Chuckles for January 2003



January 02
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.-- Johnny Carson

January 03
The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything.-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

January 06
Saying what we think gives us a wider conversational range than saying what we know.-- Cullen Hightower

January 07
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.-- Rita Rudner

January 08
I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.-- Rita Mae Brown

January 09
Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize them.-- Ann Landers (1918 - 2002)

January 10
LA it is now official that LA is the fastest-growing metropolis in the United States. I just want to take the time to say to all the hard-working people that made this possible: "Gracias!" (Craig Kilborn)

January 10
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death

January 13
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

January 14
Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston.

January 15
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

January 16
Free Puppies:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel
1/2 Sneaky Neighbor's Dog!

January 17
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.-- Joan Rivers

January 20
If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?-- Vince Lombardi (1913 - 1970)

January 21
Never despair; but if you do, work on in despair. -- Edmund Burke (1729 - 1797)

January 22
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

January 23
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.-- Mary Wilson Little

January 24
Alarms: What an octopus is.

January 27
We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.-- Robert Wilensky

January 28
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

January 29
I am not young enough to know everything.-- Oscar Wilde

January 30
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

January 31
You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.-- Michael Pritchard

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Local events heading








  Today is Tuesday, July 22, the 203rd day of 2014. There are 162 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: Everybody is invited to go on a moonlight excursion next Monday evening on the steamer New Boston. The trip will be from Davenport to Muscatine and back.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The mayor and bridge committee let a contract to the Clinton Bridge company for a $1,125 iron bridge across Sears canal near Milan.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Injunction proceedings to compel the Central Association to keep a baseball team in Rock Island for the remainder of the season were contemplated by some of the Rock Island fans, but they decided to defer action.
1939 -- 75 years ago: The first of the new and more powerful diesel engines built for the Rock Island Lines for the proposed Chicago-Denver run, passed thru the Tri-Cities this morning.
1964 -- 50 years ago: The Rock Island Rescue Mission is negotiating for the purchase of the Prince Hall Masonic Home located at 37th Avenue and 5th Street, Rock Island.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Quad Cities Container Terminal is being lauded as a giant business boon that will save several days and hundreds of dollars on each goods shipment to the coasts. The Quad Cities Container Terminal is the final piece of the puzzle that opens up increase access to world markets, Robert Goldstein said.








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