Chuckles for February 2004



February 02
An electronics company has just come out with a computer display that can be folded, rolled up, put in your pocket, and display in black and white images. Didn’t that used to be called paper?
--Jay Leno

February 03
Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
-- Alfred E. Newman

February 04
Everyone is still talking about the Super Bowl halftime show. People are upset, they’re accusing each other, they’re denying, no response from some – the FCC is going to investigate. And today President Bush formed the Department of Wardrobe Security.
--David Letterman

February 05
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
(ahajokes.com)

February 06
A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life.
-- Christopher Morley (1890 - 1957)

February 09
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
-- Fred Allen

February 10
Q. Why don't skeletons like parties?
A. They have no body to dance with.
--kidsdomain.com

February 11
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
-- Jackie Mason (1934 - )

February 12
There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on.
--Robert Byrne

February 13
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
-- Dorothy Nevill

February 16
Q. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A. Dayscare Centers

February 17
I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues.
-- Duke Ellington

February 18
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
-- Jane Caminos

February 19
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.
-- Doug Larson

February 20
It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.
-- Harry S Truman, in Observer, April 13, 1958

February 23
Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry.
-- Spanish Proverb

February 24
Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.
-- George Ade (1866 - 1944)

February 26
Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too.
-- Lichty and Wagner

February 27
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
--(tech-sol.net/humor)

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Friday, April 18, the 108th day of 2014. There are 257 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: A new steamer, Keithsburg, now is at our levee taking on board the balance of her fixtures preparatory to assuming her position on the daily Rock Island and Keokuk line.
1889 -- 125 years ago: C.W. Hawes was appointed deputy county clerk by county clerk Donaldson.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Mrs. O.E. child, of Moline, was named president of the Women's Home Missionary Society of the Methodist Church Rock Island District of the Central Illinois conference.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Augustana College is making plans for a drive for funds to erect a field house and make football field improvements.
1964 -- 50 years ago: A expanded election coverage system featuring a 16-foot chalkboard showing up to the minute running totals, attracted a large and enthusiastic crowd to The Argus newsroom last night.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Balloons frame Rock Island attorney Stewart Winstein who was given a surprise party in the rotunda of the Rock Island County Courthouse on Thursday to honor his 50th year of practicing law.




(More History)