Chuckles for March 2005



March 01
Q. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
A. Dam!

March 02
Q. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
A. Quattro Sinko..

March 03
The first time I see a jogger smiling,
I'll consider it.
Joan Rivers (1935 - )

March 04
A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.
Granville Hicks
(1901 - 1982)

March 07
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
--Bill Watterson (1958 - )

March 14
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
--Harry S Truman
(1884-1972)

March 15
Q. Why was the Easter Bunny so upset?
A. He was having a bad hare day!

March 16
Q. What do you call a duck who plays basketball?
A. A slam duck.

March 17
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
-- Leo J. Burke

March 21
Q. Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?
A. It has four rabbits' feet

March 22
Q. How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been?
A. Eggs (X) marks the spot.

March 23
Q. How does the Easter bunny keep his fur neat?
A. With a hare-brush!

March 24
Q. What did the bunny want to do when he grew up?
A. Join the Hare Force.

March 28
Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperatelly? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.
-- Russell Baker

March 29
I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him.
--Galileo Galilei

March 29
I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him.
--Galileo Galilei

March 30
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
--ahajokes.com

March 31
Q. How can you get four suits for a dollar?
A. Buy a deck of cards.

Back: Past Chuckles






Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Sept. 1, the 244th day of 2014. There are 121 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We are informed by J.H. Hull that the reason the street sprinkler was not at work yesterday settling the dust on the streets, was because one of his horses was injured.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Bonnie McGregor, a fleet-footed stallion owned by S.W. Wheelock of this community, covered himself with glory at Lexington, Ky, when he ran a mile in 2:13 1/2. The horse's value was estimated as at least $50,000.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Troops are pouring into Paris to prepare for defense of the city. The German army is reported to be only 60 miles from the capital of France.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The German army has invaded Poland in undeclared warfare. Poland has appealed to Great Britain and France for aid.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Publication of a plant newspaper, the Farmall Works News, has been launched at the Rock Island IHC factory and replaces a managerial newsletter.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Officials predict Monday's Rock Island Labor Parade will be the biggest and best ever. Last minute work continues on floats and costumes for the parade, which steps off a 9:30 a.m.




(More History)