Chuckles for August 2005



August 01
Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch dog.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 02
Q. Why don't skeletons fight each other?
A. They don't have the guts.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 03
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
--lotsofjokes.com

August 05
Q. What did the water say to the boat?
A. Nothing, it just waved.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 08
Q. Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 09
Q. Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 09
Q. Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 09
Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 10
Q. Why did the tomato turn red?
A. It saw the salad dressing!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 11
Q. You know you're really broke when...
A. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"
--lotsofjokes.com

August 11
You know you're really broke when...
American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"
--lotsofjokes.com

August 12
You know you're really broke when...
Your rob Peter...and then rob Paul
--lotsofjokes.com

August 15
Q. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A. It let out a little wine!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 16
Dog's have owners. Cat's have staff.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 17
An apple a day keeps the doctor away...
so does having no medical insurance.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 18
Cynic's Guide to Life...
Always take time to stop and smell the roses...
and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 19
Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 22
Police Quotes
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
--"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
--lotsofjokes.com

August 22
Police Quotes:
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
--lotsofjokes.com

August 23
Q. What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A. Every morning you'll rise and shine!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 24
You know you are addicted to coffee if...
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 25
Q. Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? A. He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 26
Q. What do you do with a blue whale? A. Try to cheer him up!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 29
Q. Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?
A. They wear snow caps.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 30
Q. What did the painter say to the wall?
A. One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
--lotsofjokes.com

August 31
Q. What did the judge say to the dentist?
A. Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 31
Q. What did the judge say to the dentist?
A. Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
--lotsofjokes.com

August 31
Q. What did the judge say to the dentist?
A. Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
--lotsofjokes.com

Back: Past Chuckles





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  Today is Tuesday, Sept, 30, the 273rd day of 2014. There are 92 days left in the year.

1864 — 150 years ago: The ARGUS Boys are very anxious to attend the great Democratic mass meeting tomorrow and we shall therefore, print no paper on the day.
1889 — 125 years ago: H.J. Lowery resigned from his position as manager at the Harper House.
1914 — 100 years ago: Curtis & Simonson was the name of a new legal partnership formed by two younger members of the Rock Island County Bar. Hugh Cyrtis and Devore Simonson..
1939 — 75 years ago: Harry Grell, deputy county clerk was named county recorder to fill the vacancy caused by a resignation.
1964 — 50 years ago: A new world wide reader insurance service program offering around the clock accident protection for Argus subscribers and their families is announced today.
1989 — 25 years ago: Tomato plant and other sensitive greenery may have had a hard time surviving overnight as temperatures neared the freezing point.




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