Chuckles for April 2004



April 01
To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep.
-- Joan Klempner

April 02
I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.
-- Victor Hugo(1802-1885)

April 05
To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.
-- Bernard M. Baruch (1870 - 1965)

April 06
Better to get up late and be wide awake than to get up early and be asleep all day.
-- Anonymous

April 07
Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.
-- Anonymous

April 08
It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
-- Robert Benchley

April 09
Q. What do you need if your chocolate eggs mysteriously disappear?
A. You need an eggsplanation!

April 12
In heaven all the interesting people are missing.
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)

April 13
My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?
Charles M. Schulz (1922 - 2000)

April 14
Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.
-- John F. Kennedy (1917 - 1963)

April 15
The saying "Getting there is half the fun" became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines.
-- Henry J. Tillman

April 16
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I'll waste no time reading it.
Moses Hadas (1900-1966)

April 19
There are 350 varieties of shark, not counting loan and pool.
-- L. M. Boyd

April 20
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
Herbert Henry Asquith (1852 - 1928)

April 21
It is better to hide ignorance, but it is hard to do this when we relax over wine.
Heraclitus(540 BC - 480 BC)

April 22
It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.
Dick Cavett (1936 - )

April 23
I believe that a scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy.
-- Richard Feynman

April 26
[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system.
-- Dan Quayle (1947 - )

April 26
[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system.
-- Dan Quayle (1947 - )

April 27
I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
-- Graffito, in Los Angeles

April 28
I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
-- Jerome K. Jerome (1859 - 1927), "Three Men in a Boat", 1889

April 29
Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.
-- Sam Ewing

April 30
Never eat more than you can lift.
-- Miss Piggy

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Friday, April 18, the 108th day of 2014. There are 257 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: A new steamer, Keithsburg, now is at our levee taking on board the balance of her fixtures preparatory to assuming her position on the daily Rock Island and Keokuk line.
1889 -- 125 years ago: C.W. Hawes was appointed deputy county clerk by county clerk Donaldson.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Mrs. O.E. child, of Moline, was named president of the Women's Home Missionary Society of the Methodist Church Rock Island District of the Central Illinois conference.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Augustana College is making plans for a drive for funds to erect a field house and make football field improvements.
1964 -- 50 years ago: A expanded election coverage system featuring a 16-foot chalkboard showing up to the minute running totals, attracted a large and enthusiastic crowd to The Argus newsroom last night.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Balloons frame Rock Island attorney Stewart Winstein who was given a surprise party in the rotunda of the Rock Island County Courthouse on Thursday to honor his 50th year of practicing law.




(More History)