PREP FOOTBALL SCORING UPDATES PRESENTED BY THE HUNGRY HOBO:

Chuckles for August 2005



August 01
Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch dog.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 02
Q. Why don't skeletons fight each other?
A. They don't have the guts.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 03
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
--lotsofjokes.com

August 05
Q. What did the water say to the boat?
A. Nothing, it just waved.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 08
Q. Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 09
Q. Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 09
Q. Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 09
Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 10
Q. Why did the tomato turn red?
A. It saw the salad dressing!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 11
Q. You know you're really broke when...
A. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"
--lotsofjokes.com

August 11
You know you're really broke when...
American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"
--lotsofjokes.com

August 12
You know you're really broke when...
Your rob Peter...and then rob Paul
--lotsofjokes.com

August 15
Q. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A. It let out a little wine!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 16
Dog's have owners. Cat's have staff.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 17
An apple a day keeps the doctor away...
so does having no medical insurance.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 18
Cynic's Guide to Life...
Always take time to stop and smell the roses...
and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 19
Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 22
Police Quotes
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
--"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
--lotsofjokes.com

August 22
Police Quotes:
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
--lotsofjokes.com

August 23
Q. What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A. Every morning you'll rise and shine!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 24
You know you are addicted to coffee if...
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 25
Q. Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? A. He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 26
Q. What do you do with a blue whale? A. Try to cheer him up!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 29
Q. Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?
A. They wear snow caps.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 30
Q. What did the painter say to the wall?
A. One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 31
Q. What did the judge say to the dentist?
A. Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 31
Q. What did the judge say to the dentist?
A. Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 31
Q. What did the judge say to the dentist?
A. Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
--lotsofjokes.com

Back: Past Chuckles






Local events heading








  Today is Saturday, Aug. 30, the 242nd day of 2014. There are 123 days left in the year.

1864 — 150 years ago: A large pair of elk, captured in Iowa, were exhibited in Market Square today.
1889 — 125 years ago: The Rock Island Arsenal dam was being constructed under the supervision of Charles Frances, of Lowell, Mass.
1914 — 100 years ago: Mrs. Frank Mixer, of Rock Island, was the winner of the final preliminary for the women's handicap golf cup at Rock Island arsenal links.
1939 — 75 years ago: Sixteen hundred persons — many from war-fearful Europe — arrived in New York aboard the German liner Bremen. For two days on the trip, passengers were cut off from the world with both incoming and outgoing radio messages banned.
1964 — 50 years ago: Police reported five youths have been involved in the theft of about seven cars in recent weeks. Three of the youths were arrested Saturday afternoon, one was in custody as the result of a previous arrest, and the fifth is expected to be arrested today.
1989 — 25 years ago: The Rock Island/Milan School Board is asking the city to tear down Franklin School and allow the school district to pay back the estimated $100,00 cost during 10 years.






(More History)