Chuckles for April 2003



April 01
There are more chickens than people in the world.
(tech-sol.net/humor/)

April 02
At lunchtime, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
(tech-sol.net/humor/)

April 03
I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.
(tech-sol.net/humor/)

April 04
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
--Fran Lebowitz

April 07
What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living.
-- Doug Larson

April 08
The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience:
"And in conclusion."

April 09
Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 10
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 11
Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
-- Unknown

April 14
Q. How do crazy people go through the forest?
A. They take the psycho path.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 15
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 16
My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 17
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 18
"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
Emo Philips.

April 21
A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.
Fats Domino (1928 - )

April 22
Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source.
--Ron Nesen

April 23
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
--Kin Hubbard

April 24
"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."
-- George Burns.

April 28
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 28
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 28
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 29
Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.
--Dan Rather (1931 - )

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Thursday, April 17, the 107th day of 2014. There are 258 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Journeymen shoemakers of Rock Island struck for higher wages yesterday morning, asking 25 percent increases. Employers have acceded to their demand.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Lighting struck wires of the Merchants Electric Light Co. during a furious storm, and many Rock Island business houses were compelled to resort to gas as a means of illumination.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Members of the First Church of Christ, Scientist, decided to erect a new edifice at a cost of about $60,000.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Willard Anderson, junior forward for the Augustana College basketball team, which won 17 out of 22 contests, was elected captain of the quintet.
1964 -- 50 years ago: John Hoffman, Moline, president of the Sac-Fox Council of Boy Scouts, will be honored for his 50 years in scouting by members of the council at a dinner Thursday evening.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Quad-Cities has what is believed to be the area's first elite-class gymnast. It's the stuff upon which Olympic competitors are made. Tiffany Chapman, of Rock Island, not only has earned the highest possible gymnast ranking, she won the honor at age 11.






(More History)