Chuckles for September 2002

September 04
"The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf."-- Will Rogers

September 05
"People can have the Model T in any colour--so long as it's black."-- Henry Ford

September 06
"U.S. Congress is going to hold its first session in New York City in over 200 years. When reached for comment Strom Thurmond said, "I can’t wait to see how much the city has changed." --Conan O'Brien

September 09
"Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it."-- Jane Wagner (and Lily Tomlin)

September 10
"I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out."-- Steven Wright

September 11
Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation.-- Kin Hubbard

September 12
"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house." --Zsa Zsa Gabor

September 13
"Girls just want to have funds."-- Adrienne E. Gusoff

September 16
"Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps." -- Emo Phillips

September 17
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined." -- Samuel Goldwyn

September 18
"They taped an episode of "Sesame Street” in Florida this week. They are helping to teach adults how to count." --Jay Leno

September 19
"President Bush says that there is a lot of support for war on Iraq. There’s support from Enron, Texaco, Chevron, Exon, Mobile, they’re all lining up!"--Jay Leno

September 20
"We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?" --Jean Cocteau

September 23
"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it."-- Franklin P. Jones

September 24
"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy." --Charlie McCarthy (1903 - 1978), (Edgar Bergen)

September 25
"Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing Wernher von Braun

September 25
"Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing." --Wernher von Braun (Famous rocket developer)

September 26
"Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself." -- A. H. Weiler (1909 - 1943)

September 27
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."-- Will Rogers

September 30
Tom Cruise has publicly come out in support of President Bush’s plans to attack Iraq. In response to Tom Cruise, President Bush said, "Great all we need now is the go-ahead from Julia Roberts.” --Jay Leno

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Wednesday, April 23, the 113th day of 2014. There are 252 days left in the year.

1864 — 150 years ago: Some persons are negotiating for 80 feet of ground on Illinois Street with a view of erecting four stores thereon. It would serve a better purpose if the money was invested in neat tenement houses.
1889 — 125 years ago: The Central station, car house and stables of the Moline-Rock Island Horse Railway line of the Holmes syndicate, together with 15 cars and 42 head of horses, were destroyed by fire. The loss was at $15,000.
1914 — 100 years ago: Vera Cruz, Mexico, after a day and night of resistance to American forces, gradually ceased opposition. The American forces took complete control of the city.
1939 — 75 years ago: Dr. R. Bruce Collins was reelected for a second term as president of the Lower Rock Island County Tuberculosis Association.
1964 — 50 years ago: Work is scheduled to begin this summer on construction of a new men's residence complex and an addition to the dining facilities at Westerlin Hall at Augustana College.
1989 — 25 years ago: Special Olympics competitors were triple winners at Rock Island High School Saturday. The participants vanquished the rain that fell during the competition, and some won their events; but most important, they triumphed over their own disabilities.

(More History)