Chuckles for August 2005



August 01
Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch dog.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 02
Q. Why don't skeletons fight each other?
A. They don't have the guts.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 03
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
--lotsofjokes.com

August 05
Q. What did the water say to the boat?
A. Nothing, it just waved.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 08
Q. Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 09
Q. Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 09
Q. Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 09
Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 10
Q. Why did the tomato turn red?
A. It saw the salad dressing!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 11
Q. You know you're really broke when...
A. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"
--lotsofjokes.com

August 11
You know you're really broke when...
American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"
--lotsofjokes.com

August 12
You know you're really broke when...
Your rob Peter...and then rob Paul
--lotsofjokes.com

August 15
Q. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A. It let out a little wine!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 16
Dog's have owners. Cat's have staff.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 17
An apple a day keeps the doctor away...
so does having no medical insurance.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 18
Cynic's Guide to Life...
Always take time to stop and smell the roses...
and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 19
Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 22
Police Quotes
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
--"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
--lotsofjokes.com

August 22
Police Quotes:
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
--lotsofjokes.com

August 23
Q. What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A. Every morning you'll rise and shine!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 24
You know you are addicted to coffee if...
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 25
Q. Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? A. He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 26
Q. What do you do with a blue whale? A. Try to cheer him up!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 29
Q. Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?
A. They wear snow caps.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 30
Q. What did the painter say to the wall?
A. One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 31
Q. What did the judge say to the dentist?
A. Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 31
Q. What did the judge say to the dentist?
A. Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 31
Q. What did the judge say to the dentist?
A. Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
--lotsofjokes.com

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Friday, April 18, the 108th day of 2014. There are 257 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: A new steamer, Keithsburg, now is at our levee taking on board the balance of her fixtures preparatory to assuming her position on the daily Rock Island and Keokuk line.
1889 -- 125 years ago: C.W. Hawes was appointed deputy county clerk by county clerk Donaldson.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Mrs. O.E. child, of Moline, was named president of the Women's Home Missionary Society of the Methodist Church Rock Island District of the Central Illinois conference.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Augustana College is making plans for a drive for funds to erect a field house and make football field improvements.
1964 -- 50 years ago: A expanded election coverage system featuring a 16-foot chalkboard showing up to the minute running totals, attracted a large and enthusiastic crowd to The Argus newsroom last night.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Balloons frame Rock Island attorney Stewart Winstein who was given a surprise party in the rotunda of the Rock Island County Courthouse on Thursday to honor his 50th year of practicing law.




(More History)