Chuckles for February 2004
An electronics company has just come out with a computer display that can be folded, rolled up, put in your pocket, and display in black and white images. Didn’t that used to be called paper?
Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
-- Alfred E. Newman
Everyone is still talking about the Super Bowl halftime show. People are upset, they’re accusing each other, they’re denying, no response from some – the FCC is going to investigate. And today President Bush formed the Department of Wardrobe Security.
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life.
-- Christopher Morley (1890 - 1957)
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
-- Fred Allen
Q. Why don't skeletons like parties?
A. They have no body to dance with.
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
-- Jackie Mason (1934 - )
There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
-- Dorothy Nevill
Q. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A. Dayscare Centers
I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues.
-- Duke Ellington
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
-- Jane Caminos
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.
-- Doug Larson
It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.
-- Harry S Truman, in Observer, April 13, 1958
Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry.
-- Spanish Proverb
Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.
-- George Ade (1866 - 1944)
Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too.
-- Lichty and Wagner
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
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