Chuckles for March 2004



March 01
A Romanian man is in the hospital after getting drunk and swallowing 120 coins on a bet. Doctors monitoring his situation say so far, no change.
--Jay Leno

March 02
There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people.
- Muhammad Ali (1942 - )

March 02
There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people.
-Muhammad Ali (1942 - )

March 02
There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people.
Muhammad Ali(1942 - )

March 02
Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/11/89

March 03
I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
-Margaret Thatcher

March 04
For four-fifths of our history, our planet was populated by pond scum.
-- J. W. Schopf

March 05
Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist.
-- G. K. Chesterton

March 08
By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.
- Charles Wadsworth

March 09
My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
--www.tech-sol.net

March 10
There are three rules for writing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
-- W. Somerset Maugham

March 11
If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
-- Bill Lyon

March 12
Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.
-- Ed Gardner

March 15
No one travelling on a business trip would be missed if he failed to arrive.
-- Thorstein Veblen

March 16
Q. In which month do monkeys play baseball?
A. Ape-ril!
(kieto.com)

March 17
Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners.
-- E. Joseph Crossman

March 18
Why arenít there ever any guilty bystanders? br>--(jokesgalore.com)

March 18
Why arenít there ever any guilty bystanders?
--(jokesgalore.com)

March 19
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
-- Ogden Nash

March 22
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
-- Ogden Nash

March 22
In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
--Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993)

March 23
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
-- Woody Allen

March 24
The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
-- Fran Lebowitz

March 25
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
--tech-sol.net/humor

March 26
Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Unknown

March 29
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
-- Harry S Truman

March 30
People will buy anything that is one to a customer.
-- Sinclair Lewis (1885 - 1951)

March 31
What a splendid head, yet no brain.
-- Aesop

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Thursday, April 24, the 114th day of 2014. There are 251 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We learn that it is a contemplation to start a paper mill in Rock Island during the summer by a gentleman from the East.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The gates of Oklahoma were swung open at noon today, and a throng of more than 30,000 settlers started over its soil.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The Iowa Coliseum Co. was incorporated with $40,000 capital and planned a building on 4th Street between Warren and Green streets in Davenport.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Plans are being discussed for resurfacing the streets in the entire downtown district of Rock Island.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Some 45 jobs will be created at J.I. Case Co.'s Rock Island plant in a expansion of operations announced yesterday afternoon at the firm's headquarters in Racine, Wis.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Gardeners and farmers cheered, but not all Quad-Citians found joy Saturday as more than an inch of rain fell on the area. Motorists faced dangerous, rain-slick roads as the water activated grease and grime that had built up during dry weather.








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