Chuckles for January 2005



January 03
There are no rules around here. We're trying to accomplish something.
--Thomas Edison,
(remarking about his laboratory)

January 04
Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it.
--ahajokes.com

January 05
How do snowmen travel around?
By iceicle!
--ahajokes.com

January 06
Q. How many balls of string would it take to reach the moon?
A. Just one if it's long enough!
--ahajokes.com

January 07
Q. Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?
A. Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall over!
--ahajokes.com

January 10
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
Jerry Seinfeld (1954 - )

January 11
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
--Mark Russell

January 12
No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.
-- Michael Pritchard

January 13
Everyone is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes.
Edgard Varese(1883-1965)

January 13
Everyone is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes.
Edgard Varese(1883-1965)

January 14
Q. What cheese is made backwards?
A. Edam!

January 17
The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
--ahajokes.com

January 18
Interchangeable parts won't.
--ahajokes.com

January 19
Q. How can you get four suits for a dollar?
A. Buy a deck of cards.

January 20
Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.
--Laurence J. Peter
(1919 - 1988)

January 21
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I'll waste no time reading it.
--Moses Hadas

January 24
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Johnny Carson
(1925 - 2005)

January 25
Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
-- Unknown

January 26
A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
"I'm wasting my time," she said to her mother.
"I can't read, I can't write - and they won't let me talk!"
--ahajokes.com

January 27
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
--jokesandhumor.com

January 28
Life is too short for traffic.
-- Dan Bellack

January 31
Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.
ahajokes.com

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Tuesday, July 22, the 203rd day of 2014. There are 162 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Everybody is invited to go on a moonlight excursion next Monday evening on the steamer New Boston. The trip will be from Davenport to Muscatine and back.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The mayor and bridge committee let a contract to the Clinton Bridge company for a $1,125 iron bridge across Sears canal near Milan.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Injunction proceedings to compel the Central Association to keep a baseball team in Rock Island for the remainder of the season were contemplated by some of the Rock Island fans, but they decided to defer action.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The first of the new and more powerful diesel engines built for the Rock Island Lines for the proposed Chicago-Denver run, passed thru the Tri-Cities this morning.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The Rock Island Rescue Mission is negotiating for the purchase of the Prince Hall Masonic Home located at 37th Avenue and 5th Street, Rock Island.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Quad Cities Container Terminal is being lauded as a giant business boon that will save several days and hundreds of dollars on each goods shipment to the coasts. The Quad Cities Container Terminal is the final piece of the puzzle that opens up increase access to world markets, Robert Goldstein said.








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