Chuckles for May 2005



May 02
Q. What country makes you shiver?
A. Chile.

May 03
Q. What did one elevator say to the other?
A. I think I'm coming down with something!

May 04
Q. What happens when frogs park illegally?
A. They get toad.

May 04
Q. What happens when frogs park illegally?
A. They get toad.

May 05
Q. What's green and loud?
A. A froghorn.

May 06
Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?
He took them to a pignic.(corsinet.com)

May 09
Q. Why don't anteaters get sick?
A. Because they're full of anty-bodies.

May 10
Q. What did one magnet say to the other?
A. I find you very attractive.

May 10
Q. What did one magnet say to the other?
A. I find you very attractive.
(corsinet.com)

May 11
Q. What is a tree's favorite drink?
A. Root beer.
(corsinet.com)

May 12
Q. If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
A. K9P

May 13
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
(jokesandhumor.com)

May 13
Q. Why did the chicken cross the beach?
A. To get to the other tide.

May 16
Q. Why don't oysters give to charity?
A. Because they're shellfish.

May 17
Q. What happens when frogs park illegally?
A. They get toad.

May 18
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.
--Unknown

May 19
Q. What do bees do with their honey?
A. They cell it.

May 20
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
Thomas A. Edison
(1847 - 1931)

May 23
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
--Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

May 24
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
--Groucho Marx
(1890 - 1977)

May 25
"I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me."
--(ahajokes.com)

May 26
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
--Milton Berle

May 27
Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A. A fsh!

May 31
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
--(jokesandhumor.com)

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Friday, July 25, the 206th day of 2014. There are 159 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Walter Jones, of Co, F 23rd Ky, volunteers, lost a satchel on the Camden road, yesterday, containing his papers of discharge from the army.
1889 -- 125 years ago: E. W. Robinson purchased from Mrs. J.T. Miller the livery stable on the triangle south of Market square.
1914 -- 100 years ago: A municipal; bathing beach was advocated at the weekly meeting of the city commission by commissioner Rudgren, who suggested the foot of Seventh Street as an excellent location.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Floyd Shetter, Rock Island county superintendent schools, announced teachers hired for nearly all of the 95 rural and village grade schools in the county.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The mercury officially reached the season's previous high of 95 about noon today and continued upward toward an expected mark of 97.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Fort Armstrong hotel once the wining and dining chambers of Rock Island's elite is under repair. Progress is being made though at a seeming snail's pace to return the building to a semblance of its past glory for senior citizen's homes.








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