Chuckles for May 2005



May 02
Q. What country makes you shiver?
A. Chile.

May 03
Q. What did one elevator say to the other?
A. I think I'm coming down with something!

May 04
Q. What happens when frogs park illegally?
A. They get toad.

May 04
Q. What happens when frogs park illegally?
A. They get toad.

May 05
Q. What's green and loud?
A. A froghorn.

May 06
Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?
He took them to a pignic.(corsinet.com)

May 09
Q. Why don't anteaters get sick?
A. Because they're full of anty-bodies.

May 10
Q. What did one magnet say to the other?
A. I find you very attractive.

May 10
Q. What did one magnet say to the other?
A. I find you very attractive.
(corsinet.com)

May 11
Q. What is a tree's favorite drink?
A. Root beer.
(corsinet.com)

May 12
Q. If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
A. K9P

May 13
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
(jokesandhumor.com)

May 13
Q. Why did the chicken cross the beach?
A. To get to the other tide.

May 16
Q. Why don't oysters give to charity?
A. Because they're shellfish.

May 17
Q. What happens when frogs park illegally?
A. They get toad.

May 18
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.
--Unknown

May 19
Q. What do bees do with their honey?
A. They cell it.

May 20
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
Thomas A. Edison
(1847 - 1931)

May 23
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
--Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

May 24
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
--Groucho Marx
(1890 - 1977)

May 25
"I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me."
--(ahajokes.com)

May 26
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
--Milton Berle

May 27
Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A. A fsh!

May 31
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
--(jokesandhumor.com)

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Tuesday, July 29, the 210th day of 2014. There are 155 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Col. H.F. Sickless informs us that there will be new organization of troops in this state under the call for more men.
1889 -- 125 years ago: James Normoyle arrived home after graduating from West Point with honors in the class of 1889. He was to report to Fort Brady, Mich., as second lieutenant in the 23rd Infantry.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Austria Hungary declared war on Serbia. Germany and Austria refused an invitation of Sir Edward Grey to join Great Britain at a mediation conference.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Dr. William Mayo, the last of the three famous Mayo brother surgeons, died at the age of 78.
1964 -- 50 years ago: One of the biggest horse shows of the season was held yesterday at Hillandale Arena on Knoxville Road under the sponsorship of the Illowa Horsemen's Club.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Davenport is like a gigantic carnival this weekend with the Bix Arts Fest taking over 12 square blocks of the downtown area. A festive atmosphere prevailed Friday as thousands of people turned out to sample what the Arts Fest has to offer.








(More History)