Chuckles for February 2005



February 01
There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on.
--Robert Byrne

February 02
"I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet."
-- Erma Bombeck

February 03
Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.

February 04
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Redd Foxx (1922 - 1991)

February 07
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.
--Fran Lebowitz

February 08
There is never enough time, unless you're serving it.
Malcolm Forbes (1919-1990)

February 09
Q: What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards?
A: Dill me in!

February 10
Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
A: It barked with de-light!

February 11
The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
--ahajokes.com

February 14
Q. What did the boy light bulb say to the girl light bulb on Valentine's Day?
A. I wuv you watts and watts!

February 15
My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia.
-- Dame Edna Everage(1934 - )

February 16
Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.
-- H. L. Mencken

February 17
I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues.
Duke Ellington (1899 - 1974)

February 18
Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong.
-- Dandemis

February 21
Q: What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?
A: Ape Lincoln!

February 22
Q: Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water?
A: Just spell "Evian" backwards!

February 23
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
--jokesgalore.com

February 24
Q. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A. A Nervous Wreck!

February 25
Q. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
A. Unique Up On It.
Q. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
A. Tame Way, Unique Up On It.

February 28
I'm still an atheist, thank God.
-- Luis Bunuel (1900 - 1983)

Back: Past Chuckles






Local events heading








  Today is Sunday, Aug. 31, the 243rd day of 2014. There are 122 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The Chicago and Rock Island Railroad will carry all who wish to attend the Chicago convention for half fare — that is, full fare to Chicago and return free.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Hardy Hetter, for several years yardmaster in the Burlington Railroad yards in Rock Island and Moline, was transferred to Beardstown. He was succeeded here by J.E. Albrecht.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Corn was estimated at 50 percent of the normal crop in Rock Island County by Crop Correspondent Thomas Campbell.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Robert Carroll, 12-year-old son of Mr. and Mrs. Farr Carroll, of near Aledo, won the grand championship of the Mercer County baby beef show with "Fat Stuff."
1964 -- 50 years ago: About 250 persons attended the first in a series of horse shows at the Hillandale Stables off Knoxville Road near Milan on Saturday afternoon and evening.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Ground was broken this morning for the $4.5 million Rock Valley Business Park near Rock Valley Plaza, Rock Island. The first building is 17,000 square feet for offices and a warehouse and should be completed by Dec. 1.




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