Chuckles for November 2004



November 01
It's not the voting that's democracy, it's the counting.
Tom Stoppard (1937 - )

November 02
A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with 'Once Upon A Time'?"
He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If elected I promise'."
(ahajokes.com)

November 03
Vote early and vote often.
Al Capone (1899 - 1947)

November 04
Patient: Doctor, Doctor I dream there are monsters under my bed, what can I do?
Doctor: Saw the legs off of your bed!
(www.kidsjokes.co.uk)

November 05
Q. Why should you never talk like a turkey?
A. Because it's bad to use fowl language!
(www.kidsjokes.co.uk)

November 08
Q. What's the best way to stuff a turkey?
A. Take him out for pizza and ice cream!
(www.kidsjokes.co.uk)

November 09
Q. How can you tell a male turkey from a female turkey?
A. The male is the one holding the remote control!
(www.kidsjokes.co.uk)

November 10
Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.
David Letterman (1947- )

November 11
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
(Farmer's Almanac, 1978)

November 12
Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...
15. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

November 15
Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...
14. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
(ahajokes.com)

November 16
Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...
13. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
(ahajokes.com)

November 17
Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...
12. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
(ahajokes.com)

November 18
Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...
11. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"
(ahajokes.com)

November 19
Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs.
--Christopher Hampton

November 22
Q. What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
A. Plymouth Rock

November 23
Q. What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
A. Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving

November 24
Q. What's the best way to stuff a turkey?
A. Take him out for pizza and ice cream!

November 26
When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
Franklin D. Roosevelt

November 29
When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"
Mom smiled and then replied....."Oh, I remember...."
--funny.com

November 30
Dad will never say...
Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.
--ahajokes.com

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Oct. 20, the 293rd day of 2014. There are 72 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The store of Devoe and Crampton was entered and robbed of about $500 worth of gold pens and pocket cutlery last night.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Michael Malloy was named president of the Tri-City Stone Cutters Union.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Dewitte C. Poole, former Moline newspaperman serving as vice consul general for the United States government in Paris, declared in a letter to friends that the once gay Paris is a city of sadness and desolation.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Plans for the construction of an $80,000 wholesale bakery at 2011 4th Ave. were announced by Harry and Nick Coin, of Rock Island. It is to be known as the Banquet Bakery.
1964 -- 50 years ago: An application has been filed for a state permit to organize a savings and loan association in Moline, it was announced. The applicants are Ben Butterworth, A.B. Lundahl, C. Richard Evans, John Harris, George Crampton and William Getz, all of Moline, Charles Roberts, Rock Island, and Charles Johnson, of Hampton.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Indian summer is quickly disappearing as temperatures slide into the 40s and 50s this week. Last week, highs were in the 80s.


(More History)