Chuckles for June 2005

June 01
Q. What do you call the best butter on the farm?
A. A goat!

June 02
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
--Oscar Wilde

June 02
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
--Oscar Wilde

June 03
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
--Oscar Wilde

June 06
"People are always asking me how much I'm worth. Well, all I can say is, I've got enough money to last me the rest of my life. As long as I die in the next 20 minutes."
--George Burns

June 08
Q. What's pink and fluffy A. Pink fluff

June 08
Q. What's pink and fluffy
A. Pink fluff

June 08
Q. What's pink and fluffy?
A. Pink fluff!

June 09
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

June 10
The best things in life are free....
or have no interest or payments for one full year.

June 13
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!
Tom Lehrer(1928 - )

June 14
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

June 15
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Mark Twain

June 16
Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fun guy. Why did he leave the party? Because there wasn't mushroom!

June 17
A guy says to a dentist, "$90 to pull a tooth? That's only about one minute's work!" The dentist says, "I can make it last longer if you'd like."

June 20
Could you be arrested for selling 'illegal-sized' paper?

June 21
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

June 22
The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
--Ambrose Bierce

June 23
Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.

June 24
What's brown and sticky?
A stick..

June 27
If #2 pencils are the most popular, are they still #2?

June 28
You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again. - Joan Rivers

June 29
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

June 30
A goldfish walks into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The goldfish says, "Water."

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Monday, Sept. 22, the 265th day of 2014. There are 100 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The board of education has granted Thursday as a holiday for the children, with the expectation that parents who desire to have their children attend the Scott County Fair will do so on that day and save irregularity the rest of the week.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The guard fence around the new cement walk at the Harper House has been removed. The blocks are diamond shape, alternating in black and white.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The Rev. R.B. Williams, former pastor of the First Methodist Church, Rock Island, was named superintendent of the Rock Island District.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Abnormally high temperatures and lack of rainfall in Illinois during the past week have speeded maturing of corn and soybean crops.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Installation of a new television system in St. Anthony's Hospital, which includes a closed circuit channel as well as the three regular Quad-Cities channels, has been completed and now is in operation.
1989 -- 25 years ago: When the new Moline High School was built in 1958, along with it were plans to construct a football field in the bowl near 34th Street on the campus. Wednesday afternoon, more than 30 years later, the Moline Board of Education Athletic Board sent the ball rolling toward the possible construction of that field by asking superintendent Richard Hennigan to take to the board of education a proposal to hire a consultant.

(More History)