Chuckles for September 2002

September 04
"The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf."-- Will Rogers

September 05
"People can have the Model T in any colour--so long as it's black."-- Henry Ford

September 06
"U.S. Congress is going to hold its first session in New York City in over 200 years. When reached for comment Strom Thurmond said, "I can’t wait to see how much the city has changed." --Conan O'Brien

September 09
"Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it."-- Jane Wagner (and Lily Tomlin)

September 10
"I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out."-- Steven Wright

September 11
Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation.-- Kin Hubbard

September 12
"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house." --Zsa Zsa Gabor

September 13
"Girls just want to have funds."-- Adrienne E. Gusoff

September 16
"Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps." -- Emo Phillips

September 17
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined." -- Samuel Goldwyn

September 18
"They taped an episode of "Sesame Street” in Florida this week. They are helping to teach adults how to count." --Jay Leno

September 19
"President Bush says that there is a lot of support for war on Iraq. There’s support from Enron, Texaco, Chevron, Exon, Mobile, they’re all lining up!"--Jay Leno

September 20
"We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?" --Jean Cocteau

September 23
"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it."-- Franklin P. Jones

September 24
"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy." --Charlie McCarthy (1903 - 1978), (Edgar Bergen)

September 25
"Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing Wernher von Braun

September 25
"Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing." --Wernher von Braun (Famous rocket developer)

September 26
"Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself." -- A. H. Weiler (1909 - 1943)

September 27
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."-- Will Rogers

September 30
Tom Cruise has publicly come out in support of President Bush’s plans to attack Iraq. In response to Tom Cruise, President Bush said, "Great all we need now is the go-ahead from Julia Roberts.” --Jay Leno

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Friday, Sept. 19, the 262nd day of 2014. There are 103 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: Charles M. Osborn of this city, a lawyer of prominence, who voted for Lincoln in 1860 is now out strong for McClellan and will take the stump for him.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The George Fleming company had begun its dried fruit packing in a branch plant on 16th Street, Rock Island, employing nearly a hundred workers.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The cornerstone of the new Eagles home was laid. Building committee members were John Kobeman, Fred Ehmke and Frank Wich.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Former Kaiser Wilhelm, in exile, is sad as the Nazis march with communists.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Ninety-two members of the acappella choir at Davenport's West High School today accepted an invitation to perform at the New York World's Fair on June 13, 1965.
1989 -- 25 years ago: A Rock Island woman is one of 50 winners of $10,000 in cash in the Illinois State Lottery's "Celebration "89" instant ticket game. Dawn Loeffler was the third winner to be chosen through daily drawings that began Aug. 28 and will run 50 consecutive days.

(More History)