Chuckles for December 2004



December 01
Dad will never say...
"No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall."
--ahajokes.com

December 02
Dad will never say...
"Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend."
--ahajokes.com

December 03
Dad will never say...
"Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party."
--ahajokes.com

December 06
Dad will never say...
"Your You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?"
--ahajokes.com

December 07
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION..."Just wait until your father gets home."
--ahajokes.com

December 08
My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE..."What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"
--ahajokes.com

December 09
In 1900, if a father had breakfast in bed, it was eggs and bacon and ham and potatoes. Today, it's Special K, soy milk, dry toast and a lecture on cholesterol.
--ahajokes.com

December 10
Place two children in a room full of toys and they will both want to play with the same toy.
--ahajokes.com

December 13
Money can't buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy.
--Spike Milligan

December 13
Q.How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? ?
A.Unique Up On It.

December 14
How to maintain a healthy level of insanity in the workplace:
Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
--ahajokes.com

December 15
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins-if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.
--ahajokes.com

December 16
Q.Who delivers cat's Christmas presents?
A.Santa Paws!

December 17
Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. Snowballs!

December 20
Q. How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A. Fleece Navidad!
(ahajokes.com)

December 21
Q. What do snowmen eat for lunch?
A. Icebergers!
(ahajokes.com)

December 21
Q. What do snowmen eat for lunch?
A. Icebergers!
(ahajokes.com)

December 22
Q. Where do you find reindeer?
A. It depends on where you leave them!
(ahajokes.com)

December 23
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow business like show business!
(ahajokes.com)

December 27
People will buy anything that is one to a customer. Sinclair Lewis (1885 - 1951)

December 27
People will buy anything that is one to a customer. Sinclair Lewis (1885 - 1951)

December 28
Cherish all your happy moments: they make a fine cushion for old age.
Christopher Morley
(1890 - 1957)

December 29
Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
--Susan Ertz

December 30
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
--Milton Berle

December 30
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
--Milton Berle

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Wednesday, April 23, the 113th day of 2014. There are 252 days left in the year.

1864 — 150 years ago: Some persons are negotiating for 80 feet of ground on Illinois Street with a view of erecting four stores thereon. It would serve a better purpose if the money was invested in neat tenement houses.
1889 — 125 years ago: The Central station, car house and stables of the Moline-Rock Island Horse Railway line of the Holmes syndicate, together with 15 cars and 42 head of horses, were destroyed by fire. The loss was at $15,000.
1914 — 100 years ago: Vera Cruz, Mexico, after a day and night of resistance to American forces, gradually ceased opposition. The American forces took complete control of the city.
1939 — 75 years ago: Dr. R. Bruce Collins was reelected for a second term as president of the Lower Rock Island County Tuberculosis Association.
1964 — 50 years ago: Work is scheduled to begin this summer on construction of a new men's residence complex and an addition to the dining facilities at Westerlin Hall at Augustana College.
1989 — 25 years ago: Special Olympics competitors were triple winners at Rock Island High School Saturday. The participants vanquished the rain that fell during the competition, and some won their events; but most important, they triumphed over their own disabilities.




(More History)