Chuckles for March 2004



March 01
A Romanian man is in the hospital after getting drunk and swallowing 120 coins on a bet. Doctors monitoring his situation say so far, no change.
--Jay Leno

March 02
There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people.
- Muhammad Ali (1942 - )

March 02
There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people.
-Muhammad Ali (1942 - )

March 02
There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people.
Muhammad Ali(1942 - )

March 02
Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/11/89

March 03
I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
-Margaret Thatcher

March 04
For four-fifths of our history, our planet was populated by pond scum.
-- J. W. Schopf

March 05
Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist.
-- G. K. Chesterton

March 08
By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.
- Charles Wadsworth

March 09
My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
--www.tech-sol.net

March 10
There are three rules for writing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
-- W. Somerset Maugham

March 11
If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
-- Bill Lyon

March 12
Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.
-- Ed Gardner

March 15
No one travelling on a business trip would be missed if he failed to arrive.
-- Thorstein Veblen

March 16
Q. In which month do monkeys play baseball?
A. Ape-ril!
(kieto.com)

March 17
Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners.
-- E. Joseph Crossman

March 18
Why arenít there ever any guilty bystanders? br>--(jokesgalore.com)

March 18
Why arenít there ever any guilty bystanders?
--(jokesgalore.com)

March 19
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
-- Ogden Nash

March 22
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
-- Ogden Nash

March 22
In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
--Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993)

March 23
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
-- Woody Allen

March 24
The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
-- Fran Lebowitz

March 25
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
--tech-sol.net/humor

March 26
Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Unknown

March 29
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
-- Harry S Truman

March 30
People will buy anything that is one to a customer.
-- Sinclair Lewis (1885 - 1951)

March 31
What a splendid head, yet no brain.
-- Aesop

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Friday, Aug. 22, the 234th day of 2014. There are 131 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: The ferry boat, Rock Island, having been put in good order at the boat yard is now making her regular trips, much to the gratification of those who have to cross the river.
1889 -- 125 years ago: W.J. Gamble, for many years superintendent of the Moline & Rock Island railway, leased the Fourth Avenue Hotel and renovated and refurnished it throughout.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Pending the building of new public schools or additions to the present ones to provide adequate room for all the children, the board of education decided that pupils younger than 6 years old would not be accepted in Rock Island schools.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The fifth annual New Windsor Fair and Horse show, which has been delayed for two days because of unfavorable weather, got off to a new start last night. The parade was held this morning.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The Rock Island County Fair and Rodeo will celebrate its silver anniversary this year. The fair opens Tuesday and will run through Saturday and offers entertainment and activity for young and old.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Earl Hanson School, Rock Island, joins the Program to Assist Latch Key Student, which aids working parents. PALS is a before and after school program for grades 1-6 in certain Rock Island public and private schools.




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