Chuckles for February 2005



February 01
There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on.
--Robert Byrne

February 02
"I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet."
-- Erma Bombeck

February 03
Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.

February 04
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Redd Foxx (1922 - 1991)

February 07
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.
--Fran Lebowitz

February 08
There is never enough time, unless you're serving it.
Malcolm Forbes (1919-1990)

February 09
Q: What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards?
A: Dill me in!

February 10
Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
A: It barked with de-light!

February 11
The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
--ahajokes.com

February 14
Q. What did the boy light bulb say to the girl light bulb on Valentine's Day?
A. I wuv you watts and watts!

February 15
My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia.
-- Dame Edna Everage(1934 - )

February 16
Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.
-- H. L. Mencken

February 17
I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues.
Duke Ellington (1899 - 1974)

February 18
Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong.
-- Dandemis

February 21
Q: What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?
A: Ape Lincoln!

February 22
Q: Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water?
A: Just spell "Evian" backwards!

February 23
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
--jokesgalore.com

February 24
Q. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A. A Nervous Wreck!

February 25
Q. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
A. Unique Up On It.
Q. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
A. Tame Way, Unique Up On It.

February 28
I'm still an atheist, thank God.
-- Luis Bunuel (1900 - 1983)

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Local events heading








  Today is Saturday, April 19, the 109th day of 2014. There are 256 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Miss McCorkindale has opened millinery rooms over Gimbel's dry goods store, where she offers a choice lot of millinery goods, which she will manufacture to order.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The little South Park Presbyterian chapel celebrated it first Easter decorated with flowers for an afternoon worship service attended by a large congregation.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The Wennerberg Chorus of Augustana College has returned from a 2,000-mile tour in the Eastern states and Illinois.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Col. Charles Lindbergh has stated that he is convinced that Germany's air force is equal to the combined sky fleets of her potential European foes.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Small gas motors may be permitted on boats in the lake to be built in Loud Thunder Forest Preserve. The prospect was discussed yesterday at a meeting of the Rock Island County Forest Preserve Commission.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The annual Dispatch/Rock Island Argus Spelling Bee continues to be a family tradition. Ed Lee, an eighth-grader at John Deere Junior High School, Moline, is the 1989 spelling bee champion from among 49 top spellers in Rock Island, Henry and Mercer counties. He advances to the competition in Washington, D.C. Runnerup was Ed's sister, Susan.






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