LOCAL FOOTBALL SCORING UPDATES PRESENTED BY THE HUNGRY HOBO:

Chuckles for April 2003



April 01
There are more chickens than people in the world.
(tech-sol.net/humor/)

April 02
At lunchtime, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
(tech-sol.net/humor/)

April 03
I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.
(tech-sol.net/humor/)

April 04
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
--Fran Lebowitz

April 07
What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living.
-- Doug Larson

April 08
The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience:
"And in conclusion."

April 09
Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 10
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 11
Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
-- Unknown

April 14
Q. How do crazy people go through the forest?
A. They take the psycho path.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 15
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 16
My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 17
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 18
"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
Emo Philips.

April 21
A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.
Fats Domino (1928 - )

April 22
Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source.
--Ron Nesen

April 23
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
--Kin Hubbard

April 24
"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."
-- George Burns.

April 28
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 28
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 28
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 29
Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.
--Dan Rather (1931 - )

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Monday, Sept. 22, the 265th day of 2014. There are 100 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: The board of education has granted Thursday as a holiday for the children, with the expectation that parents who desire to have their children attend the Scott County Fair will do so on that day and save irregularity the rest of the week.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The guard fence around the new cement walk at the Harper House has been removed. The blocks are diamond shape, alternating in black and white.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The Rev. R.B. Williams, former pastor of the First Methodist Church, Rock Island, was named superintendent of the Rock Island District.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Abnormally high temperatures and lack of rainfall in Illinois during the past week have speeded maturing of corn and soybean crops.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Installation of a new television system in St. Anthony's Hospital, which includes a closed circuit channel as well as the three regular Quad-Cities channels, has been completed and now is in operation.
1989 -- 25 years ago: When the new Moline High School was built in 1958, along with it were plans to construct a football field in the bowl near 34th Street on the campus. Wednesday afternoon, more than 30 years later, the Moline Board of Education Athletic Board sent the ball rolling toward the possible construction of that field by asking superintendent Richard Hennigan to take to the board of education a proposal to hire a consultant.






(More History)