Chuckles for August 2004

August 02
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
--ahajokes.com

August 03
Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
-- Unknown

August 04
Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.
-- Arthur Miller

August 04
Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.
-- Arthur Miller

August 05
Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center.
--ahajokes.com

August 06
Teacher: This is the third time I've had to tell you off this week, what have you got to say about that?
Pupil: Thank heavens it's Friday!

August 09
The number of people watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
--ahajokes.com

August 10
Ever notice how irons have a setting for *permanent* press? I don't get it...
--ahajokes.com

August 11
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
--ahajokes.com

August 12
Join in the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called "Bureaucracy". Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do anything loses.
--ahajokes.com

August 13
If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that gets old real fast.
--ahajokes.com

August 16
Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein.
--Joe Theismann, Former quarterback

August 17
Teachers deserve a lot of credit. Of course, if we paid them more, they wouldn’t need it.
--jokesnjokes.net

August 18
The Definition of an Upgrade:
Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
--ahajokes.com

August 19
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
--Groucho Marx

August 20
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school.
--ahajokes.com

August 23
My grandma says she has eyes in the back of her head... I hope it's not hereditary
--ahajokes.com

August 24
I got tired of calling the movies to listen to what is playing so I bought the album.
--ahajokes.com

August 25
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
-- Franklin P. Jones

August 26
Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.
--ahajokes.com

August 27
A bad day at work is better than a good day in hell.
-- (boardofwisdom.com)

August 30
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

August 31
This guy is walking with his friend, who happens to be a psychologist. He says to this friend,
"I'm a walking economy."
The friend asks, "How so?"
"My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!"
--ahajokes.com

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