Chuckles for April 2004



April 01
To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep.
-- Joan Klempner

April 02
I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.
-- Victor Hugo(1802-1885)

April 05
To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.
-- Bernard M. Baruch (1870 - 1965)

April 06
Better to get up late and be wide awake than to get up early and be asleep all day.
-- Anonymous

April 07
Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.
-- Anonymous

April 08
It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
-- Robert Benchley

April 09
Q. What do you need if your chocolate eggs mysteriously disappear?
A. You need an eggsplanation!

April 12
In heaven all the interesting people are missing.
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)

April 13
My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?
Charles M. Schulz (1922 - 2000)

April 14
Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.
-- John F. Kennedy (1917 - 1963)

April 15
The saying "Getting there is half the fun" became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines.
-- Henry J. Tillman

April 16
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I'll waste no time reading it.
Moses Hadas (1900-1966)

April 19
There are 350 varieties of shark, not counting loan and pool.
-- L. M. Boyd

April 20
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
Herbert Henry Asquith (1852 - 1928)

April 21
It is better to hide ignorance, but it is hard to do this when we relax over wine.
Heraclitus(540 BC - 480 BC)

April 22
It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.
Dick Cavett (1936 - )

April 23
I believe that a scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy.
-- Richard Feynman

April 26
[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system.
-- Dan Quayle (1947 - )

April 26
[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system.
-- Dan Quayle (1947 - )

April 27
I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
-- Graffito, in Los Angeles

April 28
I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
-- Jerome K. Jerome (1859 - 1927), "Three Men in a Boat", 1889

April 29
Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.
-- Sam Ewing

April 30
Never eat more than you can lift.
-- Miss Piggy

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Friday, Aug. 22, the 234th day of 2014. There are 131 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: The ferry boat, Rock Island, having been put in good order at the boat yard is now making her regular trips, much to the gratification of those who have to cross the river.
1889 -- 125 years ago: W.J. Gamble, for many years superintendent of the Moline & Rock Island railway, leased the Fourth Avenue Hotel and renovated and refurnished it throughout.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Pending the building of new public schools or additions to the present ones to provide adequate room for all the children, the board of education decided that pupils younger than 6 years old would not be accepted in Rock Island schools.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The fifth annual New Windsor Fair and Horse show, which has been delayed for two days because of unfavorable weather, got off to a new start last night. The parade was held this morning.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The Rock Island County Fair and Rodeo will celebrate its silver anniversary this year. The fair opens Tuesday and will run through Saturday and offers entertainment and activity for young and old.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Earl Hanson School, Rock Island, joins the Program to Assist Latch Key Student, which aids working parents. PALS is a before and after school program for grades 1-6 in certain Rock Island public and private schools.




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