Chuckles for January 2003



January 02
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.-- Johnny Carson

January 03
The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything.-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

January 06
Saying what we think gives us a wider conversational range than saying what we know.-- Cullen Hightower

January 07
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.-- Rita Rudner

January 08
I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.-- Rita Mae Brown

January 09
Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize them.-- Ann Landers (1918 - 2002)

January 10
LA it is now official that LA is the fastest-growing metropolis in the United States. I just want to take the time to say to all the hard-working people that made this possible: "Gracias!" (Craig Kilborn)

January 10
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death

January 13
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

January 14
Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston.

January 15
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

January 16
Free Puppies:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel
1/2 Sneaky Neighbor's Dog!

January 17
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.-- Joan Rivers

January 20
If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?-- Vince Lombardi (1913 - 1970)

January 21
Never despair; but if you do, work on in despair. -- Edmund Burke (1729 - 1797)

January 22
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

January 23
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.-- Mary Wilson Little

January 24
Alarms: What an octopus is.

January 27
We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.-- Robert Wilensky

January 28
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

January 29
I am not young enough to know everything.-- Oscar Wilde

January 30
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

January 31
You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.-- Michael Pritchard

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Local events heading








  Today is Thursday, July 31, the 212th day of 2014. There are 153 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: A corps of surgeons now occupies the new hospital quarters at the Garrison Hospital on the Rock Island Arsenal. A fence has been installed to enclose the prison hospital.
1889 -- 125 years ago: B. Winter has let a contract to Christ Schreiner for a two story brick building with a double store front on the south side of 3rd Avenue just west of 17th Street. The estimated cost was $4,500.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Germany sent simultaneous ultimatums to Russia and France, demanding that Russia suspend mobilization within 12 hours and demanding that France inform Germany within 18 hours. In the case of war between Germany and Russia, France would remain neutral.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Civil service offices at the post office and the Rock Island Arsenal were swamped as more than 700 youths sought 15 machinist apprenticeships at the Arsenal.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Last night, American Legion Post 246 in Moline figuratively handed over the trousers to a female ex-Marine and petticoat rule began. Olga Swanson, of Moline, was installed as the first woman commander of the post .
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Illinois Quad City Civic Center captured the excitement and interest of a convention of auditorium managers this weekend in Reno, Nev. Bill Adams, civic center authority chairman, said the 10,000-seat arena planned for downtown Moline has caught the eye of construction firms, suppliers, management teams and concession groups.








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