Chuckles for December 2003



December 01
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite
--kidsdomain.com

December 02
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
-- Bradley's Bromide

December 03
That’s a pretty amazing story: On Thanksgiving Day, President Bush shocked 600 U.S. troops stationed in Iraq when he showed up to have dinner with them. At first some of the troops were so stunned they didn’t believe it was really the president. So Bush went ahead and mispronounced some words and boy, were they convinced!.
-- Jay Leno

December 04
It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English -- up to fifty words used in correct context -- no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese. --Carl Sagan

December 05
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
-- Mary Wilson Little

December 08
Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
-- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

December 09
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
--Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

December 10
Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.<--> Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

December 10
Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.
--Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

December 11
The palest ink is better than the best memory.
-- Chinese Proverb

December 12
According to a new study by doctors in Massachusetts, eating too many fatty foods, can lead to blindness. The good news – you can’t see how much weight you put on.
--Jay Leno

December 15
Q. What does a cat on the beach have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy Claws!
--kidsdomain.com

December 15
Q. What does a cat on the beach have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy Claws!
--kidsdomain.com

December 16
Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A. Claustrophobic!
--kidsdomain.com

December 17
Q. Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A. He had low elf esteem.
--kidsdomain.com

December 18
Q. WWhat do elves learn in school?
A. The elf-abet.
--kidsdomain.com

December 18
Q. What do elves learn in school?
A. The elf-abet.
--kidsdomain.com

December 19
Q. Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A. So he can hoe, hoe, hoe!
--kidsdomain.com

December 22
Q. What Christmas Carol is a favorite of parents?
A.Silent Night!
--kidsdomain.com

December 23
Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. I'll have a boo Christmas without you.
--kidsdomain.com

December 24
Q. What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
A. Crisp Cringle!
--kidsdomain.com

December 26
Today I picked up Grandma Kilby at the airport. She’s now at that age where she doesn’t remember. So I said "Thanks for coming…goodbye!”
Craig Kilborn

December 29
According to a survey in "Men’s Health” magazine, 85% of men admit they surf the internet wearing nothing but their underwear. 63% said that’s how they lost their last job.
--Jay Leno

December 30
Vote early and vote often.
-- Al Capone

December 31
One of the stupidest gifts of the year: this dog translator – did you see this thing? It tells you what your dog is thinking. In fact, if you bring it home, your dog is thinking "You’re an idiot."
--Jay Leno

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Wednesday, Oct. 1, the 274th day of 2014. There are 91 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: It is rumored in the streets that the 13 negroes sent to Quincy on the Moline quota were refused. We think this must be a mistake.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Harvey McKenna, of Detroit, billiard player matched to play Wizard Schafer in New York in January for the world championship, was a professional friend and manager, Billy Catton in Rock Island.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Levi Cralle, former Rock Island county sheriff, had come from his farm near Mitchell, S.D. to visit friends in the city.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Work is being rushed on the new high school building in Orion to replace the one destroyed by fire last winter. Classes are being held in churches.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Rehearsals for the 84th season of the Handel Oratorio Society chorus will begin at 7:30 p.m. Monday on the stage of Centennial Hall, Augustana College.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Rock Island City Council's plan announced this week to have the federal government vacate Valley Homes public housing and move residents to Arsenal Courts to reduce density may not be feasible.






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