Chuckles for April 2004



April 01
To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep.
-- Joan Klempner

April 02
I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.
-- Victor Hugo(1802-1885)

April 05
To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.
-- Bernard M. Baruch (1870 - 1965)

April 06
Better to get up late and be wide awake than to get up early and be asleep all day.
-- Anonymous

April 07
Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.
-- Anonymous

April 08
It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
-- Robert Benchley

April 09
Q. What do you need if your chocolate eggs mysteriously disappear?
A. You need an eggsplanation!

April 12
In heaven all the interesting people are missing.
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)

April 13
My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?
Charles M. Schulz (1922 - 2000)

April 14
Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.
-- John F. Kennedy (1917 - 1963)

April 15
The saying "Getting there is half the fun" became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines.
-- Henry J. Tillman

April 16
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I'll waste no time reading it.
Moses Hadas (1900-1966)

April 19
There are 350 varieties of shark, not counting loan and pool.
-- L. M. Boyd

April 20
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
Herbert Henry Asquith (1852 - 1928)

April 21
It is better to hide ignorance, but it is hard to do this when we relax over wine.
Heraclitus(540 BC - 480 BC)

April 22
It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.
Dick Cavett (1936 - )

April 23
I believe that a scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy.
-- Richard Feynman

April 26
[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system.
-- Dan Quayle (1947 - )

April 26
[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system.
-- Dan Quayle (1947 - )

April 27
I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
-- Graffito, in Los Angeles

April 28
I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
-- Jerome K. Jerome (1859 - 1927), "Three Men in a Boat", 1889

April 29
Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.
-- Sam Ewing

April 30
Never eat more than you can lift.
-- Miss Piggy

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Wednesday, April 23, the 113th day of 2014. There are 252 days left in the year.

1864 — 150 years ago: Some persons are negotiating for 80 feet of ground on Illinois Street with a view of erecting four stores thereon. It would serve a better purpose if the money was invested in neat tenement houses.
1889 — 125 years ago: The Central station, car house and stables of the Moline-Rock Island Horse Railway line of the Holmes syndicate, together with 15 cars and 42 head of horses, were destroyed by fire. The loss was at $15,000.
1914 — 100 years ago: Vera Cruz, Mexico, after a day and night of resistance to American forces, gradually ceased opposition. The American forces took complete control of the city.
1939 — 75 years ago: Dr. R. Bruce Collins was reelected for a second term as president of the Lower Rock Island County Tuberculosis Association.
1964 — 50 years ago: Work is scheduled to begin this summer on construction of a new men's residence complex and an addition to the dining facilities at Westerlin Hall at Augustana College.
1989 — 25 years ago: Special Olympics competitors were triple winners at Rock Island High School Saturday. The participants vanquished the rain that fell during the competition, and some won their events; but most important, they triumphed over their own disabilities.




(More History)