Chuckles for January 2003



January 02
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.-- Johnny Carson

January 03
The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything.-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

January 06
Saying what we think gives us a wider conversational range than saying what we know.-- Cullen Hightower

January 07
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.-- Rita Rudner

January 08
I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.-- Rita Mae Brown

January 09
Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize them.-- Ann Landers (1918 - 2002)

January 10
LA it is now official that LA is the fastest-growing metropolis in the United States. I just want to take the time to say to all the hard-working people that made this possible: "Gracias!" (Craig Kilborn)

January 10
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death

January 13
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

January 14
Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston.

January 15
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

January 16
Free Puppies:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel
1/2 Sneaky Neighbor's Dog!

January 17
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.-- Joan Rivers

January 20
If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?-- Vince Lombardi (1913 - 1970)

January 21
Never despair; but if you do, work on in despair. -- Edmund Burke (1729 - 1797)

January 22
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

January 23
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.-- Mary Wilson Little

January 24
Alarms: What an octopus is.

January 27
We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.-- Robert Wilensky

January 28
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

January 29
I am not young enough to know everything.-- Oscar Wilde

January 30
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

January 31
You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.-- Michael Pritchard

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