Chuckles for September 2004



September 01
It doesn't matter whether you win or lose,
until you lose.
--ahajokes.com

September 02
O Lord, help me to be pure,
but not yet.
-- Saint Augustine

September 07
In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.
--Laurence J. Peter

September 08
Is there life before coffee?
--ahajokes.com

September 09
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
-- Unknown

September 10
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch.
-- Orson Welles (1915-1985)

September 13
Four-wheel-drive just means getting stuck in more inaccessible places.
--ahajokes.com

September 14
If flattery gets you nowhere, try bribery.
--ahajokes.com

September 15
Cats regard people as warmblooded furniture.
-- Jacquelyn Mitchard

September 16
Lack of money is the root of all evil.
George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)

September 17
Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.
-- George Ade

September 17
Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to.
-- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

September 20
Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you? Pupil: Not very much!
--ahajokes.com

September 21
Half of being smart is knowing what you are dumb at.
--ahajokes.com

September 22
The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces.
-- Maureen Murphy

September 23
Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.
-- Russell Baker (1925 - )

September 24
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
-- Jane Caminos

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Wednesday, April 23, the 113th day of 2014. There are 252 days left in the year.

1864 — 150 years ago: Some persons are negotiating for 80 feet of ground on Illinois Street with a view of erecting four stores thereon. It would serve a better purpose if the money was invested in neat tenement houses.
1889 — 125 years ago: The Central station, car house and stables of the Moline-Rock Island Horse Railway line of the Holmes syndicate, together with 15 cars and 42 head of horses, were destroyed by fire. The loss was at $15,000.
1914 — 100 years ago: Vera Cruz, Mexico, after a day and night of resistance to American forces, gradually ceased opposition. The American forces took complete control of the city.
1939 — 75 years ago: Dr. R. Bruce Collins was reelected for a second term as president of the Lower Rock Island County Tuberculosis Association.
1964 — 50 years ago: Work is scheduled to begin this summer on construction of a new men's residence complex and an addition to the dining facilities at Westerlin Hall at Augustana College.
1989 — 25 years ago: Special Olympics competitors were triple winners at Rock Island High School Saturday. The participants vanquished the rain that fell during the competition, and some won their events; but most important, they triumphed over their own disabilities.




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