Chuckles for September 2004



September 01
It doesn't matter whether you win or lose,
until you lose.
--ahajokes.com

September 02
O Lord, help me to be pure,
but not yet.
-- Saint Augustine

September 07
In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.
--Laurence J. Peter

September 08
Is there life before coffee?
--ahajokes.com

September 09
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
-- Unknown

September 10
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch.
-- Orson Welles (1915-1985)

September 13
Four-wheel-drive just means getting stuck in more inaccessible places.
--ahajokes.com

September 14
If flattery gets you nowhere, try bribery.
--ahajokes.com

September 15
Cats regard people as warmblooded furniture.
-- Jacquelyn Mitchard

September 16
Lack of money is the root of all evil.
George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)

September 17
Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.
-- George Ade

September 17
Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to.
-- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

September 20
Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you? Pupil: Not very much!
--ahajokes.com

September 21
Half of being smart is knowing what you are dumb at.
--ahajokes.com

September 22
The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces.
-- Maureen Murphy

September 23
Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.
-- Russell Baker (1925 - )

September 24
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
-- Jane Caminos

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Friday, April 18, the 108th day of 2014. There are 257 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: A new steamer, Keithsburg, now is at our levee taking on board the balance of her fixtures preparatory to assuming her position on the daily Rock Island and Keokuk line.
1889 -- 125 years ago: C.W. Hawes was appointed deputy county clerk by county clerk Donaldson.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Mrs. O.E. child, of Moline, was named president of the Women's Home Missionary Society of the Methodist Church Rock Island District of the Central Illinois conference.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Augustana College is making plans for a drive for funds to erect a field house and make football field improvements.
1964 -- 50 years ago: A expanded election coverage system featuring a 16-foot chalkboard showing up to the minute running totals, attracted a large and enthusiastic crowd to The Argus newsroom last night.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Balloons frame Rock Island attorney Stewart Winstein who was given a surprise party in the rotunda of the Rock Island County Courthouse on Thursday to honor his 50th year of practicing law.




(More History)