Chuckles for April 2003



April 01
There are more chickens than people in the world.
(tech-sol.net/humor/)

April 02
At lunchtime, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
(tech-sol.net/humor/)

April 03
I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.
(tech-sol.net/humor/)

April 04
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
--Fran Lebowitz

April 07
What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living.
-- Doug Larson

April 08
The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience:
"And in conclusion."

April 09
Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 10
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 11
Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
-- Unknown

April 14
Q. How do crazy people go through the forest?
A. They take the psycho path.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 15
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 16
My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 17
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 18
"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
Emo Philips.

April 21
A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.
Fats Domino (1928 - )

April 22
Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source.
--Ron Nesen

April 23
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
--Kin Hubbard

April 24
"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."
-- George Burns.

April 28
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 28
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 28
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 29
Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.
--Dan Rather (1931 - )

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Friday, Aug. 22, the 234th day of 2014. There are 131 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: The ferry boat, Rock Island, having been put in good order at the boat yard is now making her regular trips, much to the gratification of those who have to cross the river.
1889 -- 125 years ago: W.J. Gamble, for many years superintendent of the Moline & Rock Island railway, leased the Fourth Avenue Hotel and renovated and refurnished it throughout.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Pending the building of new public schools or additions to the present ones to provide adequate room for all the children, the board of education decided that pupils younger than 6 years old would not be accepted in Rock Island schools.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The fifth annual New Windsor Fair and Horse show, which has been delayed for two days because of unfavorable weather, got off to a new start last night. The parade was held this morning.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The Rock Island County Fair and Rodeo will celebrate its silver anniversary this year. The fair opens Tuesday and will run through Saturday and offers entertainment and activity for young and old.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Earl Hanson School, Rock Island, joins the Program to Assist Latch Key Student, which aids working parents. PALS is a before and after school program for grades 1-6 in certain Rock Island public and private schools.




(More History)