Chuckles for May 2005



May 02
Q. What country makes you shiver?
A. Chile.

May 03
Q. What did one elevator say to the other?
A. I think I'm coming down with something!

May 04
Q. What happens when frogs park illegally?
A. They get toad.

May 04
Q. What happens when frogs park illegally?
A. They get toad.

May 05
Q. What's green and loud?
A. A froghorn.

May 06
Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?
He took them to a pignic.(corsinet.com)

May 09
Q. Why don't anteaters get sick?
A. Because they're full of anty-bodies.

May 10
Q. What did one magnet say to the other?
A. I find you very attractive.

May 10
Q. What did one magnet say to the other?
A. I find you very attractive.
(corsinet.com)

May 11
Q. What is a tree's favorite drink?
A. Root beer.
(corsinet.com)

May 12
Q. If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
A. K9P

May 13
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
(jokesandhumor.com)

May 13
Q. Why did the chicken cross the beach?
A. To get to the other tide.

May 16
Q. Why don't oysters give to charity?
A. Because they're shellfish.

May 17
Q. What happens when frogs park illegally?
A. They get toad.

May 18
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.
--Unknown

May 19
Q. What do bees do with their honey?
A. They cell it.

May 20
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
Thomas A. Edison
(1847 - 1931)

May 23
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
--Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

May 24
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
--Groucho Marx
(1890 - 1977)

May 25
"I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me."
--(ahajokes.com)

May 26
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
--Milton Berle

May 27
Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A. A fsh!

May 31
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
--(jokesandhumor.com)

Back: Past Chuckles






Local events heading








  Today is Wednesday, Sept. 17, the 260th day of 2014. There are 105 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: We are told league merchants have paid no attention to the prohibition on selling ammunition, but continue to sell just as before the order was issued.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The Rev. R.F. Sweet, rector of Trinity Episcopal Parish, left for the East to visit his boyhood home in Boston before attending the general convention of the Episcopal Church in New York.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Dr. E.A. Anderson was named to succeed Dr. E.L. Kerns as head physician of the Modern Woodmen of America, and moved to Rock Island from Holdingford, Minn.
1939 -- 75 years ago: One week late, because of the outbreak of war, Dr. E.L. Beyer resumed his work as professor of romance languages at Augustana College. Dr. and Mrs. Beyer left Germany on the last train to the Belgian border.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Employees in Turnstyle stores in Moline and Davenport will vote Oct. 2 in an election set up by the Chicago regional office of the National Labor Relations Board. Employees will vote either for the Retail Clerk International or for no union.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Rock Island High School is considering a step to help teen moms stay in school and get their diploma. The school board is expected to vote tonight on instituting an on-site child care center.




(More History)