Chuckles for March 2005



March 01
Q. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
A. Dam!

March 02
Q. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
A. Quattro Sinko..

March 03
The first time I see a jogger smiling,
I'll consider it.
Joan Rivers (1935 - )

March 04
A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.
Granville Hicks
(1901 - 1982)

March 07
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
--Bill Watterson (1958 - )

March 14
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
--Harry S Truman
(1884-1972)

March 15
Q. Why was the Easter Bunny so upset?
A. He was having a bad hare day!

March 16
Q. What do you call a duck who plays basketball?
A. A slam duck.

March 17
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
-- Leo J. Burke

March 21
Q. Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?
A. It has four rabbits' feet

March 22
Q. How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been?
A. Eggs (X) marks the spot.

March 23
Q. How does the Easter bunny keep his fur neat?
A. With a hare-brush!

March 24
Q. What did the bunny want to do when he grew up?
A. Join the Hare Force.

March 28
Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperatelly? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.
-- Russell Baker

March 29
I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him.
--Galileo Galilei

March 29
I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him.
--Galileo Galilei

March 30
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
--ahajokes.com

March 31
Q. How can you get four suits for a dollar?
A. Buy a deck of cards.

Back: Past Chuckles






Local events heading








  Today is Wednesday, Sept. 17, the 260th day of 2014. There are 105 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: We are told league merchants have paid no attention to the prohibition on selling ammunition, but continue to sell just as before the order was issued.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The Rev. R.F. Sweet, rector of Trinity Episcopal Parish, left for the East to visit his boyhood home in Boston before attending the general convention of the Episcopal Church in New York.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Dr. E.A. Anderson was named to succeed Dr. E.L. Kerns as head physician of the Modern Woodmen of America, and moved to Rock Island from Holdingford, Minn.
1939 -- 75 years ago: One week late, because of the outbreak of war, Dr. E.L. Beyer resumed his work as professor of romance languages at Augustana College. Dr. and Mrs. Beyer left Germany on the last train to the Belgian border.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Employees in Turnstyle stores in Moline and Davenport will vote Oct. 2 in an election set up by the Chicago regional office of the National Labor Relations Board. Employees will vote either for the Retail Clerk International or for no union.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Rock Island High School is considering a step to help teen moms stay in school and get their diploma. The school board is expected to vote tonight on instituting an on-site child care center.




(More History)