Chuckles for September 2004



September 01
It doesn't matter whether you win or lose,
until you lose.
--ahajokes.com

September 02
O Lord, help me to be pure,
but not yet.
-- Saint Augustine

September 07
In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.
--Laurence J. Peter

September 08
Is there life before coffee?
--ahajokes.com

September 09
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
-- Unknown

September 10
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch.
-- Orson Welles (1915-1985)

September 13
Four-wheel-drive just means getting stuck in more inaccessible places.
--ahajokes.com

September 14
If flattery gets you nowhere, try bribery.
--ahajokes.com

September 15
Cats regard people as warmblooded furniture.
-- Jacquelyn Mitchard

September 16
Lack of money is the root of all evil.
George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)

September 17
Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.
-- George Ade

September 17
Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to.
-- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

September 20
Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you? Pupil: Not very much!
--ahajokes.com

September 21
Half of being smart is knowing what you are dumb at.
--ahajokes.com

September 22
The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces.
-- Maureen Murphy

September 23
Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.
-- Russell Baker (1925 - )

September 24
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
-- Jane Caminos

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Wednesday, Aug. 20, the 232nd day of 2014. There are 133 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: Quite a number of Negroes have lately been brought here by abolition offers returning from the army in violation of the laws of the state.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Miss Tillie Denkmann, of Rock Island, was making plans to accompany a Davenport family on a tour of Europe.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The German advance into Belgium was going apparently without serious check. The American ambassador at Berlin published a denial of the charge that Americans had been ill-treated in Germany.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Seventy-two members of Rock Island High School's 1939 graduating class are preparing to enter college — 34 of them at Augustana.
1964 -- 50 years ago: One of the oldest buildings in Milan, which for a number of years has housed the Milan Hotel, will be razed to make way for a modern, two-story office structure.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Some are blaming it on the sudden influx of insects and the extreme humidity. Still others say the invasion was inspired by a recent movie. But whatever the reason, the Quad-Cities is swarming with bats.




(More History)