LOCAL FOOTBALL SCORING UPDATES PRESENTED BY THE HUNGRY HOBO:

Chuckles for January 2005



January 03
There are no rules around here. We're trying to accomplish something.
--Thomas Edison,
(remarking about his laboratory)

January 04
Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it.
--ahajokes.com

January 05
How do snowmen travel around?
By iceicle!
--ahajokes.com

January 06
Q. How many balls of string would it take to reach the moon?
A. Just one if it's long enough!
--ahajokes.com

January 07
Q. Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?
A. Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall over!
--ahajokes.com

January 10
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
Jerry Seinfeld (1954 - )

January 11
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
--Mark Russell

January 12
No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.
-- Michael Pritchard

January 13
Everyone is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes.
Edgard Varese(1883-1965)

January 13
Everyone is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes.
Edgard Varese(1883-1965)

January 14
Q. What cheese is made backwards?
A. Edam!

January 17
The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
--ahajokes.com

January 18
Interchangeable parts won't.
--ahajokes.com

January 19
Q. How can you get four suits for a dollar?
A. Buy a deck of cards.

January 20
Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.
--Laurence J. Peter
(1919 - 1988)

January 21
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I'll waste no time reading it.
--Moses Hadas

January 24
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Johnny Carson
(1925 - 2005)

January 25
Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
-- Unknown

January 26
A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
"I'm wasting my time," she said to her mother.
"I can't read, I can't write - and they won't let me talk!"
--ahajokes.com

January 27
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
--jokesandhumor.com

January 28
Life is too short for traffic.
-- Dan Bellack

January 31
Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.
ahajokes.com

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Saturday, Sept. 20, the 263rd day of 2014. There are 102 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Recruits can get $500 by enlisting now. Lt Jobe has a recruiting office on Illinois Street.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Superintendent Schnitger formally inaugurated the Rock Island and Davenport Railway Line of the Holmes system by putting on four cars to start.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Wires of the defunct Union Electric Co. are being removed by city electricians.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The Bishop Hill softball team won the championship in WHB"S Mississippi Valley tournament at Douglas Park.
1964 -- 50 years ago: A boom in apartment construction has hit Rock Island, with approximately 300 units either in or near the construction stage or due for an early rezoning decision.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Members of the Bi-State Metropolitan Planning Commission are hoping to revive their push for a new $70 million four-lane bridge spanning the Mississippi River.






(More History)