Chuckles for December 2003



December 01
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite
--kidsdomain.com

December 02
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
-- Bradley's Bromide

December 03
That’s a pretty amazing story: On Thanksgiving Day, President Bush shocked 600 U.S. troops stationed in Iraq when he showed up to have dinner with them. At first some of the troops were so stunned they didn’t believe it was really the president. So Bush went ahead and mispronounced some words and boy, were they convinced!.
-- Jay Leno

December 04
It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English -- up to fifty words used in correct context -- no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese. --Carl Sagan

December 05
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
-- Mary Wilson Little

December 08
Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
-- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

December 09
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
--Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

December 10
Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.<--> Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

December 10
Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.
--Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

December 11
The palest ink is better than the best memory.
-- Chinese Proverb

December 12
According to a new study by doctors in Massachusetts, eating too many fatty foods, can lead to blindness. The good news – you can’t see how much weight you put on.
--Jay Leno

December 15
Q. What does a cat on the beach have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy Claws!
--kidsdomain.com

December 15
Q. What does a cat on the beach have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy Claws!
--kidsdomain.com

December 16
Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A. Claustrophobic!
--kidsdomain.com

December 17
Q. Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A. He had low elf esteem.
--kidsdomain.com

December 18
Q. WWhat do elves learn in school?
A. The elf-abet.
--kidsdomain.com

December 18
Q. What do elves learn in school?
A. The elf-abet.
--kidsdomain.com

December 19
Q. Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A. So he can hoe, hoe, hoe!
--kidsdomain.com

December 22
Q. What Christmas Carol is a favorite of parents?
A.Silent Night!
--kidsdomain.com

December 23
Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. I'll have a boo Christmas without you.
--kidsdomain.com

December 24
Q. What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
A. Crisp Cringle!
--kidsdomain.com

December 26
Today I picked up Grandma Kilby at the airport. She’s now at that age where she doesn’t remember. So I said "Thanks for coming…goodbye!”
Craig Kilborn

December 29
According to a survey in "Men’s Health” magazine, 85% of men admit they surf the internet wearing nothing but their underwear. 63% said that’s how they lost their last job.
--Jay Leno

December 30
Vote early and vote often.
-- Al Capone

December 31
One of the stupidest gifts of the year: this dog translator – did you see this thing? It tells you what your dog is thinking. In fact, if you bring it home, your dog is thinking "You’re an idiot."
--Jay Leno

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Sept. 22, the 265th day of 2014. There are 100 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The board of education has granted Thursday as a holiday for the children, with the expectation that parents who desire to have their children attend the Scott County Fair will do so on that day and save irregularity the rest of the week.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The guard fence around the new cement walk at the Harper House has been removed. The blocks are diamond shape, alternating in black and white.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The Rev. R.B. Williams, former pastor of the First Methodist Church, Rock Island, was named superintendent of the Rock Island District.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Abnormally high temperatures and lack of rainfall in Illinois during the past week have speeded maturing of corn and soybean crops.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Installation of a new television system in St. Anthony's Hospital, which includes a closed circuit channel as well as the three regular Quad-Cities channels, has been completed and now is in operation.
1989 -- 25 years ago: When the new Moline High School was built in 1958, along with it were plans to construct a football field in the bowl near 34th Street on the campus. Wednesday afternoon, more than 30 years later, the Moline Board of Education Athletic Board sent the ball rolling toward the possible construction of that field by asking superintendent Richard Hennigan to take to the board of education a proposal to hire a consultant.






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