Chuckles for April 2003



April 01
There are more chickens than people in the world.
(tech-sol.net/humor/)

April 02
At lunchtime, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
(tech-sol.net/humor/)

April 03
I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.
(tech-sol.net/humor/)

April 04
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
--Fran Lebowitz

April 07
What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living.
-- Doug Larson

April 08
The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience:
"And in conclusion."

April 09
Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 10
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 11
Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
-- Unknown

April 14
Q. How do crazy people go through the forest?
A. They take the psycho path.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 15
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 16
My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 17
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 18
"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
Emo Philips.

April 21
A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.
Fats Domino (1928 - )

April 22
Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source.
--Ron Nesen

April 23
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
--Kin Hubbard

April 24
"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."
-- George Burns.

April 28
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 28
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 28
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 29
Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.
--Dan Rather (1931 - )

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Wednesday, July 30, the 211th day of 2014. There are 154 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: After Sept. 1, every small box of matches will be required to have a 3 cent duty Lincoln stamp on it, and every large box will be one cent for every 100 matches.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Rock Island residents had contributed a total of $1,293 to the American Red Cross for the Johnstown flood relief fund.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Capt. Clark Means, new darkhorse twirler for the ARGUS staff, was in great form in his initial contest as a mound laborer. The result was that THE ARGUS trimmed the Union 6-5.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Hunter and Humprey Moody, young Decatur, Ill, brothers, lack only a few hours of establishing a new world light plane endurance record.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Gates of the 110th annual Mercer County Fair swing open tonight at Aledo for a full week of day and night activity. More that $36,000 will be paid in premiums and race purses.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The baseball field carved out of the cornfield near Dyersville, Iowa, continues to keep dreams alive for hundreds of visitors. Tourists from 26 state and France have visited Dan Lansing's farm to see the baseball diamond seen in the hit movie "Field of Dreams."






(More History)