France.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The German army has invaded Poland in undeclared warfare. Poland has appealed to Great Britain and France for aid.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Publication of a plant newspaper, the Farmall Works News, has been launched at the Rock Island IHC factory and replaces a managerial newsletter.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Officials predict Monday's Rock Island Labor Parade will be the biggest and best ever. Last minute work continues on floats and costumes for the parade, which steps off a 9:30 a.m.




(More History)