Chuckles for December 2003



December 01
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite
--kidsdomain.com

December 02
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
-- Bradley's Bromide

December 03
That’s a pretty amazing story: On Thanksgiving Day, President Bush shocked 600 U.S. troops stationed in Iraq when he showed up to have dinner with them. At first some of the troops were so stunned they didn’t believe it was really the president. So Bush went ahead and mispronounced some words and boy, were they convinced!.
-- Jay Leno

December 04
It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English -- up to fifty words used in correct context -- no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese. --Carl Sagan

December 05
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
-- Mary Wilson Little

December 08
Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
-- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

December 09
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
--Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

December 10
Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.<--> Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

December 10
Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.
--Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

December 11
The palest ink is better than the best memory.
-- Chinese Proverb

December 12
According to a new study by doctors in Massachusetts, eating too many fatty foods, can lead to blindness. The good news – you can’t see how much weight you put on.
--Jay Leno

December 15
Q. What does a cat on the beach have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy Claws!
--kidsdomain.com

December 15
Q. What does a cat on the beach have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy Claws!
--kidsdomain.com

December 16
Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A. Claustrophobic!
--kidsdomain.com

December 17
Q. Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A. He had low elf esteem.
--kidsdomain.com

December 18
Q. WWhat do elves learn in school?
A. The elf-abet.
--kidsdomain.com

December 18
Q. What do elves learn in school?
A. The elf-abet.
--kidsdomain.com

December 19
Q. Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A. So he can hoe, hoe, hoe!
--kidsdomain.com

December 22
Q. What Christmas Carol is a favorite of parents?
A.Silent Night!
--kidsdomain.com

December 23
Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. I'll have a boo Christmas without you.
--kidsdomain.com

December 24
Q. What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
A. Crisp Cringle!
--kidsdomain.com

December 26
Today I picked up Grandma Kilby at the airport. She’s now at that age where she doesn’t remember. So I said "Thanks for coming…goodbye!”
Craig Kilborn

December 29
According to a survey in "Men’s Health” magazine, 85% of men admit they surf the internet wearing nothing but their underwear. 63% said that’s how they lost their last job.
--Jay Leno

December 30
Vote early and vote often.
-- Al Capone

December 31
One of the stupidest gifts of the year: this dog translator – did you see this thing? It tells you what your dog is thinking. In fact, if you bring it home, your dog is thinking "You’re an idiot."
--Jay Leno

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Oct. 20, the 293rd day of 2014. There are 72 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The store of Devoe and Crampton was entered and robbed of about $500 worth of gold pens and pocket cutlery last night.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Michael Malloy was named president of the Tri-City Stone Cutters Union.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Dewitte C. Poole, former Moline newspaperman serving as vice consul general for the United States government in Paris, declared in a letter to friends that the once gay Paris is a city of sadness and desolation.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Plans for the construction of an $80,000 wholesale bakery at 2011 4th Ave. were announced by Harry and Nick Coin, of Rock Island. It is to be known as the Banquet Bakery.
1964 -- 50 years ago: An application has been filed for a state permit to organize a savings and loan association in Moline, it was announced. The applicants are Ben Butterworth, A.B. Lundahl, C. Richard Evans, John Harris, George Crampton and William Getz, all of Moline, Charles Roberts, Rock Island, and Charles Johnson, of Hampton.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Indian summer is quickly disappearing as temperatures slide into the 40s and 50s this week. Last week, highs were in the 80s.


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