Chuckles for July 2005
July 01
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen.” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “That driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.” --funny2.com/
July 05
All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy. --funny2.com
July 06
Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was great. --funny2.com
July 07
Q. How does a pig go to hospital? A. In a hambulance. --funny2.com
July 08
A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw." --funny2.com
July 11
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he / she is supposed to be doing. --funny2.com
July 12
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. --Zsa Zsa Gabor
July 13
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered "So did my arthritis!". --funny2.com
July 14
Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in." --funny2.com
July 15
Insanity helpers To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace. --funny2.com
July 18
What is brown and lives in a bell tower? --The lunch bag of Notre Dame. --funny2.com
July 18
What is brown and lives in a bell tower? The lunch bag of Notre Dame. --funny2.com
July 19
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!" --octanecreative.com
July 20
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired. --101funjokes.com
July 21
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!" --Henny Youngman
July 22
You can't have everything. Where would you put it? --Steven Wright
July 25
I traded in my wife's piano for a clarinet. You can't sing while playing a clarinet. --funny2.com
July 27
Q. What did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane? A. ME!!! --lotsofjokes.com/
July 28
Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces. - Judith Viorst
July 29
Q. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? A. Odor in the court. --lotsofjokes.com
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