Chuckles for November 2004



November 01
It's not the voting that's democracy, it's the counting.
Tom Stoppard (1937 - )

November 02
A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with 'Once Upon A Time'?"
He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If elected I promise'."
(ahajokes.com)

November 03
Vote early and vote often.
Al Capone (1899 - 1947)

November 04
Patient: Doctor, Doctor I dream there are monsters under my bed, what can I do?
Doctor: Saw the legs off of your bed!
(www.kidsjokes.co.uk)

November 05
Q. Why should you never talk like a turkey?
A. Because it's bad to use fowl language!
(www.kidsjokes.co.uk)

November 08
Q. What's the best way to stuff a turkey?
A. Take him out for pizza and ice cream!
(www.kidsjokes.co.uk)

November 09
Q. How can you tell a male turkey from a female turkey?
A. The male is the one holding the remote control!
(www.kidsjokes.co.uk)

November 10
Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.
David Letterman (1947- )

November 11
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
(Farmer's Almanac, 1978)

November 12
Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...
15. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

November 15
Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...
14. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
(ahajokes.com)

November 16
Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...
13. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
(ahajokes.com)

November 17
Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...
12. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
(ahajokes.com)

November 18
Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...
11. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"
(ahajokes.com)

November 19
Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs.
--Christopher Hampton

November 22
Q. What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
A. Plymouth Rock

November 23
Q. What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
A. Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving

November 24
Q. What's the best way to stuff a turkey?
A. Take him out for pizza and ice cream!

November 26
When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
Franklin D. Roosevelt

November 29
When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"
Mom smiled and then replied....."Oh, I remember...."
--funny.com

November 30
Dad will never say...
Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.
--ahajokes.com

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  Today is Saturday, April 19, the 109th day of 2014. There are 256 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Miss McCorkindale has opened millinery rooms over Gimbel's dry goods store, where she offers a choice lot of millinery goods, which she will manufacture to order.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The little South Park Presbyterian chapel celebrated it first Easter decorated with flowers for an afternoon worship service attended by a large congregation.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The Wennerberg Chorus of Augustana College has returned from a 2,000-mile tour in the Eastern states and Illinois.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Col. Charles Lindbergh has stated that he is convinced that Germany's air force is equal to the combined sky fleets of her potential European foes.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Small gas motors may be permitted on boats in the lake to be built in Loud Thunder Forest Preserve. The prospect was discussed yesterday at a meeting of the Rock Island County Forest Preserve Commission.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The annual Dispatch/Rock Island Argus Spelling Bee continues to be a family tradition. Ed Lee, an eighth-grader at John Deere Junior High School, Moline, is the 1989 spelling bee champion from among 49 top spellers in Rock Island, Henry and Mercer counties. He advances to the competition in Washington, D.C. Runnerup was Ed's sister, Susan.






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