Chuckles for March 2003



March 03
Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.-- George Burns

March 04
He said..."What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?" She said..."Turn sideways and look in the mirror." --(tech-sol.net)

March 04
He said..."What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?" She said..."Turn sideways and look in the mirror." --(tech-sol.net)

March 05
Nothing is impossible. Some things are just less likely than others.-- Jonathan Winters

March 06
Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions? Student: Well...yes and no.

March 07
Time may be a great healer but it's also a lousy beautician.

March 10
The difference between the Pope and your boss. The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring. -- tech-sol.net/humor/

March 11
If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of 22, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation.-- Tom Stoppard

March 12
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. --ech-sol.net/humor/

March 13
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. --tech-sol.net/humor/

March 14
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.-- Ogden Nash

March 17
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. --tech-sol.net/humor/

March 18
Sign you're really getting old: "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

March 19
A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn-signal fluid."

March 20
Confucius say's...Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.

March 20
Confucius say's...Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.

March 20
Confucius say's...Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.

March 20
Confucius say's...Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.

March 20
Confucius say...Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.

March 20
Confucius say...Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.

March 20
Confucius say's...Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.

March 21
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

March 24
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

March 25
Only in America ......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
(tech-sol.net/humor)

March 26
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
(tech-sol.net/humor)

March 27
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. -- Steven Wright

March 28
Why is the man who invests all your money, called a broker?

March 31
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
(tech-sol.net/humor/)

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Thursday, July 31, the 212th day of 2014. There are 153 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: A corps of surgeons now occupies the new hospital quarters at the Garrison Hospital on the Rock Island Arsenal. A fence has been installed to enclose the prison hospital.
1889 -- 125 years ago: B. Winter has let a contract to Christ Schreiner for a two story brick building with a double store front on the south side of 3rd Avenue just west of 17th Street. The estimated cost was $4,500.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Germany sent simultaneous ultimatums to Russia and France, demanding that Russia suspend mobilization within 12 hours and demanding that France inform Germany within 18 hours. In the case of war between Germany and Russia, France would remain neutral.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Civil service offices at the post office and the Rock Island Arsenal were swamped as more than 700 youths sought 15 machinist apprenticeships at the Arsenal.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Last night, American Legion Post 246 in Moline figuratively handed over the trousers to a female ex-Marine and petticoat rule began. Olga Swanson, of Moline, was installed as the first woman commander of the post .
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Illinois Quad City Civic Center captured the excitement and interest of a convention of auditorium managers this weekend in Reno, Nev. Bill Adams, civic center authority chairman, said the 10,000-seat arena planned for downtown Moline has caught the eye of construction firms, suppliers, management teams and concession groups.








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