Chuckles for August 2005



August 01
Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch dog.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 02
Q. Why don't skeletons fight each other?
A. They don't have the guts.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 03
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
--lotsofjokes.com

August 05
Q. What did the water say to the boat?
A. Nothing, it just waved.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 08
Q. Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 09
Q. Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 09
Q. Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 09
Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 10
Q. Why did the tomato turn red?
A. It saw the salad dressing!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 11
Q. You know you're really broke when...
A. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"
--lotsofjokes.com

August 11
You know you're really broke when...
American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"
--lotsofjokes.com

August 12
You know you're really broke when...
Your rob Peter...and then rob Paul
--lotsofjokes.com

August 15
Q. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A. It let out a little wine!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 16
Dog's have owners. Cat's have staff.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 17
An apple a day keeps the doctor away...
so does having no medical insurance.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 18
Cynic's Guide to Life...
Always take time to stop and smell the roses...
and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 19
Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 22
Police Quotes
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
--"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
--lotsofjokes.com

August 22
Police Quotes:
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
--lotsofjokes.com

August 23
Q. What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A. Every morning you'll rise and shine!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 24
You know you are addicted to coffee if...
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 25
Q. Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? A. He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 26
Q. What do you do with a blue whale? A. Try to cheer him up!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 29
Q. Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?
A. They wear snow caps.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 30
Q. What did the painter say to the wall?
A. One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 31
Q. What did the judge say to the dentist?
A. Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 31
Q. What did the judge say to the dentist?
A. Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 31
Q. What did the judge say to the dentist?
A. Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
--lotsofjokes.com

Back: Past Chuckles




Local events heading








  Today is Tuesday, May 21, the 141st day of 2013. There are 224 days left in the year.
1863 -- 150 years ago: On Monday the 11th inst. on Center Ridge in Mercer County,some citizens got out their cannon to celebrate the taking of Richmond. The gun wasoverloaded and burst. No one was injured, but one 30-pound piece went though thesecond story of a house.
1888 -- 125 years ago: The old folks concert at the Harper Theater last night to benefit St.Luke's Cottage Hospital, attracted a large audience.
1913 -- 100 years ago: Unless depredation by vandals in Rock Island parks is halted,special policemen will be assigned to night duty to protect the flowers and other property.
1938 -- 75 years ago: Station WHBF has received a special citation from Washington forits participation in Air Mail Week, which was observed this week throughout the nation.
1963 -- 50 years ago: A 10-year high in employment in the Quad-City area was reachedat the end of the last quarter, according to an industrial employment barometer releasedtoday.
1988 -- 25 years ago: Pee Wee teams will be able to play baseball and softball as usualon Diamond Three at Dorrance Park this summer, but after that, the ball field is doomed.County crews have put the diamond back in shape after heavy trucks marred the playingfield earlier this spring. Illinois Department of Transportation crews drove onto it to makeborings for the relocation of the junction of Illinois 84 and the Port Byron-Hillsdale road.




(More History)