Chuckles for June 2002

June 03
We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. --Buck Henry

June 04
Being overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.

June 05
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

June 06
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.-- Mark Twain

June 07
Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.

June 10
My genetics experiment ate my homework.

June 11
The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires. -- Dorothy Parker

June 12
"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." --Ernest Hemingway

June 13
Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.

June 14
If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?

June 17
What do people in China call their good plates?

June 18
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

June 19
Why do people tell you when they are speechless?

June 20
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?

June 21
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

June 24
If I were two-faced, why would I be wearing this one? Abraham Lincoln

June 25
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

June 26
Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to. Mark Twain

June 27
I have made good judgements in the Past. I have made good judgements in the Future. Dan Quayle

June 28
People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history. -----Dan Quayle

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Thursday, April 24, the 114th day of 2014. There are 251 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: We learn that it is a contemplation to start a paper mill in Rock Island during the summer by a gentleman from the East.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The gates of Oklahoma were swung open at noon today, and a throng of more than 30,000 settlers started over its soil.
1914 -- 100 years ago: The Iowa Coliseum Co. was incorporated with $40,000 capital and planned a building on 4th Street between Warren and Green streets in Davenport.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Plans are being discussed for resurfacing the streets in the entire downtown district of Rock Island.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Some 45 jobs will be created at J.I. Case Co.'s Rock Island plant in a expansion of operations announced yesterday afternoon at the firm's headquarters in Racine, Wis.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Gardeners and farmers cheered, but not all Quad-Citians found joy Saturday as more than an inch of rain fell on the area. Motorists faced dangerous, rain-slick roads as the water activated grease and grime that had built up during dry weather.

(More History)