Chuckles for June 2002

June 03
We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. --Buck Henry

June 04
Being overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.

June 05
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

June 06
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.-- Mark Twain

June 07
Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.

June 10
My genetics experiment ate my homework.

June 11
The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires. -- Dorothy Parker

June 12
"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." --Ernest Hemingway

June 13
Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.

June 14
If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?

June 17
What do people in China call their good plates?

June 18
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

June 19
Why do people tell you when they are speechless?

June 20
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?

June 21
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

June 24
If I were two-faced, why would I be wearing this one? Abraham Lincoln

June 25
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

June 26
Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to. Mark Twain

June 27
I have made good judgements in the Past. I have made good judgements in the Future. Dan Quayle

June 28
People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history. -----Dan Quayle

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Wednesday, April 16, the 106th day of 2014. There are 259 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: Yesterday some bold thief stole a full bolt of calico from a box in front of Wadsworth's store, where it was on exhibition.
1889 -- 125 years ago: A team belonging to Peter Priese got away from its driver and made a mad run across the Rock Island Bridge. The driver was thrown from his seat but not hurt.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Carlton Taylor was appointed district deputy grand master for the 14th
Masonic District of Illinois.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Moline's million dollar municipal airport was dedicated to air transportation and the national defense by Lt. Gov. John Stelle.
1964 -- 50 years ago: THE ARGUS will be election headquarters for Rock Island County tomorrow night, and the public is invited to watch the operation. The closing of the polls at 6 p.m. will mark the start of open house in the newsroom. Visitors will see staff members receiving, tabulating and posting returns.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Few bricks actually tumbled, but no one seemed to mind as about 1,000 people gathered to celebrate the formal start of demolition at the site of a downtown civic center.

(More History)