Chuckles for May 2005



May 02
Q. What country makes you shiver?
A. Chile.

May 03
Q. What did one elevator say to the other?
A. I think I'm coming down with something!

May 04
Q. What happens when frogs park illegally?
A. They get toad.

May 04
Q. What happens when frogs park illegally?
A. They get toad.

May 05
Q. What's green and loud?
A. A froghorn.

May 06
Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?
He took them to a pignic.(corsinet.com)

May 09
Q. Why don't anteaters get sick?
A. Because they're full of anty-bodies.

May 10
Q. What did one magnet say to the other?
A. I find you very attractive.

May 10
Q. What did one magnet say to the other?
A. I find you very attractive.
(corsinet.com)

May 11
Q. What is a tree's favorite drink?
A. Root beer.
(corsinet.com)

May 12
Q. If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
A. K9P

May 13
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
(jokesandhumor.com)

May 13
Q. Why did the chicken cross the beach?
A. To get to the other tide.

May 16
Q. Why don't oysters give to charity?
A. Because they're shellfish.

May 17
Q. What happens when frogs park illegally?
A. They get toad.

May 18
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.
--Unknown

May 19
Q. What do bees do with their honey?
A. They cell it.

May 20
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
Thomas A. Edison
(1847 - 1931)

May 23
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
--Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

May 24
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
--Groucho Marx
(1890 - 1977)

May 25
"I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me."
--(ahajokes.com)

May 26
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
--Milton Berle

May 27
Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A. A fsh!

May 31
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
--(jokesandhumor.com)

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Friday, Aug. 22, the 234th day of 2014. There are 131 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: The ferry boat, Rock Island, having been put in good order at the boat yard is now making her regular trips, much to the gratification of those who have to cross the river.
1889 -- 125 years ago: W.J. Gamble, for many years superintendent of the Moline & Rock Island railway, leased the Fourth Avenue Hotel and renovated and refurnished it throughout.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Pending the building of new public schools or additions to the present ones to provide adequate room for all the children, the board of education decided that pupils younger than 6 years old would not be accepted in Rock Island schools.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The fifth annual New Windsor Fair and Horse show, which has been delayed for two days because of unfavorable weather, got off to a new start last night. The parade was held this morning.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The Rock Island County Fair and Rodeo will celebrate its silver anniversary this year. The fair opens Tuesday and will run through Saturday and offers entertainment and activity for young and old.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Earl Hanson School, Rock Island, joins the Program to Assist Latch Key Student, which aids working parents. PALS is a before and after school program for grades 1-6 in certain Rock Island public and private schools.




(More History)