Chuckles for February 2005



February 01
There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on.
--Robert Byrne

February 02
"I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet."
-- Erma Bombeck

February 03
Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.

February 04
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Redd Foxx (1922 - 1991)

February 07
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.
--Fran Lebowitz

February 08
There is never enough time, unless you're serving it.
Malcolm Forbes (1919-1990)

February 09
Q: What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards?
A: Dill me in!

February 10
Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
A: It barked with de-light!

February 11
The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
--ahajokes.com

February 14
Q. What did the boy light bulb say to the girl light bulb on Valentine's Day?
A. I wuv you watts and watts!

February 15
My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia.
-- Dame Edna Everage(1934 - )

February 16
Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.
-- H. L. Mencken

February 17
I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues.
Duke Ellington (1899 - 1974)

February 18
Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong.
-- Dandemis

February 21
Q: What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?
A: Ape Lincoln!

February 22
Q: Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water?
A: Just spell "Evian" backwards!

February 23
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
--jokesgalore.com

February 24
Q. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A. A Nervous Wreck!

February 25
Q. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
A. Unique Up On It.
Q. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
A. Tame Way, Unique Up On It.

February 28
I'm still an atheist, thank God.
-- Luis Bunuel (1900 - 1983)

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Oct. 20, the 293rd day of 2014. There are 72 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The store of Devoe and Crampton was entered and robbed of about $500 worth of gold pens and pocket cutlery last night.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Michael Malloy was named president of the Tri-City Stone Cutters Union.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Dewitte C. Poole, former Moline newspaperman serving as vice consul general for the United States government in Paris, declared in a letter to friends that the once gay Paris is a city of sadness and desolation.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Plans for the construction of an $80,000 wholesale bakery at 2011 4th Ave. were announced by Harry and Nick Coin, of Rock Island. It is to be known as the Banquet Bakery.
1964 -- 50 years ago: An application has been filed for a state permit to organize a savings and loan association in Moline, it was announced. The applicants are Ben Butterworth, A.B. Lundahl, C. Richard Evans, John Harris, George Crampton and William Getz, all of Moline, Charles Roberts, Rock Island, and Charles Johnson, of Hampton.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Indian summer is quickly disappearing as temperatures slide into the 40s and 50s this week. Last week, highs were in the 80s.


(More History)