Chuckles for February 2004



February 02
An electronics company has just come out with a computer display that can be folded, rolled up, put in your pocket, and display in black and white images. Didn’t that used to be called paper?
--Jay Leno

February 03
Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
-- Alfred E. Newman

February 04
Everyone is still talking about the Super Bowl halftime show. People are upset, they’re accusing each other, they’re denying, no response from some – the FCC is going to investigate. And today President Bush formed the Department of Wardrobe Security.
--David Letterman

February 05
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
(ahajokes.com)

February 06
A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life.
-- Christopher Morley (1890 - 1957)

February 09
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
-- Fred Allen

February 10
Q. Why don't skeletons like parties?
A. They have no body to dance with.
--kidsdomain.com

February 11
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
-- Jackie Mason (1934 - )

February 12
There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on.
--Robert Byrne

February 13
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
-- Dorothy Nevill

February 16
Q. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A. Dayscare Centers

February 17
I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues.
-- Duke Ellington

February 18
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
-- Jane Caminos

February 19
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.
-- Doug Larson

February 20
It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.
-- Harry S Truman, in Observer, April 13, 1958

February 23
Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry.
-- Spanish Proverb

February 24
Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.
-- George Ade (1866 - 1944)

February 26
Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too.
-- Lichty and Wagner

February 27
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
--(tech-sol.net/humor)

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Tuesday, Sept, 30, the 273rd day of 2014. There are 92 days left in the year.

1864 — 150 years ago: The ARGUS Boys are very anxious to attend the great Democratic mass meeting tomorrow and we shall therefore, print no paper on the day.
1889 — 125 years ago: H.J. Lowery resigned from his position as manager at the Harper House.
1914 — 100 years ago: Curtis & Simonson was the name of a new legal partnership formed by two younger members of the Rock Island County Bar. Hugh Cyrtis and Devore Simonson..
1939 — 75 years ago: Harry Grell, deputy county clerk was named county recorder to fill the vacancy caused by a resignation.
1964 — 50 years ago: A new world wide reader insurance service program offering around the clock accident protection for Argus subscribers and their families is announced today.
1989 — 25 years ago: Tomato plant and other sensitive greenery may have had a hard time surviving overnight as temperatures neared the freezing point.




(More History)