Chuckles for August 2004



August 02
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
--ahajokes.com

August 03
Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
-- Unknown

August 04
Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.
-- Arthur Miller

August 04
Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.
-- Arthur Miller

August 05
Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center.
--ahajokes.com

August 06
Teacher: This is the third time I've had to tell you off this week, what have you got to say about that?
Pupil: Thank heavens it's Friday!

August 09
The number of people watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
--ahajokes.com

August 10
Ever notice how irons have a setting for *permanent* press? I don't get it...
--ahajokes.com

August 11
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
--ahajokes.com

August 12
Join in the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called "Bureaucracy". Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do anything loses.
--ahajokes.com

August 13
If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that gets old real fast.
--ahajokes.com

August 16
Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein.
--Joe Theismann, Former quarterback

August 17
Teachers deserve a lot of credit. Of course, if we paid them more, they wouldn’t need it.
--jokesnjokes.net

August 18
The Definition of an Upgrade:
Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
--ahajokes.com

August 19
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
--Groucho Marx

August 20
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school.
--ahajokes.com

August 23
My grandma says she has eyes in the back of her head... I hope it's not hereditary
--ahajokes.com

August 24
I got tired of calling the movies to listen to what is playing so I bought the album.
--ahajokes.com

August 25
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
-- Franklin P. Jones

August 26
Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.
--ahajokes.com

August 27
A bad day at work is better than a good day in hell.
-- (boardofwisdom.com)

August 30
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

August 31
This guy is walking with his friend, who happens to be a psychologist. He says to this friend,
"I'm a walking economy."
The friend asks, "How so?"
"My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!"
--ahajokes.com

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Local events heading








  Today is Tuesday, July 29, the 210th day of 2014. There are 155 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Col. H.F. Sickless informs us that there will be new organization of troops in this state under the call for more men.
1889 -- 125 years ago: James Normoyle arrived home after graduating from West Point with honors in the class of 1889. He was to report to Fort Brady, Mich., as second lieutenant in the 23rd Infantry.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Austria Hungary declared war on Serbia. Germany and Austria refused an invitation of Sir Edward Grey to join Great Britain at a mediation conference.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Dr. William Mayo, the last of the three famous Mayo brother surgeons, died at the age of 78.
1964 -- 50 years ago: One of the biggest horse shows of the season was held yesterday at Hillandale Arena on Knoxville Road under the sponsorship of the Illowa Horsemen's Club.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Davenport is like a gigantic carnival this weekend with the Bix Arts Fest taking over 12 square blocks of the downtown area. A festive atmosphere prevailed Friday as thousands of people turned out to sample what the Arts Fest has to offer.








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