Chuckles for February 2003



February 03
Why don't oysters give to charity? Because they're shellfish. (the-jokes.com)

February 04
The other night I ate at a real Family Restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

February 05
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

February 06
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

February 07
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

February 07
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

February 10
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."

February 12
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.-- Alfred Hitchcock

February 13
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.-- Dave Barry

February 14
Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.--Tommy Cooper

February 17
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'-- Ronnie Shakes

February 18
The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums.-- Peter De Vries

February 19
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? (www.tech-sol.net)

February 20
I started out with nothing. I still have most of it. (www.tech-sol.net)

February 21
Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.-- Unknown

February 24
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.-- Johnny Carson

February 25
"If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it."-- W.C.Fields

February 26
Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars.-- Hobart Brown

February 27
There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have.-- Don Herold

February 28
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Back: Past Chuckles





Local events heading








  Today is Tuesday, July 22, the 203rd day of 2014. There are 162 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Everybody is invited to go on a moonlight excursion next Monday evening on the steamer New Boston. The trip will be from Davenport to Muscatine and back.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The mayor and bridge committee let a contract to the Clinton Bridge company for a $1,125 iron bridge across Sears canal near Milan.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Injunction proceedings to compel the Central Association to keep a baseball team in Rock Island for the remainder of the season were contemplated by some of the Rock Island fans, but they decided to defer action.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The first of the new and more powerful diesel engines built for the Rock Island Lines for the proposed Chicago-Denver run, passed thru the Tri-Cities this morning.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The Rock Island Rescue Mission is negotiating for the purchase of the Prince Hall Masonic Home located at 37th Avenue and 5th Street, Rock Island.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Quad Cities Container Terminal is being lauded as a giant business boon that will save several days and hundreds of dollars on each goods shipment to the coasts. The Quad Cities Container Terminal is the final piece of the puzzle that opens up increase access to world markets, Robert Goldstein said.








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