Chuckles for June 2002

June 03
We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. --Buck Henry

June 04
Being overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.

June 05
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

June 06
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.-- Mark Twain

June 07
Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.

June 10
My genetics experiment ate my homework.

June 11
The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires. -- Dorothy Parker

June 12
"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." --Ernest Hemingway

June 13
Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.

June 14
If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?

June 17
What do people in China call their good plates?

June 18
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

June 19
Why do people tell you when they are speechless?

June 20
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?

June 21
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

June 24
If I were two-faced, why would I be wearing this one? Abraham Lincoln

June 25
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

June 26
Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to. Mark Twain

June 27
I have made good judgements in the Past. I have made good judgements in the Future. Dan Quayle

June 28
People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history. -----Dan Quayle

Back: Past Chuckles

Local events heading

  Today is Wednesday, Sept. 17, the 260th day of 2014. There are 105 days left in the year.
1864 -- 150 years ago: We are told league merchants have paid no attention to the prohibition on selling ammunition, but continue to sell just as before the order was issued.
1889 -- 125 years ago: The Rev. R.F. Sweet, rector of Trinity Episcopal Parish, left for the East to visit his boyhood home in Boston before attending the general convention of the Episcopal Church in New York.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Dr. E.A. Anderson was named to succeed Dr. E.L. Kerns as head physician of the Modern Woodmen of America, and moved to Rock Island from Holdingford, Minn.
1939 -- 75 years ago: One week late, because of the outbreak of war, Dr. E.L. Beyer resumed his work as professor of romance languages at Augustana College. Dr. and Mrs. Beyer left Germany on the last train to the Belgian border.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Employees in Turnstyle stores in Moline and Davenport will vote Oct. 2 in an election set up by the Chicago regional office of the National Labor Relations Board. Employees will vote either for the Retail Clerk International or for no union.
1989 -- 25 years ago: Rock Island High School is considering a step to help teen moms stay in school and get their diploma. The school board is expected to vote tonight on instituting an on-site child care center.

(More History)