Chuckles for January 2005



January 03
There are no rules around here. We're trying to accomplish something.
--Thomas Edison,
(remarking about his laboratory)

January 04
Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it.
--ahajokes.com

January 05
How do snowmen travel around?
By iceicle!
--ahajokes.com

January 06
Q. How many balls of string would it take to reach the moon?
A. Just one if it's long enough!
--ahajokes.com

January 07
Q. Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?
A. Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall over!
--ahajokes.com

January 10
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
Jerry Seinfeld (1954 - )

January 11
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
--Mark Russell

January 12
No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.
-- Michael Pritchard

January 13
Everyone is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes.
Edgard Varese(1883-1965)

January 13
Everyone is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes.
Edgard Varese(1883-1965)

January 14
Q. What cheese is made backwards?
A. Edam!

January 17
The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
--ahajokes.com

January 18
Interchangeable parts won't.
--ahajokes.com

January 19
Q. How can you get four suits for a dollar?
A. Buy a deck of cards.

January 20
Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.
--Laurence J. Peter
(1919 - 1988)

January 21
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I'll waste no time reading it.
--Moses Hadas

January 24
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Johnny Carson
(1925 - 2005)

January 25
Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
-- Unknown

January 26
A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
"I'm wasting my time," she said to her mother.
"I can't read, I can't write - and they won't let me talk!"
--ahajokes.com

January 27
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
--jokesandhumor.com

January 28
Life is too short for traffic.
-- Dan Bellack

January 31
Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.
ahajokes.com

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Friday, Aug. 1, the 213th day of 2014. There are 152 days left in the year.

1864 — 150 years ago: A mad dog was shot in Davenport after biting several other canines and snapping at several children. The police should abate this nuisance — there are about 500 dogs in this city that ought to be killed at once.
1889 — 125 years ago: Track laying operations on 2nd Avenue, stopped by the Moline-Rock Island company last spring for lack of rail, have been resumed.
1914 — 100 years ago: Bulletins allowed to come through the strong continental censorship of all war news indicated that Germany was advancing with a dash against both Russia and France.
1939 — 75 years ago: Emil J Klein, of Rock Island, was elected commander of Rock Island Post 200, American Legion.
1964 — 50 years ago: Members of the Davenport police department and their families are being invited to the department's family picnic to be held Aug. 27 at the Mississippi Valley Fairgrounds.
1989 — 25 years ago: Beginning this fall, Black Hawk College will offer a continuing education course in horseback riding at the Wright Way Equestrian Center, Moline, located just east of the Deere Administration Center.




(More History)