Chuckles for September 2002

September 04
"The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf."-- Will Rogers

September 05
"People can have the Model T in any colour--so long as it's black."-- Henry Ford

September 06
"U.S. Congress is going to hold its first session in New York City in over 200 years. When reached for comment Strom Thurmond said, "I can’t wait to see how much the city has changed." --Conan O'Brien

September 09
"Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it."-- Jane Wagner (and Lily Tomlin)

September 10
"I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out."-- Steven Wright

September 11
Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation.-- Kin Hubbard

September 12
"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house." --Zsa Zsa Gabor

September 13
"Girls just want to have funds."-- Adrienne E. Gusoff

September 16
"Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps." -- Emo Phillips

September 17
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined." -- Samuel Goldwyn

September 18
"They taped an episode of "Sesame Street” in Florida this week. They are helping to teach adults how to count." --Jay Leno

September 19
"President Bush says that there is a lot of support for war on Iraq. There’s support from Enron, Texaco, Chevron, Exon, Mobile, they’re all lining up!"--Jay Leno

September 20
"We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?" --Jean Cocteau

September 23
"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it."-- Franklin P. Jones

September 24
"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy." --Charlie McCarthy (1903 - 1978), (Edgar Bergen)

September 25
"Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing Wernher von Braun

September 25
"Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing." --Wernher von Braun (Famous rocket developer)

September 26
"Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself." -- A. H. Weiler (1909 - 1943)

September 27
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."-- Will Rogers

September 30
Tom Cruise has publicly come out in support of President Bush’s plans to attack Iraq. In response to Tom Cruise, President Bush said, "Great all we need now is the go-ahead from Julia Roberts.” --Jay Leno

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Thursday, July 31, the 212th day of 2014. There are 153 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: A corps of surgeons now occupies the new hospital quarters at the Garrison Hospital on the Rock Island Arsenal. A fence has been installed to enclose the prison hospital.
1889 -- 125 years ago: B. Winter has let a contract to Christ Schreiner for a two story brick building with a double store front on the south side of 3rd Avenue just west of 17th Street. The estimated cost was $4,500.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Germany sent simultaneous ultimatums to Russia and France, demanding that Russia suspend mobilization within 12 hours and demanding that France inform Germany within 18 hours. In the case of war between Germany and Russia, France would remain neutral.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Civil service offices at the post office and the Rock Island Arsenal were swamped as more than 700 youths sought 15 machinist apprenticeships at the Arsenal.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Last night, American Legion Post 246 in Moline figuratively handed over the trousers to a female ex-Marine and petticoat rule began. Olga Swanson, of Moline, was installed as the first woman commander of the post .
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Illinois Quad City Civic Center captured the excitement and interest of a convention of auditorium managers this weekend in Reno, Nev. Bill Adams, civic center authority chairman, said the 10,000-seat arena planned for downtown Moline has caught the eye of construction firms, suppliers, management teams and concession groups.

(More History)