Chuckles for September 2004



September 01
It doesn't matter whether you win or lose,
until you lose.
--ahajokes.com

September 02
O Lord, help me to be pure,
but not yet.
-- Saint Augustine

September 07
In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.
--Laurence J. Peter

September 08
Is there life before coffee?
--ahajokes.com

September 09
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
-- Unknown

September 10
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch.
-- Orson Welles (1915-1985)

September 13
Four-wheel-drive just means getting stuck in more inaccessible places.
--ahajokes.com

September 14
If flattery gets you nowhere, try bribery.
--ahajokes.com

September 15
Cats regard people as warmblooded furniture.
-- Jacquelyn Mitchard

September 16
Lack of money is the root of all evil.
George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)

September 17
Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.
-- George Ade

September 17
Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to.
-- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

September 20
Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you? Pupil: Not very much!
--ahajokes.com

September 21
Half of being smart is knowing what you are dumb at.
--ahajokes.com

September 22
The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces.
-- Maureen Murphy

September 23
Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.
-- Russell Baker (1925 - )

September 24
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
-- Jane Caminos

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Thursday, July 24, the 205th day of 2014. There are 160 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The Rev. R.J. Humphrey, once a clergyman in this city, was reported killed in a quarrel in New Orleans.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The Rock Island Citizens Improvement Association held a special meeting to consider the proposition of consolidating Rock Island and Moline.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The home of A. Freeman, 806 3rd Ave., was entered by a burglar while a circus parade was in progress and about $100 worth of jewelry and $5 in cash were taken.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The million dollar dredge, Rock Island, of the Rock Island district of United States engineers will be in this area this week to deepen the channel at the site of the new Rock Island-Davenport bridge.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The Argus "walked" to a 13-0 victory over American Container Corporation last night to clinch the championship of Rock Island's A Softball League at Northwest Douglas Park.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Immediate Care Center emergency medical office at South Park Mall is moving back to United Medical Center on Sept. 1. After nearly six years in operation at the mall, Care Center employees are upset by UMC's decision. The center is used by 700 to 800 people each month.








(More History)