Chuckles for January 2003



January 02
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.-- Johnny Carson

January 03
The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything.-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

January 06
Saying what we think gives us a wider conversational range than saying what we know.-- Cullen Hightower

January 07
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.-- Rita Rudner

January 08
I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.-- Rita Mae Brown

January 09
Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize them.-- Ann Landers (1918 - 2002)

January 10
LA it is now official that LA is the fastest-growing metropolis in the United States. I just want to take the time to say to all the hard-working people that made this possible: "Gracias!" (Craig Kilborn)

January 10
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death

January 13
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

January 14
Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston.

January 15
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

January 16
Free Puppies:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel
1/2 Sneaky Neighbor's Dog!

January 17
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.-- Joan Rivers

January 20
If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?-- Vince Lombardi (1913 - 1970)

January 21
Never despair; but if you do, work on in despair. -- Edmund Burke (1729 - 1797)

January 22
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

January 23
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.-- Mary Wilson Little

January 24
Alarms: What an octopus is.

January 27
We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.-- Robert Wilensky

January 28
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

January 29
I am not young enough to know everything.-- Oscar Wilde

January 30
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

January 31
You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.-- Michael Pritchard

Back: Past Chuckles






Local events heading








  Today is Wednesday, April 16, the 106th day of 2014. There are 259 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: Yesterday some bold thief stole a full bolt of calico from a box in front of Wadsworth's store, where it was on exhibition.
1889 -- 125 years ago: A team belonging to Peter Priese got away from its driver and made a mad run across the Rock Island Bridge. The driver was thrown from his seat but not hurt.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Carlton Taylor was appointed district deputy grand master for the 14th
Masonic District of Illinois.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Moline's million dollar municipal airport was dedicated to air transportation and the national defense by Lt. Gov. John Stelle.
1964 -- 50 years ago: THE ARGUS will be election headquarters for Rock Island County tomorrow night, and the public is invited to watch the operation. The closing of the polls at 6 p.m. will mark the start of open house in the newsroom. Visitors will see staff members receiving, tabulating and posting returns.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Few bricks actually tumbled, but no one seemed to mind as about 1,000 people gathered to celebrate the formal start of demolition at the site of a downtown civic center.




(More History)