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Chuckles for June 2002

June 03
We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. --Buck Henry

June 04
Being overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you. --ahajokes.com

June 05
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?www.butlerwebs.com

June 06
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.-- Mark Twain

June 07
Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture. --ahajokes.com

June 10
My genetics experiment ate my homework. --funny-stuff-central.com

June 11
The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires. -- Dorothy Parker

June 12
"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." --Ernest Hemingway

June 13
Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it. http://iteslj.org/c/jokes-short.html

June 14
If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots? jokesgalore.com

June 17
What do people in China call their good plates? jokesgalore.com

June 18
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? --jokesgalore.com

June 19
Why do people tell you when they are speechless? --jokesgalore.com

June 20
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? --jokesgalore.com

June 21
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? --jokesgalore.com

June 24
If I were two-faced, why would I be wearing this one? Abraham Lincoln

June 25
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? --jokesgalore.com

June 26
Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to. Mark Twain

June 27
I have made good judgements in the Past. I have made good judgements in the Future. Dan Quayle

June 28
People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history. -----Dan Quayle

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Today is Saturday, May 25, the 145th day of 2013. There are 220 days left in the year.
1863 -- 150 years ago: The annual review of the fire department of this city took placeyesterday and made a fine showing with machines and hose carts in tip-top order.
1888 -- 125 years ago: Last night's prayer meeting at Central Presbyterian Church wascalled off due to water in the basement, residue of last week's flood.
1913 -- 100 years ago: The junior class of Rock Island High School will hold a riverexcursion on the steamer St. Paul next Tuesday.
1938 -- 75 years ago: The 75th Anniversary of the Rock Island Arsenal today finds thenation's largest ordinance manufacturing plant filling many important orders for the army.
1963 -- 50 years ago: Miss Patrice Daly, Rock Island, a senior at Rock Island HighSchool, won second place in the recent state public speaking contest held in Peoria underthe auspices of the Knights of Pythias.
1988 -- 25 years ago: Hampton's sesquicentennial committee and the Hampton HistoricalSociety have scheduled a full slate of activities, which will be held throughout the year, to celebrate the village's 150th birthday. The first celebration will be the Memorial Dayprogram at 10 a.m. May 30, at the Brettun and Black Store Museum on River Road. Therewill be a sesquicentennial display.

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