Chuckles for December 2004



December 01
Dad will never say...
"No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall."
--ahajokes.com

December 02
Dad will never say...
"Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend."
--ahajokes.com

December 03
Dad will never say...
"Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party."
--ahajokes.com

December 06
Dad will never say...
"Your You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?"
--ahajokes.com

December 07
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION..."Just wait until your father gets home."
--ahajokes.com

December 08
My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE..."What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"
--ahajokes.com

December 09
In 1900, if a father had breakfast in bed, it was eggs and bacon and ham and potatoes. Today, it's Special K, soy milk, dry toast and a lecture on cholesterol.
--ahajokes.com

December 10
Place two children in a room full of toys and they will both want to play with the same toy.
--ahajokes.com

December 13
Money can't buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy.
--Spike Milligan

December 13
Q.How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? ?
A.Unique Up On It.

December 14
How to maintain a healthy level of insanity in the workplace:
Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
--ahajokes.com

December 15
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins-if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.
--ahajokes.com

December 16
Q.Who delivers cat's Christmas presents?
A.Santa Paws!

December 17
Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. Snowballs!

December 20
Q. How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A. Fleece Navidad!
(ahajokes.com)

December 21
Q. What do snowmen eat for lunch?
A. Icebergers!
(ahajokes.com)

December 21
Q. What do snowmen eat for lunch?
A. Icebergers!
(ahajokes.com)

December 22
Q. Where do you find reindeer?
A. It depends on where you leave them!
(ahajokes.com)

December 23
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow business like show business!
(ahajokes.com)

December 27
People will buy anything that is one to a customer. Sinclair Lewis (1885 - 1951)

December 27
People will buy anything that is one to a customer. Sinclair Lewis (1885 - 1951)

December 28
Cherish all your happy moments: they make a fine cushion for old age.
Christopher Morley
(1890 - 1957)

December 29
Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
--Susan Ertz

December 30
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
--Milton Berle

December 30
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
--Milton Berle

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Oct. 20, the 293rd day of 2014. There are 72 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The store of Devoe and Crampton was entered and robbed of about $500 worth of gold pens and pocket cutlery last night.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Michael Malloy was named president of the Tri-City Stone Cutters Union.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Dewitte C. Poole, former Moline newspaperman serving as vice consul general for the United States government in Paris, declared in a letter to friends that the once gay Paris is a city of sadness and desolation.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Plans for the construction of an $80,000 wholesale bakery at 2011 4th Ave. were announced by Harry and Nick Coin, of Rock Island. It is to be known as the Banquet Bakery.
1964 -- 50 years ago: An application has been filed for a state permit to organize a savings and loan association in Moline, it was announced. The applicants are Ben Butterworth, A.B. Lundahl, C. Richard Evans, John Harris, George Crampton and William Getz, all of Moline, Charles Roberts, Rock Island, and Charles Johnson, of Hampton.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Indian summer is quickly disappearing as temperatures slide into the 40s and 50s this week. Last week, highs were in the 80s.


(More History)