Chuckles for February 2004



February 02
An electronics company has just come out with a computer display that can be folded, rolled up, put in your pocket, and display in black and white images. Didn’t that used to be called paper?
--Jay Leno

February 03
Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
-- Alfred E. Newman

February 04
Everyone is still talking about the Super Bowl halftime show. People are upset, they’re accusing each other, they’re denying, no response from some – the FCC is going to investigate. And today President Bush formed the Department of Wardrobe Security.
--David Letterman

February 05
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
(ahajokes.com)

February 06
A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life.
-- Christopher Morley (1890 - 1957)

February 09
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
-- Fred Allen

February 10
Q. Why don't skeletons like parties?
A. They have no body to dance with.
--kidsdomain.com

February 11
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
-- Jackie Mason (1934 - )

February 12
There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on.
--Robert Byrne

February 13
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
-- Dorothy Nevill

February 16
Q. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A. Dayscare Centers

February 17
I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues.
-- Duke Ellington

February 18
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
-- Jane Caminos

February 19
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.
-- Doug Larson

February 20
It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.
-- Harry S Truman, in Observer, April 13, 1958

February 23
Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry.
-- Spanish Proverb

February 24
Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.
-- George Ade (1866 - 1944)

February 26
Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too.
-- Lichty and Wagner

February 27
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
--(tech-sol.net/humor)

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Sunday, July 27, the 208th day of 2014. There are 157 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The Rock Island Paper Mill is now operating. It is an establishment which our people ought to encourage by saving all rags for the mill, where you can get cash and the highest prices for them.
1889 -- 125 years ago: E. W. Robinson purchased from J.T. Miller the livery stable on the triangle south of Market Square.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Henry Kramer was elected president of the Tri-City Typothetae Franklin Club, which took the place of the Tri-City Ben Franklin Club.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Mrs. Floyd Furh, Illinois City, was first-place winner in the second annual Gov. Horner Farm floral contest.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Nearly 4,000 people are expected to attend weekend sessions of the Jehovah's Witnesses Assembly being held at the Masonic Temple.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The B-29 Super-Fortress bomber is impressive looking, and it did the job during World War II. Its claim to fame is dropping the atomic bombs in Japan to end the war. Only one B-29 is operational in the world today. It is on display at the Quad City Airport in Moline until Friday.






(More History)