Chuckles for April 2002



April 01
Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery? The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.(butlerwebs.com)

April 04
The two best times to keep your mouth shut are when you're swimming and when you're angry.(butlerwebs.com)

April 05
My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage. (www.londonofficejobs.co.uk)

April 08
By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it. - - -George Burns

April 09
Some people grin and bear it; others smile and do it. --Anonymous

April 10
A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?" --butlerwebs.com

April 11
Teacher: What came after the stone age and the bronze age? Pupil: The sausage! www.kidsjokes.co.uk

April 12
Wife: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?" Husband: "Golfing with friends, my dear." Wife: "What? At 2 AM?!" Husband: "Yes, We used night clubs." --butlerwebs.com

April 15
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is income tax!" -- Albert Einstein

April 16
People who dance are considered insane by those who can't hear the music. -George Carlin

April 17
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with! --www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 18
Vital Thing To Know About Taking A Bath: The dirt you wash off yourself gathers on the surface of the water and then re-attaches itself to you as you rise to leave. (jokeaday.com)

April 19
Why I don't have my homework?? I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school. (kidsjokes.co.uk)

April 22
Historians have found the first treaty the U. S. government ever signed with the Indians. It states that the Indians can keep their lands "for as long as the river runs clear, the buffalo roam, the grass grows tall and the mountains stand proud -- or ninety days -- whichever comes first.

April 23
Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted. - Hesketh Pearson

April 24
On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." - jokeaday.com

April 25
There are more chickens than people in the world. -- www.tech-sol.net/humor/

April 26
A lawyer sent an overdue bill to a client with a note that said, "This bill is one year old." By return mail, the lawyer received the bill back with a note attached to it, saying: "Happy Birthday!" www.freefunny.com

April 29
Web site - What's found in the corners of high ceilings. --butlerwebs.com

April 30
ARGUMENTS: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. -- www.funnygreetings.com

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Local events heading








  Today is Wednesday, Oct. 1, the 274th day of 2014. There are 91 days left in the year.

1864 -- 150 years ago: It is rumored in the streets that the 13 negroes sent to Quincy on the Moline quota were refused. We think this must be a mistake.
1889 -- 125 years ago: Harvey McKenna, of Detroit, billiard player matched to play Wizard Schafer in New York in January for the world championship, was a professional friend and manager, Billy Catton in Rock Island.
1914 -- 100 years ago: Levi Cralle, former Rock Island county sheriff, had come from his farm near Mitchell, S.D. to visit friends in the city.
1939 -- 75 years ago: Work is being rushed on the new high school building in Orion to replace the one destroyed by fire last winter. Classes are being held in churches.
1964 -- 50 years ago: Rehearsals for the 84th season of the Handel Oratorio Society chorus will begin at 7:30 p.m. Monday on the stage of Centennial Hall, Augustana College.
1989 -- 25 years ago: The Rock Island City Council's plan announced this week to have the federal government vacate Valley Homes public housing and move residents to Arsenal Courts to reduce density may not be feasible.






(More History)