Chuckles for February 2004



February 02
An electronics company has just come out with a computer display that can be folded, rolled up, put in your pocket, and display in black and white images. Didn’t that used to be called paper?
--Jay Leno

February 03
Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
-- Alfred E. Newman

February 04
Everyone is still talking about the Super Bowl halftime show. People are upset, they’re accusing each other, they’re denying, no response from some – the FCC is going to investigate. And today President Bush formed the Department of Wardrobe Security.
--David Letterman

February 05
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
(ahajokes.com)

February 06
A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life.
-- Christopher Morley (1890 - 1957)

February 09
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
-- Fred Allen

February 10
Q. Why don't skeletons like parties?
A. They have no body to dance with.
--kidsdomain.com

February 11
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
-- Jackie Mason (1934 - )

February 12
There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on.
--Robert Byrne

February 13
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
-- Dorothy Nevill

February 16
Q. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A. Dayscare Centers

February 17
I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues.
-- Duke Ellington

February 18
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
-- Jane Caminos

February 19
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.
-- Doug Larson

February 20
It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.
-- Harry S Truman, in Observer, April 13, 1958

February 23
Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry.
-- Spanish Proverb

February 24
Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.
-- George Ade (1866 - 1944)

February 26
Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too.
-- Lichty and Wagner

February 27
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
--(tech-sol.net/humor)

Back: Past Chuckles






Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Sept. 1, the 244th day of 2014. There are 121 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We are informed by J.H. Hull that the reason the street sprinkler was not at work yesterday settling the dust on the streets, was because one of his horses was injured.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Bonnie McGregor, a fleet-footed stallion owned by S.W. Wheelock of this community, covered himself with glory at Lexington, Ky, when he ran a mile in 2:13 1/2. The horse's value was estimated as at least $50,000.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Troops are pouring into Paris to prepare for defense of the city. The German army is reported to be only 60 miles from the capital of France.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The German army has invaded Poland in undeclared warfare. Poland has appealed to Great Britain and France for aid.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Publication of a plant newspaper, the Farmall Works News, has been launched at the Rock Island IHC factory and replaces a managerial newsletter.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Officials predict Monday's Rock Island Labor Parade will be the biggest and best ever. Last minute work continues on floats and costumes for the parade, which steps off a 9:30 a.m.




(More History)