Chuckles for August 2004



August 02
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
--ahajokes.com

August 03
Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
-- Unknown

August 04
Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.
-- Arthur Miller

August 04
Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.
-- Arthur Miller

August 05
Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center.
--ahajokes.com

August 06
Teacher: This is the third time I've had to tell you off this week, what have you got to say about that?
Pupil: Thank heavens it's Friday!

August 09
The number of people watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
--ahajokes.com

August 10
Ever notice how irons have a setting for *permanent* press? I don't get it...
--ahajokes.com

August 11
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
--ahajokes.com

August 12
Join in the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called "Bureaucracy". Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do anything loses.
--ahajokes.com

August 13
If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that gets old real fast.
--ahajokes.com

August 16
Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein.
--Joe Theismann, Former quarterback

August 17
Teachers deserve a lot of credit. Of course, if we paid them more, they wouldn’t need it.
--jokesnjokes.net

August 18
The Definition of an Upgrade:
Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
--ahajokes.com

August 19
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
--Groucho Marx

August 20
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school.
--ahajokes.com

August 23
My grandma says she has eyes in the back of her head... I hope it's not hereditary
--ahajokes.com

August 24
I got tired of calling the movies to listen to what is playing so I bought the album.
--ahajokes.com

August 25
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
-- Franklin P. Jones

August 26
Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.
--ahajokes.com

August 27
A bad day at work is better than a good day in hell.
-- (boardofwisdom.com)

August 30
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

August 31
This guy is walking with his friend, who happens to be a psychologist. He says to this friend,
"I'm a walking economy."
The friend asks, "How so?"
"My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!"
--ahajokes.com

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Local events heading








  Today is Tuesday, July 22, the 203rd day of 2014. There are 162 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Everybody is invited to go on a moonlight excursion next Monday evening on the steamer New Boston. The trip will be from Davenport to Muscatine and back.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The mayor and bridge committee let a contract to the Clinton Bridge company for a $1,125 iron bridge across Sears canal near Milan.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Injunction proceedings to compel the Central Association to keep a baseball team in Rock Island for the remainder of the season were contemplated by some of the Rock Island fans, but they decided to defer action.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The first of the new and more powerful diesel engines built for the Rock Island Lines for the proposed Chicago-Denver run, passed thru the Tri-Cities this morning.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The Rock Island Rescue Mission is negotiating for the purchase of the Prince Hall Masonic Home located at 37th Avenue and 5th Street, Rock Island.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Quad Cities Container Terminal is being lauded as a giant business boon that will save several days and hundreds of dollars on each goods shipment to the coasts. The Quad Cities Container Terminal is the final piece of the puzzle that opens up increase access to world markets, Robert Goldstein said.








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