Chuckles for January 2005



January 03
There are no rules around here. We're trying to accomplish something.
--Thomas Edison,
(remarking about his laboratory)

January 04
Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it.
--ahajokes.com

January 05
How do snowmen travel around?
By iceicle!
--ahajokes.com

January 06
Q. How many balls of string would it take to reach the moon?
A. Just one if it's long enough!
--ahajokes.com

January 07
Q. Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?
A. Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall over!
--ahajokes.com

January 10
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
Jerry Seinfeld (1954 - )

January 11
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
--Mark Russell

January 12
No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.
-- Michael Pritchard

January 13
Everyone is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes.
Edgard Varese(1883-1965)

January 13
Everyone is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes.
Edgard Varese(1883-1965)

January 14
Q. What cheese is made backwards?
A. Edam!

January 17
The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
--ahajokes.com

January 18
Interchangeable parts won't.
--ahajokes.com

January 19
Q. How can you get four suits for a dollar?
A. Buy a deck of cards.

January 20
Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.
--Laurence J. Peter
(1919 - 1988)

January 21
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I'll waste no time reading it.
--Moses Hadas

January 24
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Johnny Carson
(1925 - 2005)

January 25
Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
-- Unknown

January 26
A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
"I'm wasting my time," she said to her mother.
"I can't read, I can't write - and they won't let me talk!"
--ahajokes.com

January 27
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
--jokesandhumor.com

January 28
Life is too short for traffic.
-- Dan Bellack

January 31
Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.
ahajokes.com

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Wednesday, Oct. 1, the 274th day of 2014. There are 91 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: It is rumored in the streets that the 13 negroes sent to Quincy on the Moline quota were refused. We think this must be a mistake.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Harvey McKenna, of Detroit, billiard player matched to play Wizard Schafer in New York in January for the world championship, was a professional friend and manager, Billy Catton in Rock Island.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Levi Cralle, former Rock Island county sheriff, had come from his farm near Mitchell, S.D. to visit friends in the city.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Work is being rushed on the new high school building in Orion to replace the one destroyed by fire last winter. Classes are being held in churches.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Rehearsals for the 84th season of the Handel Oratorio Society chorus will begin at 7:30 p.m. Monday on the stage of Centennial Hall, Augustana College.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Rock Island City Council's plan announced this week to have the federal government vacate Valley Homes public housing and move residents to Arsenal Courts to reduce density may not be feasible.






(More History)