Chuckles for August 2004



August 02
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
--ahajokes.com

August 03
Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
-- Unknown

August 04
Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.
-- Arthur Miller

August 04
Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.
-- Arthur Miller

August 05
Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center.
--ahajokes.com

August 06
Teacher: This is the third time I've had to tell you off this week, what have you got to say about that?
Pupil: Thank heavens it's Friday!

August 09
The number of people watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
--ahajokes.com

August 10
Ever notice how irons have a setting for *permanent* press? I don't get it...
--ahajokes.com

August 11
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
--ahajokes.com

August 12
Join in the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called "Bureaucracy". Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do anything loses.
--ahajokes.com

August 13
If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that gets old real fast.
--ahajokes.com

August 16
Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein.
--Joe Theismann, Former quarterback

August 17
Teachers deserve a lot of credit. Of course, if we paid them more, they wouldn’t need it.
--jokesnjokes.net

August 18
The Definition of an Upgrade:
Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
--ahajokes.com

August 19
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
--Groucho Marx

August 20
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school.
--ahajokes.com

August 23
My grandma says she has eyes in the back of her head... I hope it's not hereditary
--ahajokes.com

August 24
I got tired of calling the movies to listen to what is playing so I bought the album.
--ahajokes.com

August 25
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
-- Franklin P. Jones

August 26
Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.
--ahajokes.com

August 27
A bad day at work is better than a good day in hell.
-- (boardofwisdom.com)

August 30
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

August 31
This guy is walking with his friend, who happens to be a psychologist. He says to this friend,
"I'm a walking economy."
The friend asks, "How so?"
"My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!"
--ahajokes.com

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Local events heading








  Today is Thursday, April 17, the 107th day of 2014. There are 258 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Journeymen shoemakers of Rock Island struck for higher wages yesterday morning, asking 25 percent increases. Employers have acceded to their demand.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Lighting struck wires of the Merchants Electric Light Co. during a furious storm, and many Rock Island business houses were compelled to resort to gas as a means of illumination.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Members of the First Church of Christ, Scientist, decided to erect a new edifice at a cost of about $60,000.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Willard Anderson, junior forward for the Augustana College basketball team, which won 17 out of 22 contests, was elected captain of the quintet.
1964 -- 50 years ago: John Hoffman, Moline, president of the Sac-Fox Council of Boy Scouts, will be honored for his 50 years in scouting by members of the council at a dinner Thursday evening.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Quad-Cities has what is believed to be the area's first elite-class gymnast. It's the stuff upon which Olympic competitors are made. Tiffany Chapman, of Rock Island, not only has earned the highest possible gymnast ranking, she won the honor at age 11.






(More History)