LOCAL FOOTBALL SCORING UPDATES PRESENTED BY THE HUNGRY HOBO:

Chuckles for August 2005



August 01
Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch dog.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 02
Q. Why don't skeletons fight each other?
A. They don't have the guts.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 03
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
--lotsofjokes.com

August 05
Q. What did the water say to the boat?
A. Nothing, it just waved.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 08
Q. Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 09
Q. Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 09
Q. Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 09
Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 10
Q. Why did the tomato turn red?
A. It saw the salad dressing!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 11
Q. You know you're really broke when...
A. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"
--lotsofjokes.com

August 11
You know you're really broke when...
American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"
--lotsofjokes.com

August 12
You know you're really broke when...
Your rob Peter...and then rob Paul
--lotsofjokes.com

August 15
Q. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A. It let out a little wine!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 16
Dog's have owners. Cat's have staff.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 17
An apple a day keeps the doctor away...
so does having no medical insurance.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 18
Cynic's Guide to Life...
Always take time to stop and smell the roses...
and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 19
Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 22
Police Quotes
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
--"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
--lotsofjokes.com

August 22
Police Quotes:
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
--lotsofjokes.com

August 23
Q. What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A. Every morning you'll rise and shine!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 24
You know you are addicted to coffee if...
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 25
Q. Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? A. He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 26
Q. What do you do with a blue whale? A. Try to cheer him up!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 29
Q. Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?
A. They wear snow caps.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 30
Q. What did the painter say to the wall?
A. One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 31
Q. What did the judge say to the dentist?
A. Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 31
Q. What did the judge say to the dentist?
A. Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 31
Q. What did the judge say to the dentist?
A. Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
--lotsofjokes.com

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Sept. 22, the 265th day of 2014. There are 100 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The board of education has granted Thursday as a holiday for the children, with the expectation that parents who desire to have their children attend the Scott County Fair will do so on that day and save irregularity the rest of the week.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The guard fence around the new cement walk at the Harper House has been removed. The blocks are diamond shape, alternating in black and white.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The Rev. R.B. Williams, former pastor of the First Methodist Church, Rock Island, was named superintendent of the Rock Island District.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Abnormally high temperatures and lack of rainfall in Illinois during the past week have speeded maturing of corn and soybean crops.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Installation of a new television system in St. Anthony's Hospital, which includes a closed circuit channel as well as the three regular Quad-Cities channels, has been completed and now is in operation.
1989 -- 25 years ago: When the new Moline High School was built in 1958, along with it were plans to construct a football field in the bowl near 34th Street on the campus. Wednesday afternoon, more than 30 years later, the Moline Board of Education Athletic Board sent the ball rolling toward the possible construction of that field by asking superintendent Richard Hennigan to take to the board of education a proposal to hire a consultant.






(More History)