Chuckles for March 2005



March 01
Q. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
A. Dam!

March 02
Q. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
A. Quattro Sinko..

March 03
The first time I see a jogger smiling,
I'll consider it.
Joan Rivers (1935 - )

March 04
A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.
Granville Hicks
(1901 - 1982)

March 07
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
--Bill Watterson (1958 - )

March 14
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
--Harry S Truman
(1884-1972)

March 15
Q. Why was the Easter Bunny so upset?
A. He was having a bad hare day!

March 16
Q. What do you call a duck who plays basketball?
A. A slam duck.

March 17
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
-- Leo J. Burke

March 21
Q. Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?
A. It has four rabbits' feet

March 22
Q. How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been?
A. Eggs (X) marks the spot.

March 23
Q. How does the Easter bunny keep his fur neat?
A. With a hare-brush!

March 24
Q. What did the bunny want to do when he grew up?
A. Join the Hare Force.

March 28
Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperatelly? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.
-- Russell Baker

March 29
I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him.
--Galileo Galilei

March 29
I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him.
--Galileo Galilei

March 30
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
--ahajokes.com

March 31
Q. How can you get four suits for a dollar?
A. Buy a deck of cards.

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Wednesday, April 23, the 113th day of 2014. There are 252 days left in the year.

1864 — 150 years ago: Some persons are negotiating for 80 feet of ground on Illinois Street with a view of erecting four stores thereon. It would serve a better purpose if the money was invested in neat tenement houses.
1889 — 125 years ago: The Central station, car house and stables of the Moline-Rock Island Horse Railway line of the Holmes syndicate, together with 15 cars and 42 head of horses, were destroyed by fire. The loss was at $15,000.
1914 — 100 years ago: Vera Cruz, Mexico, after a day and night of resistance to American forces, gradually ceased opposition. The American forces took complete control of the city.
1939 — 75 years ago: Dr. R. Bruce Collins was reelected for a second term as president of the Lower Rock Island County Tuberculosis Association.
1964 — 50 years ago: Work is scheduled to begin this summer on construction of a new men's residence complex and an addition to the dining facilities at Westerlin Hall at Augustana College.
1989 — 25 years ago: Special Olympics competitors were triple winners at Rock Island High School Saturday. The participants vanquished the rain that fell during the competition, and some won their events; but most important, they triumphed over their own disabilities.




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